Do people get sucked into games anymore these days? I don't mean figuratively, I just remember that this was a common occurence back in the 80s but I haven't seen it happen in any entertainment spectacles lately. They get pulled into comic books and TV shows/movies, maybe, but it's been awhile since I saw anyone get dragged into a game. The reason I ask, is because I was playing Beyond Good and Evil a few weeks back and it got me thinking about the best "role" to take on if you happened to become a victim of transplantation into a game.
See, almost every Pearl (the currency in that game) I found had to be handed over to a bunch of rasta rhinos so they'd upgrade my ship enough to enable me to continue in the game. I was only trying to save the whole planet, but I still had to pay through the nose to do it. I realized this happens time and again in games, and I arrived at the conclusion that taking a path of "selling or creating" is probably the best bet in the volatile world of a game.
Sure, the Hero gets all the glory. Whey-hey, they kicked the Evil Ruler out the window of the top floor of the Oppresive Dark Tower! All hail the Hero! Sure, that would be nice if you could get that far, but what about all the saves and extra lives you had to use? Naah, that's cheating. The heroes always have a whole lot of work to do and are frequently placed in precarious situations. Frankly, it's a lot more hassle than it's worth to get a kiss from a princess or something. Who knows if you're going to be the vanquishing hero, either? You might end up being one of those morons imprisoned somewhere and have to wait until the hero comes along and kills your guards, or, worse still, just a skeleton along the road, to be inspected (boots and coins taken), and forgotten.
You could be the evil overlord too, but you're just too big a target. You'd never get any sleep from all the worrying over whether you put enough spikes in the pit or goblins guarding the door. You do get to plot and scheme, though, and pepper it with a maniacal laugh. That does count for something, I'll admit, but think of all the things you have to plan for - foiling a hero's advances would surely take up all of your leisure time as well as business hours. What if he attacks when you're sleeping, too? You'd never get any decent rest. No wonder they're usually insane.
Don't even get me started on sidekicks, either. You risk your butt constantly, always get the second-best armor/weapons, and are frequently loaded with crap your boss doesn't want to be bothered carrying around himself. You also get stinky hand-me-downs from the Hero when he finds something better. And when you finally finish your quest, everyone remembers only the hero, at best you get relegated to "and co" in the history books. Nuts to that.
Now, I also think a bunch of those people standing around all day (or walking to and fro!) have it quite easy, but you don't really get anything out of it. Sure, your house is saved or he finds your lost frog, but overall it's a drab existence of shuffling about and whining. "You have to stop him!" or "Please, you're the only one who can save us!" are the types of things you have to spout. Lame, isn't it? Plus, if the Hero falls into the lava pit, you're doomed - I wouldn't like an existence like that.
And what about the Important Quest givers? Even worse. It's true that they don't have to work much, butthey're usually someone who can't do the mission themselves for who knows what reason, and once the hero is done with it, who's going to remember them? They're most likely going to be put under intense scrutiny and probably lose their job as a result of the fiasco. "So, you were the sheriff, were you? Why weren't YOU out in the bandit caves, then?" Once the press get a hold of it, you're finished, because frankly all you did was, yes, walk to and fro the whole time. Yes, like a chicken.
No, no. The best profession is the merchant, no doubt. You're never really put into any mortal danger, you sit in your house all day (where you can play Minesweeper at your leisure, as no one visits), and wait until that Hero sap stumbles in, bleeding, so that you can fleece him at your convenience. "I know you're saving our town, sir, but a guy's got to make a living and that's my best magical shield! 60,000 gold, I'm sorry. Okay, 59 999, because I like you. Sorry, you need more gold. Get back to fighting those orcs and stop ruining my rug." The Hero also saves you from going into any dangerous situation by bringing all the dungeon items back to you, leaving you to just knock 2/3 off the buying price and sell it yourself. You'll make a fortune from his constant visits! The merchants are also hardly ever in any real danger from the hero. Sure, you can slap some people around in some games, but the games mostly stop you from doing anything too serious. That, or there are loads of Fuzz around to make you pay dearly.
