For the past 4 months, I've been jogging and lifting weights non-stop. It got to a point where my jeans just couldn't keep on me; I'd button up and take one step before it fell right back down (yeah I went ahead and got a belt, even though I hate wearing one)

I mean, I was on a roll, losing all my heavy poundage and actually having discernable biceps that I could flex out and be proud of. You have no idea how it feels to be able to wake up in the morning and not wish to die when looking upon one's self in the mirror. To actually have a nice clean face without pudgy skin... and boy my legs just felt huge, totally ripped from all the running. My squishy jello thighs felt like solid rocks. That of course, is all in the past now

What I had not anticipated from all the jogging and stuff is that there is a force out there that hates me, which all my life has done its best to never get me to get off of my lazy ass and do something about my weight. Now it sensed a threat; the fact that it was failing.

I was so close, so very close to achieving maximum happiness, to be able to be thin, dropping so many shirt sizes and easily slipping into my shoes without undoing the knots first! But this force has decided to cramp up my leg, and during one of my jogging courses, my left leg actually seized up and stopped moving, rendering me helpless to stop the fall that almost crashed the damn treadmill, and making me scream out in agony for no one to hear.

Scared but trying to rationalize, I decided to just head up on the stairs to the living room and hopefully walk it off with a bit of relaxation on the couch, hoping upon hoping that the pain will just.. go away.

What came afterwards was me falling up the stairs, landing on my knee, and banging my head, sending me into an unconscious state. When next awoken I discovered myself in a hospital bed, with the doctor (who thankfully was my aunt, so at least I could be more comfortable with the situation, if that was possible) asking me what happened and doing the standard set of drills to confirm that I was a mess and needed instant tending to.

And well... here I am. Alone, miserable, 4 months worth of hard work wasted as I decided to go crazy with the junk food, stuffing my face to try and fill the sorrow that just won't subside. I cant face anyone, I cant go back into the world with my saggy and ugly body, and it's just SO NOT FAIR!!! I mean, just why? I've been "a good boy" and blah blah all my life, always helping people and always being betrayed due to my kind nature and naivety.

I can slowly feel myself rotting away, my once perfect body going to waste and wishing, more than ever before, that I'd just roll over and DIE. (how effin melodramatic...)

but oh, enough about me, how are you all? Doing well I trust? I'm so very happy for you all!