Sunday, Apr 20, 2008
I think that this is the most personal and most revealing blog that I've ever done. And I'm writing this because even if my college life and everything else is good, my family is breaking apart. This has been going on for a few months now, but I didn't really think that it was going to get to this point and let me start from the beginning so that all of you may understand what is going on. Please read it and help me out. Thanks in advance.
About 10 months ago, my mom decided to quit her job and studied to become a CNA (certified nursing assistant). She got a job at a nursing home and started working there very happily and everything seemed to be going really smooth. Then about 5 months ago she started to change a lot, I was at work and school a lot but my brother said that they fight a lot for the stupidest things. She worked there every night for about 7 months with a few days off every once in a while.
About 1 month ago things got worse because there was a thing going at my moms work that they were saying that she was having an affair with some guy at the nursing home. So due to this she decided to leave that place, and got a job also as a CNA in a hospital and things seemed to calmed down a bit. But right before she left the old place, my mom and dad got a new car together but they had agreed that my mom was going to pay for the car since it was hers. So she said that she wasn't going to make as much money since she wasn't going to work every night, so she decided to go back 2 days a week to the old place so that she could make a little extra money while her trail period was up at her new job and got a raise.
My dad and mom started to fight again and things have gotten progressively worse as time goes by. And here is where it gets really messy because I just get really confusing and I don't know what to do anymore.
My mom has told me that she doesn't understand why my dad has been the way that he is. She says that he has never had her back, she has wanted to do a lot of things in the past but he never helps her. She says that she feels like she is the one responsible for everything in the house, because my dad is very careless. My mom says that she sometimes feels alone and like no one is there for her.
My dad says that he doesn't know what's wrong with my mom because he says that it's been a while now that he can't really get close to her with out her getting mad for no reason. My dad says that this only happen once in a while, but that it's weird to him. Then he says that sometimes my mom just gets angry for no reason and she is always insulting him and all this other stuff.
My mom says that she has been trying to schedule and appointment with a priest but that the priest that she wanted to meet with wasn't available. So today (4-20) my dad talk to another priest and the priest now wants to meet with my mom. After we got home, my brother and I went to Sonics to get some shushes (drinks with fruit juice and crushed ice) and we talked about the stuff that's been going. My brother and I are already at the brink of this, he has been the one that has seen most of the fights that they had and he says that he can't stand it anymore. I told him that I didn't like it either and it's just making me disconcentrate from stuff that I should be focused on, like my final test this next week since the semester is over.
After we got back, my dad says that they had a huge fight. My dad says that my mom was really angry because he went to talk to the priest. She said that he shouldn't have gotten him involved. My mom says that she wanted to speak to a priest that they don't know, that way the priest can do a real analysis of their relationship with out being bias (spelling? With out taking sides or something like that.). My dad says that she told him that she might leave the house on Tuesday after talking with the priest, depending on what they talk about.
Now this is something that I really hate and it's driving everyone apart, I think that the only ones that are still "normal" are my brother and I. We don't want my parents to get divorced because we don't want to pick who we go with. Technically I'm 18 so I don't have to choose nor am I forced to go with anyone since I'm already an "adult". But my brother is only 15 (almost 16) and is still considered a minor so he would have to go with either my mom or dad and he doesn't want to choose nor does he want to be forced to go with either one. My brother and I have decided that if they do get divorced that we won't go with either one, we will move out and we will live by our selves because this a decision that we don't want to make. My brother will probably emancipate him self and will go to school and work just like me and we will find an apartment.
If we move out, is because we feel that if we go with my mom then we are betraying my dad and the same thing goes if we go with my dad. I don't think that this is a decision that anyone should make, and I really hope that this gets fixed soon.
One thing that I forgot to mention is that the priest said that the way that my mom is acting might be linked to drug abuse, because people can't work for months every night with out some sort of supplement that keeps them going. My dad has found a few pills that have the name of hydrocod/apap, which I read, are like Morphine or that is also similar to Opium. We (my brother and I) don't know what to think anymore and we just want this nightmare to be over because we just can't take it anymore.