Overall it would depend what game I was in. Fallout, for example, allowed you to kill just about anyone, including merchants (although you might open a world of hurt on yourself), so I'd probably think twice about being a merchant in that world. All those mentats pills look mighty tempting to all the wrong people, whereas some loser eating tar off the side of the road doesn't merit a second glance. Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to be in that world at all if possible.
Most of the time, however, Merchants are well protected, and are definitely worth considering. I'm not really sure how you get started, though. Do you have to go spelunking somewhere to get some basic things to sell and build up your empire? In that case being a craftsman would be even better, as you'd only pay for raw materials. Or you could just go to the easier areas, clear them out, and wait until Bad Man realizes he needs to beef up security and sell your wares to the saps going in there to fight. Yes, methinks this needs much more planning and maybe isn't as easy a path as it would seem, but it's definitely the safest one.
Sometimes it seems the merchants get their just rewards, as in the fate of Griswold the Blacksmith (and the whole village) in Diablo, but this is not true. The fact is, if Griswold had given you the best stuff for free from the start, you would have made it to the bowels of hell all the quicker and accelerated everyone's demise. No, if you *are* doomed, you may as well stretch out your existence as long as possible.
Even the merchants in RTS games like WarCraft 3 have it easy. They just sell to whoever shows up and don't have to worry about being crushed like the rest of the people on the map. You make no enemies, and make a tidy profit to boot. Win win! In an RTS the merchant, if present, is by far the best, if you can't snag the role of "commanding arrow", that is.
In conclusion, I can't really find any reason why not to choose to be the merchant if the game decides to "play you" one of these boring sunday afternoons. You have great financial stability, you don't have to do the dangerous work, and you have a steady supply of goods coming in from all the adventurers out collecting. Saving the world is for suckers, the real money is in investing in the hero! Remember that, and don't forget to move out of the room quickly if your gaming system is suddenly hit by a wierd lightning bolt or ever starts glowing oddly. Do not touch it! Seek assistance! Oh and one more thing: if I ever play the game you're in, please give me some kind of finder's fee discount! I need that pistol!
This entry brought to you by
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Comments
Congratulations on the Soapbox emblem. Great editorial.
Boz
check out my blog, tell me what you guys think
Thanks for the article actually made me laugh quite a lot!
Excellent blog.
Wolf paw? Crocodile scales? Griffon tallons? What on Earth are you gonna do with stuff like that!? But you still gotta buy it if the hero wants to sell it! So soon enough you may have a storage room filled with useless junk that you can't sell because the only person crazy enough to pay for them in the first place was you!
andy: indeed. That's why I liked Fallout, with the right equipment you could off some of the traders if you wished.
They also ran out of money sometimes, implying they don't just get it from nowhere like most traders. ninja-legend : yeah I notice some of em are open 24/7 although some games don't even have day/night, so it's hard to tell just what's going on. Maybe the player is the one flippin' out.
Bozanimal: I suppose you could put it that way, although I think the real life equivalent of the game world would be bankers selling equipment to policemen or something.
Thanks for the kind words, I actually got soapbox a few months ago with a "gaming genres" blog, but it's always nice to be featured again! Sajo : I think being in the housing business is great anywhere, if that's what the Chancellor does.
Mr_Alexander: the idea was that if you had to pick something to do in a game, the merchant would be the best deal. I probably wouldn't be playing minesweeper, but I wanted to imply that they have an uneventful, simple life punctuated by high profit margins whenever the Hero appears. Something for (almost) nothing? What's not to like?
kori911 : That sounds like a noble pursuit. Not all of my games have healers in them, but all of em have merchants. Sometimes the healer is also one of the incompetents that can't do the quests themselves, mind you. Still, from a business point of view, the free healing really is just a sample to get them to buy more potions for the road, anyhow.
fohammer67: there have been a bunch of those space-trader games, if that's what you're referring to. Freelancer is the newest one, and the most action-packed, while the X series (up to X 3 now) has a slower pace. I spent a lot of time playing Privateer 2 in my youth, and had a blast. Be sure to look any of them up if you're interested, they're all quite good.
AustoCamero: indeed, sometimes the merchants just have it too damn easy!
