Nighttime is wierd. On one hand, it makes everything about life seem so hopeless. It's dark, quiet and ultimately lonely. But on the other hand it's so full of possibility. It makes your mind wander with 'what-if's and 'if-only's and before you know it, you find yourself dreaming without even being asleep. It's almost as if you're trapped in a bubble, awake in the middle of the night, with nothing but your thoughts. It can be either very liberating or very dangerous. The thoughts that can emerge can either reinforce your view about life, or it can make you question every single aspect until you start to doubt everything you've ever done.

Memories start to flood back, some heart-warming, some just plain heart-wrenching and when that flood comes, it's often hard to close the gates. It's like the darkness of the night obliterates any defences you may normally have against such recollections and suddenly you're at the mercy of your own subconscious. You start to compare how things were then, to how things are now and whilst in your sleep deprived state, it's easy to favour the former.

The thing is though, that even whilst you're thinking all this and feeling like there's no end to the torment, you know deep down that as soon as morning comes and the famous 'harsh light of day' shines through, all of these thoughts are going to melt away and you'll be left feeling a)tired and b)kind of ashamed at feeling so pathetic in the first place. Comforting as this knowledge should be, it doesn't help to alleviate the pain that these nighttime excursions into our pasts (and possible futures), that we so often go on bring with them.

I can't help but ask myself: If life was satisfying enough now, then would we really be looking back with longing for times past, rather than with relief that they're over? And how could life have been as good back then as it seems looking back, when we know that it all ended badly, which is why it isn't still that way now? And if that is the case and life was better then (unbeknownst to us at the time), then how do we go about making life as good now, without making the same mistakes we made before, which made it all end badly?!

I guess it's a case of selecting what to take from your nighttime journey through time. After all, a lot (if not most) of the thoughts that break through will be hostile memories, simply resurfacing to make you feel bad and whilst achieving this objective, really aren't there for any other reason. But a precious few will hold valuable information that, if used correctly, might not particularly make life better or richer, or change the world, but which might make you learn something or realise something about yourself. Something which might make you a better person.

At least until the morning anyway...