We have also decide that we are going to do something for ourselves that will get them so pissed off that they will forget about why they were even fighting. Going back in time for a little second, my brother got a lip pierce about 3 weeks ago and that caused my parents to get really angry with my brother. So what we are thinking now is that he will get a second lip pierce (which are sometimes referred to as the "snake bites") and see if that gets them worked up again.
I don't know how many of you have watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" but we are going to try something that we saw in one episode. Rays mom and his wife were so angry at each other that they couldn't talk to each other anymore. The whole family was getting separated to the point that they all felt tired of all the fighting between both women. So Ray's brother decided to "convert" to a cult. They had an intervention for Robert (Rays brother) and then because of that both women managed to get over both their differences and were happy again. I don't know I explained it good, but basically my brother is going to be the scapegoat (but in a good way) to see if my parents will get happy with each other. I guess you can say that we are sort of manipulating both of them, but it's a necessary evil if we wish to keep our family together.
I really hope that our plan works, but most of all I want your opinion or advise on what we should do. Thanks for reading this really long blog.
About 10 months ago, my mom decided to quit her job and studied to become a CNA (certified nursing assistant). She got a job at a nursing home and started working there very happily and everything seemed to be going really smooth. Then about 5 months ago she started to change a lot, I was at work and school a lot but my brother said that they fight a lot for the stupidest things. She worked there every night for about 7 months with a few days off every once in a while.
About 1 month ago things got worse because there was a thing going at my moms work that they were saying that she was having an affair with some guy at the nursing home. So due to this she decided to leave that place, and got a job also as a CNA in a hospital and things seemed to calmed down a bit. But right before she left the old place, my mom and dad got a new car together but they had agreed that my mom was going to pay for the car since it was hers. So she said that she wasn't going to make as much money since she wasn't going to work every night, so she decided to go back 2 days a week to the old place so that she could make a little extra money while her trail period was up at her new job and got a raise.
My dad and mom started to fight again and things have gotten progressively worse as time goes by. And here is where it gets really messy because I just get really confusing and I don't know what to do anymore.
My mom has told me that she doesn't understand why my dad has been the way that he is. She says that he has never had her back, she has wanted to do a lot of things in the past but he never helps her. She says that she feels like she is the one responsible for everything in the house, because my dad is very careless. My mom says that she sometimes feels alone and like no one is there for her.
My dad says that he doesn't know what's wrong with my mom because he says that it's been a while now that he can't really get close to her with out her getting mad for no reason. My dad says that this only happen once in a while, but that it's weird to him. Then he says that sometimes my mom just gets angry for no reason and she is always insulting him and all this other stuff.
My mom says that she has been trying to schedule and appointment with a priest but that the priest that she wanted to meet with wasn't available. So today (4-20) my dad talk to another priest and the priest now wants to meet with my mom. After we got home, my brother and I went to Sonics to get some shushes (drinks with fruit juice and crushed ice) and we talked about the stuff that's been going. My brother and I are already at the brink of this, he has been the one that has seen most of the fights that they had and he says that he can't stand it anymore. I told him that I didn't like it either and it's just making me disconcentrate from stuff that I should be focused on, like my final test this next week since the semester is over.
After we got back, my dad says that they had a huge fight. My dad says that my mom was really angry because he went to talk to the priest. She said that he shouldn't have gotten him involved. My mom says that she wanted to speak to a priest that they don't know, that way the priest can do a real analysis of their relationship with out being bias (spelling? With out taking sides or something like that.). My dad says that she told him that she might leave the house on Tuesday after talking with the priest, depending on what they talk about.
Now this is something that I really hate and it's driving everyone apart, I think that the only ones that are still "normal" are my brother and I. We don't want my parents to get divorced because we don't want to pick who we go with. Technically I'm 18 so I don't have to choose nor am I forced to go with anyone since I'm already an "adult". But my brother is only 15 (almost 16) and is still considered a minor so he would have to go with either my mom or dad and he doesn't want to choose nor does he want to be forced to go with either one. My brother and I have decided that if they do get divorced that we won't go with either one, we will move out and we will live by our selves because this a decision that we don't want to make. My brother will probably emancipate him self and will go to school and work just like me and we will find an apartment.