-TheSecondSign- : The idea is that outside you can get killed, while inside, safe in your den, you can make a killing selling stuff to people while still learning magic if you please. If it were me, I'd send the saps to do the dirty work and just create a huge business empire in the process. Better payoff than just "saving the world" in my book.
TacticalShado : Yes, you are correct. Figuratively is exactly the word I wanted to use, though, as I meant to physically get pulled into the game. There were films I remember where people would get sucked into games and become characters in them. That's where I took my inspiration from, considering what the best role to take would be if you were transplanted into a game.
ReloadDragoon: that's true, I forgot about the pieces of "junk" and "dust" the hero might try to offload on you. Some of the merchants give nothing for it, but then you're right that you have to do something with it. My guess is, if you were crafty, you'd go find the neighborhood hag and make her a great offer on some cauldron ingredients or something. There's always someone that needs that crap, surely!
And a big thanks to everyone else who commented saying they liked it.
EDIT: Though on the other hand, buying 500 rat pelts and slime globs would kinda suck, alas the curse of infinite money I suppose
Great stuff.Though I have this to say, the sidekick is often the most revered by women. For some reason, chicks dig the sidekick because he has a way cooler personality than the main guy. Seriously, just look at any game, especially RPGs. Man, sidekicks may not get the goods, but chicks > new weaponry.
Personally, other than the Merchant, I'd be the Innkeeper/Healer. I'd get money just for letting people sleep in my house, and the option of killing me would be out of the option because than you'd have to rely on those greedy Merchants for your healing needs.
Or if I had to be a character in the hero's party, I'd be the really useful one that had no story-importance, but had the stats worthy enough to get the cool stuff. That way, I don't have to worry about the badguy coming after me should our oh-so-important hero die.
Funny blog dude. But I'm glad those 80's days are over. And for the record, I think "The Last Action Hero" killed the whole genre
. And I'd have to agree the merchants are usually safe from harm... (except Fable, but shhh, dont tell anyone... )
I now want to see a game based on trying to take over the Hero Provisioning Services in the local region, with some simulation aspects in inventory management and action aspects in conflicts with rival merchants. I've already decided that a game where you play the cleaning staff that tidy up all the dead bodies, shell casings, and blood stains so that each room is always immaculate when the hero walks in needs to be made, and Merchant Wars has officially joined it on my list.
Shmoe82 : you're right. The "Taxi folk" are also a great proposition, but with the merchant you get the added bonus of being able to rip off the hero twice - when selling AND buying!
NeonNinja: Yeah, sometimes the sidekicks are interesting, but in most of the ones I've played the best that happens to them is they get together with the hero (Jade Empire), in the worst case scenario they keep dying and Hero gets annoyed and leaves them to rot - it's important to be key to the story if you're a sidekick, then.
You say they get girls, but I say a Merchant is still better. Why? First you get de money, den you get de powah, den you get de womans! Sure, you need a bit of patience, but you get a bonus of having powah and money! glitchgeeman: the only problem, as I said to Neon before, is if you're not important to the story, you may outstay your welcome and just not be resurrected/healed next time.
Innkeeper sounds like a good idea too, selling some potions on the side'd help as well. dQuarters: Narrator is good too. Although maybe not as fun as the "cursor" I mentioned in RTS games, but it's still a good bet. I think you may be right, even though I quite enjoyed the film when I first saw it as a kid. I dunno when Comix Zone came out, I suppose it was around that time and then there was the movie Pleasantville, which put a nice spin on things. Shifty_Pete: great ideas! Made me laugh, your business sims. I find that when there are several merchants then they usually specialize in different things, meaning there's plenty of room for everyone to rip off the hero and everyone's happy. You could also buy them out, I guess, when you get big enough.
). They're about 99% safe, plus they get all sorts of perks, like no responsibility. They can often times be creepy, or funny, or even give the hero the strength/advice they need to win. The chicks love 'em, too!Provided I'm not in Max Payne (dead) or Oblivion (non-existent), I figure it's a sure bet.
BTW: I think I like The Last Action Hero as well when I first saw it. SEE what kids get away with?
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