Nothing to say that actually makes sense I guess.. I don't really know what to do with my life.. everything seems way out of my league, depressing or irrational of nature.. not ringing any bells? Neither is it here.. yet.. I'll get to a (pretty stupid) point though..

I spend my days this vacation at home or at my friends'.. I suppose I really don't have a way of saying I have something to do, 'cause I never have.. I have been working on a walkthrough of Twilight Princess.. Nevermind that, I gave that up already, silly of me to even consider it, stupid of me to think I'd ever go through with it.. I make loads of unfulfilled promisses.. I write "books".. never works out.. never put in enough time which I should.. just a temporary buzz putting me in work to do things I think I can go through with..I should feel ashamed of myself and believe me, I am.. these buzzes make it hard for me to go through with life with my head held high..

I wish man could control their emotions to a matter of turn them on and off.. The emotions mostly tearing me apart are jealousy and love, and they seem to constanly follow me around, that's why I'd love to have the "off" button, you know? Love itself is everthing in my life.. I tend to base everything around it, one way or the other.. In an intensive, almost compulsive way, to (probably) remind myself what I'm missing constantly.. I wish I wasn't, but then again, I also wish I wasn't missing love.. The jealousy is again also based on love: couples kissing, friends talking about their experiences.. I'm not trying to prove anything.. I would want exactly what they have, but not to show them off, but for the moral meaning.. I want someone to love me as much as I love her.. And believe me, I have a lot of love to give, yet none to take..

Games are resources to escape the natural world, to enlarge the magnitude of your imagination.. The sheer fantasy of designers combined to give us a good time while being distracted.. Distraction is powerfull for people whom have problems, but.. if the games don't pack in the emotion, the way to change someones perspective of life and your surroundings in a rational and obvious way then you're stuck with a temporary buzz of a game.. like a drug or something.. the second you face reality again you become down to earth.. For many gamers it's not a grand thing at all, but yeah.. it makes people happier and gets them in a right way to step back in the normal lives.. myself and others like me (if there are any like me.. I feel srry for you..), we don't have that..depression in.. game.. depression out.. (if I didn't explain that well enough, just ask..)

I don't actually know the first bit of music.. I listen to it day to day though, but ask me a question about it or play a bit, I'm sure I wouldn't know what to tell yah.. If there's any way for me to involve music with the way I feel then I'm gonna give that a try right now.. I believe most people use music to get into some kind of mood.. mostly good I presume.. I however don't try to get in a different mood.. I try to embellish the mood I'm in a bit.. (which mostly is a bad one..) Thus I mostly put on sad, depressive music or at least things that feature grief.. not to change my mood, but to stress it.. Look, I don't really know why, you could say that doesn't make any sense, I evidently control what I want to listen, but at the times I actually get to turning on music I'm mostly just not in the mood for anything featuring happyness.. I'd rather be reminded of my grief untill it's resolved.. I like many songs with just sad lyrics or something.. and if it faintly makes me wanna cry then it's a winner.. my friends'd say "You must be Emo!".. I guess.. But if that's the case then Emo doesn't equal being gay in any way.. to be clear.. as my major way of being so emotional is all caused by a girl..

Maybe there's not much to say about myself anymore.. I don't like the way my life's going.. I don't like the fake promisses I make myself.. I also don't like my own personality (sucks, doesn't it?..) I don't like the fact I can't do things right (like for example writing this blog.. critism'll make sure to remind me of that..).. Anyway.. I made my complaints.. I don't actually know what others could say about this.. I just had to get some stuff off my chest.. and yeah.. I guess I feel sort of better.. anyway.. thx for reading.. (hopefully) See Yah..