If we move out, is because we feel that if we go with my mom then we are betraying my dad and the same thing goes if we go with my dad. I don't think that this is a decision that anyone should make, and I really hope that this gets fixed soon.
One thing that I forgot to mention is that the priest said that the way that my mom is acting might be linked to drug abuse, because people can't work for months every night with out some sort of supplement that keeps them going. My dad has found a few pills that have the name of hydrocod/apap, which I read, are like Morphine or that is also similar to Opium. We (my brother and I) don't know what to think anymore and we just want this nightmare to be over because we just can't take it anymore.
We have also decide that we are going to do something for ourselves that will get them so pissed off that they will forget about why they were even fighting. Going back in time for a little second, my brother got a lip pierce about 3 weeks ago and that caused my parents to get really angry with my brother. So what we are thinking now is that he will get a second lip pierce (which are sometimes referred to as the "snake bites") and see if that gets them worked up again.
I don't know how many of you have watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" but we are going to try something that we saw in one episode. Rays mom and his wife were so angry at each other that they couldn't talk to each other anymore. The whole family was getting separated to the point that they all felt tired of all the fighting between both women. So Ray's brother decided to "convert" to a cult. They had an intervention for Robert (Rays brother) and then because of that both women managed to get over both their differences and were happy again. I don't know I explained it good, but basically my brother is going to be the scapegoat (but in a good way) to see if my parents will get happy with each other. I guess you can say that we are sort of manipulating both of them, but it's a necessary evil if we wish to keep our family together.
I really hope that our plan works, but most of all I want your opinion or advise on what we should do. Thanks for reading this really long blog.
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Posted Apr 20, 2008 8:40 pm PT
I'm sorry man I don't know what advice I can give but I hope that everything works out. 
Posted Apr 20, 2008 9:33 pm PT
Okay first of all...just calm down. I know what its like to sit and watch your family fall apart. I was once your brother at the age of 15 hearing my mom and dad argue like crazy and I was upstairs. I would lock myself in my room or hell even play my music or go to my sisters house (which was my escape). Every once in awhile two people fall out of love with each other, its nautral...believe me, my parents were married for 27 years and all of a sudden my mom wants a divorce
(long story
) but what Im saying is what your feeling now is normal for any child. Theres only so much you can do, when two people who arent happy anymore.....yes I know what Im saying is hurtfull but its true, and I mean that with all my heart. As for your little brother...he shouldnt feel like he has to pick who he should live with. Both of your parents gave birth to him, so if he decides to go with either or their still going to be in his life reguardless...thats his mother and father. And as for you plan...I think you shouldnt do it, A because its selfish. Its obvious your parents have problems, so adding to the trouble isnt going to do anything but make the situation worse. Not only for you but for them as well. I've watched my parents have countless number of fights and in the end they were there happiest when they werent together...and Ive learn to come to terms with that. Its not your responsibility to keep them together...their grown. So no matter what you do, what evers going to happen is going to happen.
