A couple of weeks ago my mom booked a vacation to the beach. We'll be leaving July 26th and coming back July 31st. I'm pretty excited about it! A lot of issues other than the dilemma in the blogs below have been happening in my family lately and I'll be happy to get away from them for a while. I think one of the best parts is they don't know we are going. We are all (my mom, dad, and older brother) going to leave without them knowing. They won't be able to contact us! Yay! I know it seems weird to be happy about getting away from my 'outer family' but I really need the break. Don't get me wrong I love my 'outer family' it's just they have soooooo many problems. Such as, my Aunt recently got mairred she's got two kids (from a previous marriage, this is her third marriage) and these kids were raised by my grandmother, now she's refused to allow my grandmotehr to see the kids. She only knew the guy she married for 4 weeks, before she married him. She only married this guy to make someone else jealous! Now, she's pregnant, we don't even know if the baby is from the guy she married or the one she's trying to make jealous (and if she's pregnant from the guy she was trying to make jealous she did a heck of a job in suceeding don't you think?), and has started a war with my grandmother and everyone else in our family! This guy is pretty much controling her. Not to say my aunt is an angel either. Plus, everytime she is around we are just supposed to act like nothings happened, like my aunt didn't start this family feud. Then on my dad's side of the family, his sister is getting a divorce, and get this, she's been having an affair with a guy for years and decides it's okay now to reveal it because she's divoring her soon to be ex- husband. She's never had a job, she's leeching off my grandmother, and she can't find a place to live. We're also supposed to act like it's alright for her to be cheating on her husband. Apparently, my 'outer family' is good for one thing... acting as if nothing is wrong. As if that isn't bad enough for you, that information up their hasn't even cracked the surface of EVERYTHING that's been going on. Sorry to rant but I just needed to. Anyway, I'll be extremely happy when we leave for the beach, it may be a 5 hour drive but I'd rather be in a car with my mom, dad, and older brother than be stuck with my 'outer family' for two minutes.

My 'outer family' needs to lay it on the line for each other because I think by yelling and screaming at each other and telling each other what they think would end up better than beating around the bush.

As everyone who read my previous blogs knows, I was broken up with over an e-mail. Well, yesterday instead of moping around I took the time to think about it. Maybe it's not even about him that I'm upset. Maybe it's about the fact that he was in my life for so long that I'm afraid I would lose him completely. I mean we saw each other practically everyday it would be weird not to be near him again. I think I completely blew out of per-portion what I think of the situation.

After yesterday, I think that we are actually better as friends. My reaction wasn't at all what I've seen most girls go through who have lost the love of their lives. Mine was much more toned down (even though I'm not usually one to cry) and I don't even think I cried or my heart clenched because of my not being his girlfriend anymore it's because I had prolonged the inevitable that we had grown apart. We're different people now.

I still would like him to be a friend, I don't want to see him be completely kicked out of my life. I do agree however that the e-mail was completely uncalled for and I would still like a reason as to why he broke up with me. I haven't talked to him yet but I will the next time he's around. I'm not sure I'll be able to hold back from kicking his a** but I'm pretty sure things will work out in the end.

Also, I wanted to thank all the people who left comments on my previous blog Helostwin, othforeverlove, Animefan91tx, chickawackaboo, and trm6. What you all said made me smile and helped me through. For that I am grateful to all of you! On a side note: trm6: We haven't known each other for long but I'm extremely happy that you see you are worth more than Zach. I know everything will work out for you, someone worthy of such a great person like you is out there, promise.

Plus, something else helped me figure out why weren't meant to be. This quote below is what I want to feel like and then I'll know it's 'the one'.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul."

--St. Augustine

Thanks again to everyone!