I typed this up on another site, but I feel as if I have yet to inform any of you on my status whether or not you really wish to hear of it. As a preface, I suppose I should infrom you that this is really more about the side of me none of you will see, rather than the outgoing nonchalant gamer as I express myself to be on this. And well, here it goes:

I'm not sure if this blog is even worth making, but I feel as it it is something I need to tell people who come in contact with me. And let me say now, I'm probably not going to properly format this, so sorry if you find it difficult to follow. But what I want to talk about is my personality, or lack there of and the disappointment that often follows from finding it. For those who have not spoken to me in person, this may appear obscure and perhaps confusing, but I am simply part of an internet generation of people who occupy there computer chair longer than a desk or bed. I will surely not blame any of my decisions or actions based on this, but I am part of a growing population of people who grow more comfortable speaking to friends or well strangers who talk to you on sites like this, than in face-to-face interactions. I'm as well an atheist, which makes my name quite the topic starter, but having no faith in a higher power leaves me without hope and I can be a real downer at times, but I try to keep half-smile sported on my pudgie face. I don't know what you all think of me, but I'm convinced into thinking I'm quite a wordsmith when it comes to commenting/messaging people on these social websites. Unfortunately, when it comes to meeting me you will most likely be welcomed with an awkward nod or maybe a soft spoken hello if I'm feeling crazy. And I could never stress enough how frustrating it is, considering I would honestly wish to be "that guy" who is the center of everyone's attention, and not the jerk who can't speak his mind so is perceived as the "bad guy" instead. I can say I've gotten somewhat used to it, which is a sad in itself to say, but it never fails to boil my blood reading an outgoing "popular" person's about me stating how they are shy at first, but soon become are wild and crazy. You are not shy, you simply don't feel comfortable around strangers, as most people you'll ever meet are, and if you're not, then I'm just more so green towards you. And don't get me wrong, I've not a problem with you as a person, I'm just envious of you. I can't really paint a picture too well, but it's just like wishing you were great at sport, and you worked at it and worked at it, but you never really became a star athlete. Well that's what I'm expressing, except I'm just no star at living. I'm sure many of you are saying to yourself, or those ones talking out loud to your inner therapist that I've a girlfriend and that I've no place to complain, and I say phewie on you! I'm not attempting to complain with this at all, I most stress that. I just feel obligated in a sense to announce this "problem" of mine, for I'm done making a horrid impression on potential friends and having no explanation besides a lengthy, gawky message over the computer to them breaking down why it is I was such a introvert and not some dimwit. That's what I am, an introvert. In a perfect world, I would be your best friend and you would look to me to get the party started and rolling, but that's just not what I have to give you. I'm a blundering, bumbling, and bungling butterfingers. I let the easiest of conversations, comebacks, and friendships slip right through my hands. I often find myself complaining about these things to people as well, and you know that is a recipe for a perfect disaster. As if you looked past my painful shyness, you run into a wall of complaints and arguments, all about myself, and you don't know how to respond because they're all quite true but you don't wish to be rude, so you slowly but surely grow farther and farther from me and I become another face in the crowd who you'll give a glance at and a trying smile if I'm lucky. I've grown to realize in my few situations where I am surprisingly into a conversation, that everyone deals with what I do on a daily base, and are naturally adapted to look past all the hair-raising outcomes and find a hilarious powwow out of it. I just can't do that. There's only one person who I'm completely comfortable with, and her name is Quinn. I'm not going to write a paragraph about how she is perfect for me because I'd imagine you would be turned off from this if you haven't already, but love is the only thing that has made this "problem" of mine disappear. But now don't be getting any ideas if I do talk to you ya hear? Anyways, I most apologize in advance if seeking some happy ending from this, it sadly just repeats itself over and over again, but why am I telling you? You can see that for yourselves. And I'm quite the pessimist, which is of no stun. I'm often lethargic in my actions and I don't want you to confuse that with what I'm speaking of, so don't confused if you find me sleeping on the ground as a party is occurring out the door. I find you all to be the biggest obstacles I've ever come across. This letter is meant as a warning and a explanation to all, I want to be your friend, I really do, but you must give me a little bit of a crutch to lean on, and not to expect the most out of what I have to give you, but I hope it is at least something to you. Thank you for reading, and I'd love to hear any feedback from all of you.