Also I dont think your mother is doing drugs...I just think she wants her space. Mines did....I hated it, but in the end she was happy. My dad was happy (even though he didnt want it to end) it had too. You can only hold on to something as dear as marriage as long as the two people who said "I do" want it to go on. Now as far as your brother goes..your the oldest one. Its your job to explain to him whats happening (even though you dont know whats happening, the key is to be optimistic and show that there is hope) because its going to get better. If hes in the house while there arguing then suggest that he goes to a friends house to get away from the drama or you take him out. I hope this helps and I wish only the best for both your parents and you and your brother
*hugs*
(long story ) but what Im saying is what your feeling now is normal for any child. Theres only so much you can do, when two people who arent happy anymore.....yes I know what Im saying is hurtfull but its true, and I mean that with all my heart. As for your little brother...he shouldnt feel like he has to pick who he should live with. Both of your parents gave birth to him, so if he decides to go with either or their still going to be in his life reguardless...thats his mother and father. And as for you plan...I think you shouldnt do it, A because its selfish. Its obvious your parents have problems, so adding to the trouble isnt going to do anything but make the situation worse. Not only for you but for them as well. I've watched my parents have countless number of fights and in the end they were there happiest when they werent together...and Ive learn to come to terms with that. Its not your responsibility to keep them together...their grown. So no matter what you do, what evers going to happen is going to happen.Also I dont think your mother is doing drugs...I just think she wants her space. Mines did....I hated it, but in the end she was happy. My dad was happy (even though he didnt want it to end) it had too. You can only hold on to something as dear as marriage as long as the two people who said "I do" want it to go on. Now as far as your brother goes..your the oldest one. Its your job to explain to him whats happening (even though you dont know whats happening, the key is to be optimistic and show that there is hope) because its going to get better. If hes in the house while there arguing then suggest that he goes to a friends house to get away from the drama or you take him out. I hope this helps and I wish only the best for both your parents and you and your brother
*hugs*
Posted Apr 20, 2008 9:49 pm PT
I feel really stupid and ashamed at teasing you on your previous blog after reading this one, I'm sorry. I really don't know what advice I can give on your situation. Babs would be better at it than me. I'm not sure if your plan would make matters better or worse, they might blame eachother for your your brothers rebellious nature. I don't think that they would instantly forget about their problems. Its really good that you can talk openly to them, I wish I had the same relationship with my dad. They are going through a similar thing but aren't going to get divorced. The love between them has just disappeared, one of the reasons could be his mother (classic evil mother-in-law) and that my dad is incapable of showing any emotion, love or feeling towards any of us, well except the cat. He has even said that he switches off when he hears something he thinks is too much hassle. My mum couldn't cope with the stress of a divorce and she knows how badly it would affect my brother. She always puts our wellfare before hers. Good luck in what you are planning to do
Posted Apr 21, 2008 1:34 am PT
Oh poor Sexy, you and Chris must be going through hell at the moment. I have no answers for you except to say that if things are so bad between your parents then maybe they would be happier apart. I know that this is not what you and Chris want to hear, but it could be for the best. Perhaps if your parents were to part for a while then they might realise they are missing each other. Being married and raising kids is not easy. People fall out of love with each other but they do survive and so do their children. Everything that crzy_gurl says is right. I don't think that your Mom is on drugs either, perhaps the doctor gave them to her when she had her surgery....morphine is a pain killer used in post_op care. It seems to me that your parents marriage was getting a bit stale and your Mom was feeling as if your Dad took her for granted and didn't show her just how much he loves her. Maybe some guy at work paid her compliments and made her feel good about herself. We women tend to need more shows of affection as we get older because our confidence in ourselves changes as age and wrinkles creep up on us. Your Mom's behavior towards your Dad is most likely linked to the fact that she feels unloved and not appreciated by him. If things are really as bad as they seem then nothing that you and Chris do will make things better. None of this is either your or Chris's fault, it is just one of those things. Your parents must be going through hell as well and I think it would show a lot of maturity on yours and Chris's part if you sat down and talked calmly to them about how you both feel. Perhaps you and Chris could have a word with the priest.
There is no point trying to cause more problems by being rebellious. It will only end up hurting everyone even more. I hope things calm down a bit for you so that you can study for your final teat in peace. I will say a prayer for you all, take care of yourself Sexy and give Chris my love. love Babsxxx
There is no point trying to cause more problems by being rebellious. It will only end up hurting everyone even more. I hope things calm down a bit for you so that you can study for your final teat in peace. I will say a prayer for you all, take care of yourself Sexy and give Chris my love. love Babsxxx
Posted Apr 21, 2008 4:53 am PT
sorry about that. Thats horrible
Posted Apr 21, 2008 5:19 am PT
kenshin: thanks. And we do have stuff like that, we usually went out to eat at a restaurant or something like that every sunday after church. But lately we haven't been doing that.
death: don't worry about it, I'm just glad that you haven't had to go through this.
Crzy: It's sad that you have had to live through that as well. This is something that I don't wish on anyone. I really appreciate that you told me all that. The only thing is that my brother already pierced his lip last night so we just have to wait for the huge thing on this afternoon. It seems that things are "kind of" calming down. Let just hope that it keeps going that way.
beth: don't worry about that, I guess that my last blog seamed kind of childish. Thanks for reading, and I hope that things get better for ur family.
