Artist: Slipknot

Albulm: Slipknot 1999

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

Goodbye

I wipe it off on a tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is turning blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I picture me

I can't control my shakes, how the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

Get outta my head 'cause I don't need this
Why didn't I see this?
Well, I'm a victim Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just makin' my mind up
And takin' your breath away

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

Goodbye

You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
The flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free

You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
The flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

And it waits for you

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This song kid of describes how I'm feeling right now, and it's a confusing state. Before I get into my problem, I have never been that good in the dating world because I'm just a shy person. I'm not all that worried about this right now because I'm still 18 (I'll be 19 this next Saturday), but I'm trying to step it up in this category. But that is not the problem, unfortunately.

As many of you know, I work at a bank (don't ask witch one, because I won't tell you) and I've been working there for almost 3 years. A girl started to work there about 9 or 10 months ago and ever she started to work at the bank, I've had a crush on her. I know that it's not right to date your coworkers because if there is a problem later in the relationship, it might cause problems in the work place that might interfere with work. I also consider it very unprofessional, and I never thought that I would be forced to eat my own words.

Lately, I've found my self thinking about her and being extra nice to her at work. I know that I'm not supposed to do that, but I just can't help my self. And that isn't even the worst part, she is MARRIED!!!!

That's right, she is married and I can't stop my self from loving her. This is really sad because I sometimes wish that she would get divorced from her husband so that I can get with her. And it seems that this might actually become a reality.

Lately, they have been having problems to the point that she moved out of the house and went to live with her mom for a while. They are supposed to go see a marriage counselor to see if it helps them get their differences worked out. The thing is that I find myself wishing that they would just get divorces so that I may have the opportunity to make my move.

I feel that I really do love her, and that I just don't have a crush on her. It started all as a crush, but I belief that this is true love and I know that I'm not supposed to go after women that are married but I can't help myself. I couldn't keep it all bottled up anymore so I thought that I would post this here. For some reason, when I write about how I feel it helps me relax and think about things more clearly.

Like I said, I don't really know what to do. Any advice would be helpful, thanks. And thanks for reading.