"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'." -Chris Rock

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

Since cats always land on their feet and jelly bread always lands jelly-side down, what happens if you tie jelly bread to the back of a cat?

A husband and wife were fighting in the car when the husband sees a mule in a fieldand. He turns to his wife and says "is that a relative of yours?" His wife replys, "yes... by marriage!"

WHEN THE VERY FIRST MAN DISCOVERED THAT COWS HAVE MILK... WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WAS DOING??

You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of the car window and got arrested for mooning.

Mirrors don't talk. Lucky for you, they don't laugh either!

Once a boy asked his dad is God a boy or a girl?
his dad said both
then he asked if God was black or white?
his dad said both
then he asked is God Michael Jackson?