Babs: I have always seen u as a mother for some reason, even if I don't really know you. Thanks for all of your advice, my brother and I have already agreed that we will talk to them both. I don't really think that my mom is either cheating or on drugs, but I know that there is something going on. I hope that this gets resolved soon. Like I said up there, things have "kind of" settled down a bit this morning. Thanks for all your advice, I hope that your marriage gets better as well. Thanks for your prayers, and I'll let my brother kow of what you said.
star: no worries
death: don't worry about it, I'm just glad that you haven't had to go through this.
Crzy: It's sad that you have had to live through that as well. This is something that I don't wish on anyone. I really appreciate that you told me all that. The only thing is that my brother already pierced his lip last night so we just have to wait for the huge thing on this afternoon. It seems that things are "kind of" calming down. Let just hope that it keeps going that way.
beth: don't worry about that, I guess that my last blog seamed kind of childish. Thanks for reading, and I hope that things get better for ur family.
Babs: I have always seen u as a mother for some reason, even if I don't really know you. Thanks for all of your advice, my brother and I have already agreed that we will talk to them both. I don't really think that my mom is either cheating or on drugs, but I know that there is something going on. I hope that this gets resolved soon. Like I said up there, things have "kind of" settled down a bit this morning. Thanks for all your advice, I hope that your marriage gets better as well. Thanks for your prayers, and I'll let my brother kow of what you said.
star: no worries
Posted Apr 21, 2008 7:18 am PT
I once found myself in a similar situation. My parents were always having huge fights and almost got divorced but fortunatly things got better and since then, they never fought again and we're a very happy family.
At the time, I felt just like you (I was younger, maybe 12/13 years old) and didn't do nothing special, I just kept talking to both, telling them how I suffered from those fights and remembering them how they used to go out and have fun on their own.
I wish your situation gets better soon, what you're going trough is terrible good luck man
At the time, I felt just like you (I was younger, maybe 12/13 years old) and didn't do nothing special, I just kept talking to both, telling them how I suffered from those fights and remembering them how they used to go out and have fun on their own.
I wish your situation gets better soon, what you're going trough is terrible
good luck man
Posted Apr 21, 2008 10:28 am PT
thanks, I hope that everything gets better soon.
Posted Apr 21, 2008 10:45 am PT
wall of text, but don't worry I read all of it...
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To me it seems that you and your bro have yet to do anything, I might not be a parent, but i know that parents want their kids to be happy. So my advice is to not make them angry, that doesn't solve anything, my advice is to talk to them and tell them how it makes you two feel, if you try to tell them how it's affecting you, they will realize that their fight is destroying their kids and will come to see that they're senselessly fighting.
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If you want, I'll write a blog about this subject and call it "Rant of Wisdom 3" and I won't use your name at all, I have to get your permission first
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To me it seems that you and your bro have yet to do anything, I might not be a parent, but i know that parents want their kids to be happy. So my advice is to not make them angry, that doesn't solve anything, my advice is to talk to them and tell them how it makes you two feel, if you try to tell them how it's affecting you, they will realize that their fight is destroying their kids and will come to see that they're senselessly fighting.
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If you want, I'll write a blog about this subject and call it "Rant of Wisdom 3" and I won't use your name at all, I have to get your permission first
Posted Apr 21, 2008 12:43 pm PT
Well, fortunately I've never had that problem, but literally every one of my friends from my home town is either from a broken home or parents were never even married in the first place. The thing that is good is that your parents are trying to work it out, talking to people. Most people would have had a straight out divorce by now in today's day and age.
The thing that most intrigues me is when you mentioned drugs. Have you ever noticed a change in her behavior (other than what you are mentioning now)? When did it start? How drastic was it?
People on drugs do complete 180s in personality usually, and I'm not talking about just pot. Prescription drugs can be equally as addicting and if not as dangerous as street drugs, moreso.
