I often wonder now that I see you with her what would be of me, my life.

Would I be happier or disappointed...everything would have been different,

that's for sure If ...I had the courage then...

If I had the courage to talk to you , right there and then sort it ALL out. But I was too scared, to young... because when I learnt what you have supposedly done, my whole world collapsed.

I felt betrayed with the person that was my whole world.

I changed...I didn't even wanted to be in the same room with you, I was blinded with the "hate" with all those emotions that I felt for the first time all that strong and beautiful emotions turned to hurt and to indescribable pain...

You supposed that I changed my mind, my heart...that I didn't love you anymore that I loved ''him'' better...OH, how wrong.

I thought that you didn't love me at all... I was so WRONG

They say that first love is the deepest, that your emotions are the strongest when you fall in love for the first time...well, I agree that it cuts the deepest!

You get scars for life, that shape your life ...who you become...

I tried my best to hate you but as I later found out I couldn't... And when I finally opened to the person I trusted the most, I saw the BIG picture...

Then I knew I had to straight things out...because I was slowly "killing" myself with grief and sorrow with things I've done and not check it all...but you were too proud...you wanted me to suffer because of what I did to you...and I DID, really I DID...And so I tried and tried to talk to you, to explain...but the opportunities to do so didn't come up, "others" made sure of that...and when they finally came I would froze...didn't know how to start...and so I let the opportunities to slip one after other...

And so months past...years past...I changed, you changed...

We found ourselves in the same triangle...but I decided not to act on NOW real emotions that I felt for ''him'' it in respect to you...that it would be too weird and I wasn't clear with what you feel about all that, if I really have gotten over you... so I stopped the further development between ''him'' and me...WRONG AGAIN!

So, months past...when I finally decided it was wrong to give up something nice and good with ''him'' because of what we once had. Well, MIGHT have had... but it was too late

I grew up, you grew up...

People consider me to be a good, out-going, kind, nice person not so ugly ... they wonder why I AM alone...

How can I tell them that I have scars that are too deep...

That I'm afraid of letting man in...That I built a SAFETY WALL around my heart...so no one can enter even in the ''street'' where my heart is... That those who tried got stuck in the thorns surrounding that wall...

It took me almost a decade to find confidence again... in myself, in men again...

I thought that I dealt with all of these emotions and feelings long ago...

but the truth is, they were hidden deep, very deep in my heart.

And NOW I know it's time to LET IT ALL REALLY GO!

It's time to realize that COULDA-WOULDA-SHOULDA,

what she said, he said...

REALLY won't bring you nothing GOOD!

SO I'm finally LET YOU GO! ( although you live a cross the street)

I'M READY to tear that SAFETY WALL down, the thorns are gone and roses are left...

I'm ready to fall in love again...!

I really wish you all the best in the world but I must

LET MYSELF FREE !

I did what I did, you did what you did...

I dug it up one last time so I can SET IT FREE FOR GOOD, far AWAY,

far AWAY FROM ME...

into the RIVER OF LETTING GOES...

because there OUR STORY'S final rest is...