I didn't expect it to come out like this. I would have prefered to tell everyone on live TV, in front of thousands of people. But it isn't uncommon for unusual secrets to be revealed on the internet.

A few days ago, an allegation about me was made on the Gamespot AU board. Everyone laughed it off, and I didn't think any more about it. Then the phone calls came. And the emails. Everwhere I went, people would come up to me, asking the same questions over and over again, in much the same manner as a trained parrot. I thought if I hid away for a while, people would forget, and the whole thing would just blow over. But interest intensified.

About two days ago, I decided I would tell the world, but I couldn't imagine how. After the admittedly stupid and impractical idea of writing the message out in landmines and dropping antelope on them, I hit the perfect idea; the place where it all started, the Gamespot boards. But a blog or a thread wouldn't really do it, I needed something more visual. Cue new brilliant idea, a forum signature.

So now it's time to tell the truth. My heart is in upside-down. My skin is the texture of dolphins. If I could be bothered, I could crack the Da Vinci code in 47 seconds. I did once throw a microwave at a homeless man. I am not machine washable. All my pot plants are called Steve. I only know 2 facts about ducks and both are wrong. And no, Turbo, I dont look like that underneath my helmet. But the biggest truth of all;