From what you said, these drugs, a morphine derivative, are pretty much a painkiller. Morphine is easily converted into heroin. And if you've seen any of the rock stars or movie stars on that, it's bad news.
I wouldn't want to take sides, but see if you can find out more about this. I mean things are already bad as you said, tell your dad, if he's willing to go through all of this, maybe he's willing to check it out and if an intervention is what is called for, it may not only save your parent's marriage, it may save your mom's life.
As far as other marriage counseling techniques, I can't help you there. But eliminate the other outside sources like the drugs before you can concretely say it's a personality conflict.
The thing that most intrigues me is when you mentioned drugs. Have you ever noticed a change in her behavior (other than what you are mentioning now)? When did it start? How drastic was it?
People on drugs do complete 180s in personality usually, and I'm not talking about just pot. Prescription drugs can be equally as addicting and if not as dangerous as street drugs, moreso.
From what you said, these drugs, a morphine derivative, are pretty much a painkiller. Morphine is easily converted into heroin. And if you've seen any of the rock stars or movie stars on that, it's bad news.
I wouldn't want to take sides, but see if you can find out more about this. I mean things are already bad as you said, tell your dad, if he's willing to go through all of this, maybe he's willing to check it out and if an intervention is what is called for, it may not only save your parent's marriage, it may save your mom's life.
As far as other marriage counseling techniques, I can't help you there. But eliminate the other outside sources like the drugs before you can concretely say it's a personality conflict.
Posted Apr 21, 2008 2:03 pm PT
it can get serious, there have been some points in my life where my parents would get mad with each other and i always fear that they would separate.Although since im almost 18, it really doesnt seem like it will happen at any point. I cant really say but really you need to calm down first and make sure to not make them angry beyond of what they have now. Im not really good at this but overall i think you should make sure you get everything straight then see what can be done. Seriously im not good at this so all i can do is support you and hope you dont have to deal through this at this point
Posted Apr 21, 2008 6:23 pm PT
Epsilon: We are going to try and talk to them tomorrow or as soon as possible, the thing is that my bro already got his other piercing. Lets just hope that they don't get too angry. Thanks for all the advice, and you can do your post if u want. I don't care if u use my name.
Semi: Personally me, i haven't seen a change in her behavior. But my brother says that sometimes she is like really happy and the next moment she is really angry at my dad (she never gets mad at my brother or me, except for that first pierce he got) and takes it out all on him. I think that the priest that they are going to talk to can get them more help because I don't know who I would even talk to about doing an intervention. I don't really think that my mom is on drugs (or at least I hope not) or cheating on my dad, my mom has always been a very respectable women so I don't think that she would do that. Lets just hope that all this gets fixed soon. Thanks for your time that you took to write this.
Ragnarok: (sorry, the other death beat you to your usual nick name) I'm glad that you haven't had to go through this. I will try not to get them angry since I'm really not the rebellious type. Thanks for all your support.
Semi: Personally me, i haven't seen a change in her behavior. But my brother says that sometimes she is like really happy and the next moment she is really angry at my dad (she never gets mad at my brother or me, except for that first pierce he got) and takes it out all on him. I think that the priest that they are going to talk to can get them more help because I don't know who I would even talk to about doing an intervention. I don't really think that my mom is on drugs (or at least I hope not) or cheating on my dad, my mom has always been a very respectable women so I don't think that she would do that. Lets just hope that all this gets fixed soon. Thanks for your time that you took to write this.
Ragnarok: (sorry, the other death beat you to your usual nick name) I'm glad that you haven't had to go through this. I will try not to get them angry since I'm really not the rebellious type. Thanks for all your support.
Posted Apr 21, 2008 7:33 pm PT
I haven't read the comments before mine, but while scrolling down to write my comment I saw "You need to calm down" and that's EXACTLY how I feel. You're not in a state to make any huge decisions - your mind is clouded by what's happening and I might add, simply rebelling (the lip ring thing) or coming up with schemes to get their attention away from each other isn't going to work. There are stronger issues, there's obvious issues your parents have with each other, their trust in one another and aren't sure at all at how to attack the situation.
