On July 21st, i saw my first dead body. ever.

i used to think it was no big deal, especially if i didnt know them. its a natural occurance and everyone is going to die one day or another. i've seen horrible pictures (check out rotten.com) and watch CSI and im not queezy at all when it comes to that stuff. my cousin and i actually caught a fish, gutted it, and i held its still beating heart on the tip of my finger without having any saddening thoughts. but on monday, it was a whole new ball game.

our CSO (community service officer) at the pd was determined to let me and my stepmom see the body (my stepmom is the evidence technician, so she needed to know how to extract the urine and blood anyway) even though the M.E. couldnt get to it until later. she made arrangements for us to get a tour of the funeral home/morgue and we were on our way. i told my dad what we were doing and he have me some mint tobacco thingys that are in what look like miniature tea bags to stick up my nose for the smell, so i brought them along. i was actually kind of excited at first, a whole new experience for me and i would be able to test myself to see if i could handle it in real life. we went into the autopsy room and the mortician and our CSO were showing us the tools and stuff they use, etc. and i was totally fine with it. then he went to the back room to bring out the body. i kinda started to get nervous a little bit, then when he opened the door and was wheeling the body out on the gurney, i was like "no freaking way." i could make out the outline of the body and i kept thinking to myself "oh my god, there's a dead person in there" over and over again. i was so rattled on the inside i cant even describe it. i realized no amount of CSI or SVU or ER or any of those acronymed shows could prepare you for what i was about to see. the mortician unzipped the first body bag, then a second and holy crap. i kinda wanted to run out of the room but my feet wouldnt move. my eyes were pryed open and it would be a safe bet i was as white as a ghost.

(due to confidentiality reasons, i cant tell you what the gender was, what their condition was, how it smelled, etc) but i can tell you it was graphic, quite horrifying, and i should have used something stronger than mint tobacco! our CSO gave us some advice before hand, she said its best not to look at the face if you can help it, and if you need to look at the face, dont look at it in the eyes. thank god the mortician went easy on us, he only unzipped the bag down to the belly button. i really didnt want to see the whole body. i just saw from the middle of the nose down. and i think what got me the most was when the mortician was unzipping it, he made the body move. not the whole thing, but just part of the cheek and the nose. the little movements you can control when you are alive. to this day i cant get the picture of the movements out of my head. when i visualize it, thats all i see.

it was a weird few minutes for me. i wanted to run away, be held/comforted and investigate the body all at the same time. of course i just stood there like my feet were cemented to the floor and just stared all bug-eyed at the body and tried not to breath in too deeply.

he finally zipped the body back up and put it away and we left after a few more minutes of chit chat. the CSO and my stepmom were talking about it the whole way back and im sitting in the middle of them keeping my mouth shut and then the CSO says "joie, are you okay?" i just looked at her and said "yeah." i didnt know what to say to her. i didnt know what to say to anybody. i didnt know how to express what i was feeling. i didnt want to seem like a wimp, but later we all talked to the chief and he said he would be worried if i didnt feel something. so guess what guys, im normal. lol.

so that was my first experience with a deceased person. i kinda never want to have the experience again, but going into policing, i know i will. and seeing as i didnt barf or scream, i think it will get easier as i have more experience. but until then, i will revel in not seeing dead people.

and to give you guys an idea of how frazzled i was while he was about to bring the body in, here's a funny little exerpt between me and my stepmom...

Her: "hey, do you have anymore of those little mint things?"

Me: "yeah."

Her: "Can I have one to put in my mouth so i dont taste anything bad?"

I offer one to her already in my hand

Her: "dude. Did you already stick that in your nose?"

Me: "yeah."

Her: "then can I have another one?"

Me: "oh. Right."

lol.

well, i will say so far it has definitely been a summer to remember!