Note: This is totally fake. If you believe this story, you're an idiot.

Today, Bungie announced that they're making a new Halo game titled Halo: Disney Wars. Yes, that's right; Bungie is in a partnership with Disney to design a first-person shooter aimed towards little children. "We wanted the children of the world to enjoy a futuristic war," exclaimed head developer of the highly anticipated project Don Vito Corleone, "We want children to experience the thrill when Mickey gets a head shot on Pinnochio in a Warthog." The project is said to have a budget of $300 million dollars, but neither Bungie nor Disney confirmed this. When asked how this new project will for certain land an E rating, the Don replied, "We'll just have to make them an offer they can never refuse." The new game is said to be the tale of a new war that happens many years after the new Halo 3. An older Master Chief (who mysteriously has returned to Earth) must defend his people from the ever-growing Disney Empire, an empire so big they're designing a machine to clone the Earth exactly how it is, except more Disney-ish. For many Disney fans, you'll get to play as Emperor Mickey, who will try to destroy the threat that is Master Chief.

When we went over to Disney, we found many llamas eating the heads of cows. When asked about this, Walt Disney didn't comment because he is dead. So, we asked the Don, who replied "Oh, it's only some research for a level we're doing." Further inside the Disney offices, we find many statues of Mickey Mouse holding a mysterious new gun in the shape of the infamous mouse ears. "It's most certainly a new gun that shoots out huge bags of money. Extremely deadly. Only Mickey can use it," the Don told us. Further into the Disney offices we went, and we found a letter stating some horrible puns. But, the last sentence was rather interesting: "Put Mario in that new Halo-Disney thing." When asked, the Don stated: "Yes, that's right; Mario is finally taking on the Chief." If that's the truth, then that means that three HUGE company mascots will be fighting each other in this new project. We then took a wrong turn in the Disney office, and found ourselves in a dungeon. All of a sudden, a black knight popped out at us yelling out the word "ni". When asked about this strange occurence, the Don replied, "Oh, that's the MGM movie about that Holy Grail, isn't it? Oh no, that won't be in the game."

That's all we can report about Halo: Disney Wars. It'll be coming exclusivly to the Wii on Febuary 30th, 2009.

-----------------Report by Nicky B.

Hello fellow gamers. I just tried to learn how to ride my bike today. Yes, a 13 year old trying to ride a bike. Silly, isn't it? I should be bored of bikes, but nope, I'm trying to learn how to ride one. Why do I not know how to ride a bike, you may ask? Because years ago, I was in a bike parade (with training wheels, of course). The very minute that parade started, we went down a hill, and I fell down (taking most of the other kids with me). After having my kindergarten teacher take the rocks out of my skin, I thought I would never ride a bike for the rest of my life. But here I am, typing on my keyboard about how I'm trying to ride a bike. You're probably thinking what the point of all this is, and I'm about to tell you what it is: games CANNOT simulate everything. They cannot simulate the wind on your face as your riding your bike down the street, or the pain of having rocks in your skin, or the embarrasment of finding out your girlfriend is a man, etc. No matter how hard game developers can try, they cannot simulate everything on this planet we call Earth. They cannot simulate the emotions of finding presents galore hidden under a tree on Christmas, or a mother's kiss gently landing on your forehead. It simply can't be done, no matter how detailed the graphics are or how tight the controls are. The only way it can be done is with virtual reality, but then again, why would you play virtual reality Madden when you can play real football instead? Or play virtual reality Halo when you can use a paintball gun against your friends? It's the feelings and the emotions that games can't simulate, no matter how realistic the virtuallity is. But they can simulate some emotions. Just not as extreme as emotions are in real life. This is just an example, but knowing that Mario's mom died wouldn't be as sad as your real mom dying (unless you REALLY hate your mother). It is these that video games can never simulate. Never.

This was a rather short story, but as usual, please leave your comments below, and thanks for reading.

--------------------------Nicky B.

Hello fellow gamers. I've finally done it; I've beaten my first game for my Xbox 360. Yes, sense I'm a hardcore casual gamer, I don't beat games that often. But I finally did it: I beat Lost Planet: Extreme Condition (don't believe my Gamertag in the corner; I haven't gone on Live in ages). It was pretty fun beating it, but then I realized something: what will I do now? I've beaten the game. But then I realized it... unlock achievements. Yes, those addictive little critters that you unlock to gain a higher gamerscore for your Gamertag. I started my achievement craze with one that I thought a hardcore casual gamer like myself could never get: the Worm Hunter. And guess what? I didn't get it. After that worm swallowed me whole, I went on to the Moth Hunter achievement, which I received with ease (except for the aiming, that was hard). And now, I'm going to try to get three more achievements. The "EARTH" explorer, the "STORM" explorer, and the Worm Hunter. Yes, I'll start by getting the "EARTH" explorer, sense all you have to do is find all the target marks on the first level (which should be easy). Next, I'll receive the "STORM" achievement by getting all the target marks on the second level. 10 points plus 10 equals 20, which will make my gamerscore 750 (yes, a low number. I know). Then, if I beat that worm all the way to China Town, I'll get 50 more points for my gamerscore, making it 800.

Well, thanks for reading, and congradulate me on the way out.

--------------------Nicky B.