Valentine's night 2008!

So some of you know that my girlfriend and I broke up.... no my ex! i had been taking it ok but i still missed her!

however saying that i was looking forward to going to this big house party that i had heard about for about a week! guess what? she was going too!

she begged me not to go and told me she'd be drunk and make herself easy for guys and what would i do if i saw her getting with another guy?? that was low! that really hurt me! even tho we were broken up we were still close! u know! were goig out ten months and it was hard for me!

so anyways we ended up at the party together! wathced her flirt with so many guys! i wont lie it really got to me!

anyways eventually we sorted thing out and were friends. it was grand!

i got tlaking to a girl a tthe party and we went out side and we kissed but i turned around and saw my ex staring at me! she looked as if her heart had been rippped out and torn in pieces! i went after her but she told me to jsut stay away from her.

so now she wont talk to me only to send hurtful texts to me! i dont want to lose her and i know i hurt her so im a total mess about it all!

she texted saying i was a dikhead and that i never loved her, but i did! and she knows that! also last night she said she wanted her letters back (the ones she wrote to me when i was in germany for two months away from her). she knows those letters mean the world to me!

this whole thing kills me but im sure shes hurting more.

I'm Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart is a song by The Eels and i only heard it yesterday and bought the album instantly! i always need music to reflect my mood!

"I'm Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart"

I'm gonna tell you what you need to hear
And i'm a little too late
By three or four years
And it may not make much sense
Now that we are apart
But i'm going to stop pretending
That i didn't break your heart

You see i never thought enough of myself
To realize that losing me could mean
Something like the tears in your eyes
And i want to tell you i'm sorry
And it's too late to start
But i'm going to stop pretending
That i didn't break your heart

And it's christmas eve
Years down the line
Sitting here wishing i'd treated you better
When you were mine
And i have no way of knowing where you are
But i'm going to stop pretending
That i didn't break your heart

I didn't mean to hurt you
I didn't know what i was doing
But i know what i have done