I don't think I feel better. I think I've just gotten worse. I felt better, until all but 5 minutes ago. I'm on MSN with L, and she gave me this heads up that Ben and E are gonna tell me how they feel about each other. And I was curious, after recovering from my shock, I continued, "How do you know all this?" And here's our MSN convo, I've just changed the names;;

L: Ehas told me everything.

L: as she has told edited versions to several others.

Me: OMG, who?!

L: she really kept it away from your ears.

L: A, Liz.

L:S knows some

Me: Even S?

L: her parenst know the whole thing

L: i'm sorry.

Me: Thanks for being a good friend and telling me.

Me: Better than them. ALl of them

L: I couldn't keep from you anymore, you knew half of it, and it was really obvious you suspected SOMETHINg.

L: withE shutting up EVERY time you came within ten feet.

L: but she wouldn't let me tell you.

L: ive tried hinting to her that you know everything, but she's so lost in her own world.

Me: Everybody knows.

L: everyone of importance

What does that make me? No one of nothing? I can't even believe how much that hurt. It hurt so much I just changed every single name mentioned in the convo to the first initial of their name to post it here-to ask for a little advice. I was over him-I am over him-and she did this in good intention, not to hurt me, but why is it that I couldn't find out just an edited version? It hurts more to find out this way.

I'm not even sure how such a floaty-overall-above-the-clouds year could end up like this.