A kindergarden student told his teacher he'd found a cat, but is was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "Because i pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssssst!' and it didn't move."

________

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her Dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "yes i know, and i'm gonna get boobs, too."

______

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the famer. She read "...and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said 'the sky is falling!'" The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: Holy $h%t! A talking chicken!"

____

When i was six months pregnant with my second child, my three year old came into the room as i was preparing to get into the shower. She said "Mommy you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

___

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

____

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed.

She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep with Daddy."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice, "The big sissy."

_____

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

_____

So monday was teriffying. Lots of stuff happened that made it awful. Everything was so overwhelming...its still overwhelming...but that first day especially. plus add to the fact i didnt have my phone to contact my parents or anyone else, it was just very upsetting.

However, as the week went on, it's definitely gotten better. My roomate is pretty awesome, i've made lots of friends (despite me being immensely shy), and i've gotten more used to the campus (but i still keep getting lost!)

So here are pros of this week:

-my section. they are awesome!

-the broom dance. long story short, my initiation into my section. (quite a clever game)

-practices. they are so hilarious, nothing like high school. its so much fun!

-my room. even though its tiny, i think its so cute! I love my dorm room.

-performing at the pep rally. despite me almost falling down, it was hilarious and so much fun. there is so much school spirit, its crazy!

-boy/girl dorm mating rituals. at least thats what it seemed like. That was so funny! All the boys from every dorm came to sing romantic songs to our dorm. Oh man...it was funny. I got out of there after the second group of boys though. My goal in going to college isn't to find a mate.

-boys that don't wear shirts during practice. need i say more?

Cons:

-community showers. gross...

-elevators. im on the 6th floor, and the elevators are always so busy!

-my audition. i sucked. damn nerves...

-the girls in my dorm. apparently im in the snobby dorm, all the girls here are driving me crazy.

-buying books. robbed my bank account dry.

-getting lost. even with a map i end up in the wrong place.

-saying bye to my family. hardest thing i've ever done in my life...

-getting rained on in practice, and still being forced to stay outside and practice. I'm still physically recovering.

-getting hit on. you boys are all the same.

-the boys that don't wear shirts during practice. most of them should wear shirts.

So school officially starts for me tomorrow. 4 of my classes are in exactly the same place. (i'll probably get lost anyways XD) so i should be alright. I'm nervous that things will be crazy hard, but every freshman is in the same boat as me. I seem to have forgotten that when i first came here.

To everyone else going off to college soon: i wish you luck. Everything does indeed get better, no matter how scary it might be at first.

no bueno.

i'm too busy right now to explain, but it was no good at all...