By your description, I believe that a very common thing is taking place. Your parents, unable to communicate their feelings and despair with each other are turning to you and your brother - while not solely intentionally (if at all), it's very destructive because it plays with your guy's emotions and views on the subject. That's exactly why you've been coming up with these schemes to interfere as well as coming up with ideas to live alone without hurting either parent. I believe that your parents need some intervention. They need a marriage counselor or ever something deeper; they need someone (not their children - which is in no way undermining your level of maturity or intelligence or even dedication to them, it's merely because you're way too connected to the situation) to talk to as a couple as well as individuals to first get out what the issues are and then to start compromising on them and repairing that relationship.
But at the end of the day - it just may be that they need to be separated, either for a brief time to reflect on things and realize just what is going on or... it could also be indefinitely. It's just something that happens sometimes, man. Divorce is not the end of the world, it's really not. It's a big change but a lot of the time it can be a great thing for the family. While no longer together, they can get past the issues and just learn to love each other more.
I really don't know about the drug issue. It's very true that such an issue could be very troublesome and it would be best for your mom if she had help in the department too. But most of the time, one does not start drug use, just out of the blue without some sort of issues in place that they feel they can't deal with - without the drugs.
Anyways, man, I like to speak my mind, I dunno if it helped or gave you any ideas or w/e but I hoped it at least spoke to ya a bit and can steer you in the right direction of thought.
Will be thinking of ya man.
By your description, I believe that a very common thing is taking place. Your parents, unable to communicate their feelings and despair with each other are turning to you and your brother - while not solely intentionally (if at all), it's very destructive because it plays with your guy's emotions and views on the subject. That's exactly why you've been coming up with these schemes to interfere as well as coming up with ideas to live alone without hurting either parent. I believe that your parents need some intervention. They need a marriage counselor or ever something deeper; they need someone (not their children - which is in no way undermining your level of maturity or intelligence or even dedication to them, it's merely because you're way too connected to the situation) to talk to as a couple as well as individuals to first get out what the issues are and then to start compromising on them and repairing that relationship.
But at the end of the day - it just may be that they need to be separated, either for a brief time to reflect on things and realize just what is going on or... it could also be indefinitely. It's just something that happens sometimes, man. Divorce is not the end of the world, it's really not. It's a big change but a lot of the time it can be a great thing for the family. While no longer together, they can get past the issues and just learn to love each other more.
I really don't know about the drug issue. It's very true that such an issue could be very troublesome and it would be best for your mom if she had help in the department too. But most of the time, one does not start drug use, just out of the blue without some sort of issues in place that they feel they can't deal with - without the drugs.
Anyways, man, I like to speak my mind, I dunno if it helped or gave you any ideas or w/e but I hoped it at least spoke to ya a bit and can steer you in the right direction of thought.
Will be thinking of ya man.
Posted Apr 21, 2008 7:36 pm PT
thanks a lot man, I really appreciate all your advice. I don't really want to move out, but I just can't help how I feel. I just hope that this is over quickly because this is only driving me nuts, as well as my brother. I feel like we are being used (but I don't think that the are doing it on purpose) and we are kind of forced to take a side. This really sucks.
I just hope that this is over quickly because this is only driving me nuts, as well as my brother. I feel like we are being used (but I don't think that the are doing it on purpose) and we are kind of forced to take a side. This really sucks.
Posted Apr 21, 2008 8:13 pm PT
She Bipolar?
Posted Apr 22, 2008 8:56 am PT
I'll do a blog on this soon, hopefully within this week
Posted Apr 22, 2008 2:04 pm PT
Chill it. Take a deep breath, and listen to what the doc has to say.
I noticed that throughout the story, your mom and dad are acting as if you two (you and your bro) are inexistent. Don't they consider you their sons? I mean, doesn't your mom think twice before doing whatever she is doing now, considering you?
I say that you try to show your parents that you two are the ones who are taking the damage mostly. If they don't care, AND if you have a way to make a living, then it's time to take your bro and live independently. One last piece of advice; living along with your bro might sound interesting, but believe me, it's a heavy duty. Imagine carrying the burden of two parents alone. Parents might do strange things sometimes, but they are parents nonetheless. They have that little fragment inside them that starts beeping whenever something happens to their son. If external interventions come (excessive drinking, drugs, any other addiction), that fragment shatters, and they will never be the same again.
