On the interblag.

Yeah. I've got one of those fancy official-like blogs now.

Check it out here.

Here's a piece, written about my favourite thing, me. It's a short narrative story, but I find it to be Pulitzer-worthy.

On Jerky Love
A Thesis par Keenan Nurmsoo

Dare not call the beauty of its red packaging false. Cursed be the man, woman, or child that considers its sweet flavour artificial. Oberto is my shepard, delivering me from evil, in the form of authentic beef jerky. And don’t forget the refreshing, heart-attack inducing power of Rockstar energy drink. Without its guidance, my coffee break is a mere shade of the coffee break it deserves to be. Forgive me for the long-winded introduction, for the meat of the story lies within the creamy nougat centre of the narrative. ‘Twas a late evening. I was thirsting and full of hunger. The setting of our scene is Zellers Incorporated, a division of Hudson’s Bay Company. Indeed, I am in the employ of the Hudson’s Bay Company. Trading furs... exploring the wild... mapping... wearing pretty sashes... maybe naming a lake or small creek after myself. I don’t know. Retail isn’t glamourous. Forgive me for romanticizing, okay? It’s not enough that I’ve got to write in some form of English no person can understand. Ahem. Back to the glorious narrative. I spotted a package of Oberto beef jerky, and a can of Rockstar. It was perfect for break-time snacking! So, with great joy, I purchased Oberto teriyaki-flavoured beef jerky and a can of Rockstar. I then proceeded to the break room. No one in sight. Just me, some beef jerky, and a can of Rockstar. No one to be all up in my face about the grossness of what I was eating. Score, I daresay. If you want me to describe the taste of teriyaki beef jerky with a Rockstar chaser, I’d have to compare it to a charming dinner party on a midsummer’s eve, where the guests all compliment your parlour’s interior decorating, and your manservant Jorge isn’t talking about how he killed twenty-seven men in search of Mayan gold. Yes, it was that delicious. It tasted like that scenario. Don’t ask me how. It just did. And so, my break was refreshing.

Positively succulent, like a fine steak.

-otwall

They see me rollin
They hatin
Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
My music so loud
I'm swangin
They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty

Jeah, jeah, dey always trying to catch otwall ridin' dirty.

Dedicated to the memory of CanadianNooB - Keep owning those idiots in OT up in perm ban heaven!

-otwall