well, im back on Gamespot now. Its been a very, very long time since i visted the forums or was active in posting or anything that has to do with this site really.

Its been a couple years now, and im a different man now. Many things have happened to me to change the way i think and live. A truly special relationship has come and gone, leaving scars. Battles with personal habits and feelings have left their impressions. I just recently graduated High School, and i will be 19 years old this October. Im getting older and dealing with more responsibilities now.

I used to be so many things. I used to be very interested in Star Wars and its expanded universe, wanting to create my own fan fiction and even my own fan films, and i was passionate about it all. Now, i simply dont want any of it anymore. My midn says i want to dive back into my Star Wars fandom, but i simply dont feel like it anymore, i dont have the drive anymore. This is a literal and metaphoric example for many, many other things in my life that i feel differently about now.

I still play video games to an unhealthy high degree, yet it is only because it helps to pass the time and relieve my mind from thinking about painful things. I have friends, and i spend time with them, but its only temporary relief, much like my video games.

I still train for martial arts, but its more MMA now than strict kung-fu. Training physically helps. It helps me to go for something, to have a goal. It helps to relieve the enormous amount of stress that is making me buckle. Not to mention, it also makes me tired, so that i have a better chance of falling asleep at night.

I havent been sleeping well lately. I stayed up until 6:30 last night playing video games and looking up stupid stuff on my computer. I cant sleep, i dont want to sleep. Sometimes i want to think, and sometimes i dont.

Maybe your wondering why im posting this on a blog on a video game website. To be honest, i dont know. It could be because im bored and have nothing to do. Its not like i dont have real people to talk to. I do, and they have listened and talked to me very well. But for some reason i wanted to, and thats all there is i guess.

I need to find some way to reverse this downward spiral. At first, it seemed like i would improve greatly, and i was, but im losing hope in certain things, and things are not going the way i had expected them to...

its been a lonnnng time since my last blog post thing, just been gettin bored with gamespot lately i guess.

anyways, ive played tones of games since then.

Mass Effect is an AMAZING game. i beat it pretty quick, but story is so in depth, graphics are amazing, plot choices are gut-wrenching, characters and theme is so strong. i love it all.

I bought cock of duty 4, and the single player is awesome but the multiplayer blows, mindless sprinting, spray and praying, crapping out live grenades when you die, tons of random airstrikes, and AI controlled helicoptors that get kills for you.

I beat turok, and its a solid game, story is ok but not very in depth, and doesnt do much to make it unique, but but its at least decent and manages to keep your interest. i must say killing dinosaurs and people with a large variety of knife kill animations is always satisfying. Overall, its a very generic shooter, but not a bad one by any means.

I haven t beat the orange box yet completely. I ahve completed portal and its amazing in every sense. team fortress sucks tho, it is way too traditional class based, and the gameplay is weak. plus, you can only play certain gametypes on a certain map, which of youve played halo 2 or 3, force gametypes on a forced map just doesnt work anymore.

HL 2 games are very good, but i lose interest in them after awhile, cause sometimes you'll go for a long time with no music or dialogue, not to mention gordon freeman never says a freakin word. some may say that his complete silence helps you feel like YOU ARE freeman, but it doesnt, because you yourself cant choose what to say, and you cant choose what freeman looks like, but your supposed to be him and feel like him?

i also beat stranglehold, great game i must say if you like bullet-time shooters, it definetly lives up to the John Woo name.

no matter how many games i beat, i always find myself drawn back to halo 3 or gears of war, because they are among the best out there. Halo boasts such a great story and multiplayer, same with gears, and those are packages that are tough to beat.

halo 3 has been out a few weeks now, and i love it. Gameplay is sharp, challenging on legendary, and very fun.the story is the best part about it. the drama, characters, action, everything. the ending (the real one, the one after the credits) is depressing but powerful and perfect. The development between cortana and masterchief was moving and touching, yet the pwnage by the arbitortowards the prophet of truthwas friggin awesome. so many aspects, so much of it i love. Johnson and miranda keys dying was heartbreaking, andthe music score throughout the game was perfect, sometimes being uplifting and pulsepounding, sometimes being soft, dramatic, and sad, and sometimes inspiring mystery and wonder to the imagination. In short the story was epic, action packed, dramatic, moving, sad, uplifting and very much satisfying all in one game. oh yea multiplayer rocks too, lol.