little too Gung-ho

Your older kids call the youngest one "Cherry".

When your wife left you, you had a Change of Command.

Your wife carries a buttpack instead of a Gucci purse.

A

Your kids would rather get SIMNET than Nintendo 64.

When your family gets together, you call them "Slice Elements".

You butter your toast with a bayonet.

If your kids get a wrong answer in school they immediately drop and knock out 20.

Your personal license plate says "At Ease".

All of your kids' names begin with "AR".

Your grandmother won the Week of the Eagles.

Your POV has your name stenciled on the windshield.

Anyone using the TV remote control must dispatch it first.

Your kids are hand receipt holders.

Your kids practice Drill and Ceremony at recess.

Your dog's name is "Ranger".

Your kids pull night guard shifts by the mailbox.

Your wife has a better high and tight than your commander.

Your kids sound off with "Airborne" or "Air Assault" every time their left foot hits the ground.

Your wife won't buy anything unless it has a National Stock Number.

Your kids have to wax and buff the floor before going to school.

When your dog died, he got a 21-gun salute at Arlington.

Your kids call their teachers "REMFs" and the other kids at school "legs."

Your daughter's dolls wear starched uniforms.

Your daughter complained that her new Barbie's hair wasn't within regulation and then cut it.

If your kids fail a test, they get a Letter of Reprimand and an Article 15.

Your kids salute their grandparents.

Your kids get an LES with their allowance.

All your meals at home are MREs.

Your kids painted their Big Wheels camouflage and stuck bumper numbers on them.

All your household possessions were issued by CIF.

Your kids get sent to the "big house" at Leavenworth if they're disrespectful.

Your kids complain if they can't have gym class five days a week.

Everyone does six pullups before sitting down at the dinner table

Warranty Card

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.

In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt.

[_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other

First Name:.....................................................

Initial: ........

Last Name:......................................................

Password: .............................. (max 8 char)

Code Name:.....................................................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:........... ........... ..........

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat

[_] F-15 Eagle

[_] F-16 Falcon

[_] F-117A Stealth

[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):19....... /....... /.......

4. Serial Number:.................................................

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package

[_] Flown in from Iraq during Gulf War and appropriated

[_] Catalog showroom

[_] Independent arms broker

[_] Mail order

[_] Discount store

[_] Government surplus

[_] Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up

[_] Store display

[_] Espionage

[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally

[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer

[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decisionto purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance

[_] Speed / maneuverability

[_] Price / value

[_] Comfort / convenience

[_] Kickback / bribe

[_] Recommended by salesperson

[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation

[_] Advanced Weapons Systems

[_] Backroom politics

[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America

[_] Iraq

[_] Central / South America

[_] Iraq

[_] Aircraft carrier

[_] Iraq

[_] Europe

[_] Iraq

[_] Middle East (not Iraq)

[_] Iraq

[_] Africa

[_] Iraq

[_] Asia / Far East

[_] Iraq

[_] Misc. Third World countries

[_] Iraq

[_] Classified

[_] Iraq

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

[_] Color TV

[_] VCR

[_] ICBM

[_] Killer Satellite

[_] CD Player

[_] Cray or other supercomputer

[_] Air-to-Air Missiles

[_] Space Shuttle

[_] Nintendo 64

[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?

(Check all that apply

[_] Communist / Socialist

[_] Terrorist

[_] Crazed

[_] Neutral

[_] Democratic

[_] Dictatorship

[_] Corrupt

[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending

[_] Cash

[_] Suitcases of cocaine

[_] Oil revenues

[_] Personal check

[_] Credit card

[_] Ransom money

[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation

[_] Homemaker

[_] Sales / marketing

[_] Revolutionary

[_] Clerical

[_] Mercenary

[_] Tyrant

[_] Middle management

[_] Eccentric billionaire

[_] Defense Minister / General

[_] Retired

[_] Student

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicatethe interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participatingon a regular basis:

[_] Golf

[_] Boating / sailing

[_] Sabotage

[_] Running / jogging

[_] Propaganda / disinformation

[_] Destabilization / overthrow

[_] Default on loans

[_] Gardening

[_] Crafts

[_] Black market / smuggling

[_] Collectibles / collections

[_] Watching sports on TV

[_] Wines

[_] Interrogation / torture

[_] Household pets

[_] Crushing rebellions

[_] Espionage / reconnaissance

[_] Fashion clothing

[_] Border disputes

[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?

Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION

Marketing Department

Military Aerospace Division