And ... Good luck. That's all I can do for you.
I noticed that throughout the story, your mom and dad are acting as if you two (you and your bro) are inexistent. Don't they consider you their sons? I mean, doesn't your mom think twice before doing whatever she is doing now, considering you?
I say that you try to show your parents that you two are the ones who are taking the damage mostly. If they don't care, AND if you have a way to make a living, then it's time to take your bro and live independently. One last piece of advice; living along with your bro might sound interesting, but believe me, it's a heavy duty. Imagine carrying the burden of two parents alone. Parents might do strange things sometimes, but they are parents nonetheless. They have that little fragment inside them that starts beeping whenever something happens to their son. If external interventions come (excessive drinking, drugs, any other addiction), that fragment shatters, and they will never be the same again.
And ... Good luck. That's all I can do for you.
Posted Apr 22, 2008 3:12 pm PT
Semi: I don't know, I don't think that she is but it might be a possibility. I don't know if she has ever gone to the doctor for stuff like that, but now that you mention it, it can be a possibility. i will try to find out as soon as possible.
Epsilon: thanks
Kill: I work at a bank and I earn 12.50 an hour but I'm also a college student. My brother would have to emancipate himself and start working right now n order for us to make it on our own. That is why I'm kind of hesitant on moving out, but it's something that I'm willing to do since I have like $2000 dollars saved up and it would last us for a bit if we know how to spend it. Thanks for the advice.
Epsilon: thanks
Kill: I work at a bank and I earn 12.50 an hour but I'm also a college student. My brother would have to emancipate himself and start working right now n order for us to make it on our own. That is why I'm kind of hesitant on moving out, but it's something that I'm willing to do since I have like $2000 dollars saved up and it would last us for a bit if we know how to spend it. Thanks for the advice.
Posted Apr 22, 2008 6:52 pm PT
[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]
Posted Apr 23, 2008 4:12 pm PT
I hate these situation my parents were in the same place that yours are my parents spilt up and me and my mom lived in an apartment but after a couple of months they bought a house together and now are living with eachother so I was confused
Posted Apr 23, 2008 4:17 pm PT
gara: that is weird. but at least they are together agan.
Posted Apr 24, 2008 6:58 am PT
Don't worry sexypansas, usually the hardships of a life are the beginning of a successful one. Like some guy who sells vegetables on the street to earn some money for his sick mother, and starts doing bigger business littly by little, then he ends up making deals of 10 tons of banana and 200 boxes of corn! It actually happened btw. And don't think like "Nah that's too big for me... I'll just get something to eat." NO! that's pessimistic and you mustn't think so lowly. You can go up, like thousands of successful people did and are doing.
Maybe one day, when you own a company or make history, your parents will say together "That is our son" and whatever problems between them will disappear. Don't think I'm trying to be funny, that's just the way I would think if I were you.
"Life is like a game; score high, or die."
Maybe one day, when you own a company or make history, your parents will say together "That is our son" and whatever problems between them will disappear. Don't think I'm trying to be funny, that's just the way I would think if I were you.
"Life is like a game; score high, or die."
Posted May 4, 2008 3:52 am PT
Sexy..all i can say is hang in there...i dont know what that feels like, nad honestly, i dont want to know, but i know its hard...
Please Sexy, if you need to talk...you know my email, sorry to be so brief, but im in a rush :S
ps: the union is active again!
Please Sexy, if you need to talk...you know my email, sorry to be so brief, but im in a rush :S
ps: the union is active again!
Posted May 7, 2008 1:35 pm PT
I agree with Tony......I hope things are better for you now Sexy. Babsxxx
Posted May 11, 2008 11:14 am PT
Kill joy: I know what you mean, but I just hope that I can hang on so that it actually happens. Tony: nice to see you here, thanks for the support.
babs: they kind of are. thanks
babs: they kind of are. thanks
Posted May 20, 2008 7:56 pm PT
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