So maybe I lied. Maybe I didn't know I lied but maybe I just have to face that this year will be different, that life is meant to have all these different stressors and that, while I know I can handle them, new stressors can easily throw me for a loop. So maybe the ball of whatever it is still feels like a weight on my chest and maybe I can't seem to get control over some things but maybe it's ok. Maybe I just have to deal with the fact that I can't always be in control and that I have to accept my decisions and their consequences and enjoy all for whatever all is worth because maybe that's what matters. I love my job, love my life, and yet I haven't been able to shake the feeling that I'm stuck in a hole. I'm working on that feeling, every day, like we all are. It's amazing how regenerative the spirit is with great friends, family, and great students.

I've been reticent to voice that feeling, afraid that it made me look weak, feel weak, but it feels good to get it off my chest. Maybe I just found a foothold?

Anyway, I'd also like to pay homage to a man who has given me countless hours of leisure and who I am actually really sad and shocked to lose. Sounds like someone I know, right? Well, it is...I know his words. Had it not been for Eric LaSalle's homage to him before tonight's episode of ER, I would not have been the wiser. It would seem that all things Obama predominated the news cycle and therefore my attention. Perhaps this is as it should be but it doesn't mean I wish I had known sooner. Michael Crichton wrote so many books that I couldn't put down, brought to light so many different thoughts on society, science, and created entertaining works of fiction in various media format. I can't believe I won't read another new book by him. Whether you agreed with his politics or not, you can't tell me this man didn't touch your life. I'm in the middle of Timeline...it feels strange to read it now...like I'll never read another Crichton book. Rest easy.