Artist: Slipknot

Albulm: Slipknot 1999

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

Goodbye

I wipe it off on a tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is turning blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I picture me

I can't control my shakes, how the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

Get outta my head 'cause I don't need this
Why didn't I see this?
Well, I'm a victim Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just makin' my mind up
And takin' your breath away

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

Goodbye

You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
The flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free

You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
The flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed

And it waits for you

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This song kid of describes how I'm feeling right now, and it's a confusing state. Before I get into my problem, I have never been that good in the dating world because I'm just a shy person. I'm not all that worried about this right now because I'm still 18 (I'll be 19 this next Saturday), but I'm trying to step it up in this category. But that is not the problem, unfortunately.

As many of you know, I work at a bank (don't ask witch one, because I won't tell you) and I've been working there for almost 3 years. A girl started to work there about 9 or 10 months ago and ever she started to work at the bank, I've had a crush on her. I know that it's not right to date your coworkers because if there is a problem later in the relationship, it might cause problems in the work place that might interfere with work. I also consider it very unprofessional, and I never thought that I would be forced to eat my own words.

Lately, I've found my self thinking about her and being extra nice to her at work. I know that I'm not supposed to do that, but I just can't help my self. And that isn't even the worst part, she is MARRIED!!!!

That's right, she is married and I can't stop my self from loving her. This is really sad because I sometimes wish that she would get divorced from her husband so that I can get with her. And it seems that this might actually become a reality.

Lately, they have been having problems to the point that she moved out of the house and went to live with her mom for a while. They are supposed to go see a marriage counselor to see if it helps them get their differences worked out. The thing is that I find myself wishing that they would just get divorces so that I may have the opportunity to make my move.

I feel that I really do love her, and that I just don't have a crush on her. It started all as a crush, but I belief that this is true love and I know that I'm not supposed to go after women that are married but I can't help myself. I couldn't keep it all bottled up anymore so I thought that I would post this here. For some reason, when I write about how I feel it helps me relax and think about things more clearly.

Like I said, I don't really know what to do. Any advice would be helpful, thanks. And thanks for reading.

So I've been reading a lot of manga lately and I've even started a little collection of my own. So far I've got:

Blood + Vol 1 & 2

Claymore Vol 1-12

Deathnote: Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Case (Not really a manga, more of a story but it's still fun to read)

Deathnote Vol 1-12 (I've got the whole series, I'm just missing 13 witch is like an encyclopedia of the world of Deathnote)

Kurohime Vol 1-3

Withcblade: Takeru Manga Vol 1 & 2 (I'm confused about this series because it only suposedly ends on Vol 2 but I've seen like Vol 12 and other numbers like that. So if anyone knows anything about this, I would really apreciate it. Thanks)

So just last 2 nights ago (6-29) I finished reading Deathnote. And I LOVED it. The whole story was amazing and I totally didn't expect the way that it was goin to end. I'm not going to say how it ended because I don't like to be a spoiler, but if you have read the series then you know what I'm talking about. So I would really apreciate your help on this.

***SPOILER***

Thanks in advance. And thanks for reading.

So after everything that has been goin on these last few months, I think that things are finally done. My parent's went into some intense counsiling for a weekend like a month ago and i think that it's paying off. They now try to talk things out before jumping into an argument. They are more calm about things and i actually feel much better now at school. We also started doing something that was recomended by one of you guys here on GS, we started to go out almost every week for dinner and we make sure that we spend a lot of time as a family.

There is still does ocassional fights, but it's nothing like it used to be. I would like to thank every single one that helped, that gave me advice, and that was there to support me. I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for everyones help, thanks again.

And now moving on to Firefox 3.0. Recently Mozilla released Firefox 3.0 that is loaded with great stuff. I didn't evern know that they were working on a new version until I read an article about the new version on Yahoo! Tech today while I was at work. (I was suppose to be working, but I got bored and decided to check out the Tech page for anything interesting. ) So as soon as I got home I went to the mozilla home page and I downloaded the new version. It's a little different but i really like it. I think that the article on yahoo does a really good job at explaing the basic features of the new version so i will just let you guys read it.

If you guys don't use Firefox, I recomend you that you switch over to it as soon as possible. It's is more secure and way better than Safari or Internet Explorer. If you are interested on downloading it just go to the mozilla homepage.

Well, thanks for reading my blog.