For Miss Vada

There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!"

One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: "THERE IS NO LORD!"

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.

One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!"

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.

"PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!"

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: "THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!"

This one is for the BB

A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school:

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."

For my Hubby

Charley, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang on job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though; you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

"They said, 'Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, sir?'"

For all you my friends you have been under the weather and have Helpful Children: D

I heard a story about a mother who was sick with the flu. Her darling daughter wanted to be a good nurse. She fluffed the pillows and brought a magazine for her mother to read. And then she showed up with a cup of tea.

"You're such a sweetheart," the mother said as she drank the tea. "I didn't know you could make tea."

"Oh, yes," the little girl replied. "I put the tea leaves in the water like you do, and I boiled it, and then I strained it into a cup. But I couldn't find a strainer, so I used the flyswatter."

"You what?"

And the little girl said, "Oh, don't worry, Mom. I didn't use the new flyswatter. I used the old one."

Always Know who you are messing with

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then he took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver, either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

Just for Ralph

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Paulson, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Hendren, gave me $10,000."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Paulson. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"

They should all be this Easy

A witness is testifying before the court, and the prosecuting attorney is asking him questions.

"You witnessed the robbery, sir?"

"Yes."

"What was stolen?"

"Two televisions."

"Did you see the thieves?"

"Yes."

"Could you identify them?"

"Yes."

"Are the two men who stole the televisions in this courtroom?"

At this point, the two defendants raise their hands.

(What's a defense attorney to do?)

You know you need a vacation when

My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"

I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"

I Hope You All Got Some Grins and Enjoyed the Spring View

Have a Great Rest of the Week and

Take Care of You!