As some of you might know, I was in the hospital about a week and a half ago for about 5 days. Although I've been home for a week, it's taken this long to be able to sit and write about what happened. Several years ago, I was kicked out of my church because I challenged a leader (ie the preacher's son) on some questionable behaviors of his. I could explain the situation, but it's not really the point in the long run. I emailed him telling that I thought his behavior was unacceptable and that, considering he was a leader and a supposed role model, he made me sick. Well, I had recieved an email from his dad--the preacher telling me that because I was unwilling to address the sinful attitudes and actions which "I have allowed to control me for so long" it was time to find another church to "plant my bitter root". You cannot imagine how badly this had hurt me. To tell me this via email was extremely cruel, like he didn't think enough of me to tell me personally. Seriously, if you get fired from your job, would you really want to hear about it in an email?!?!? Not to mentioned that I lost most of my friends because the preacher told the congregation not to have anything to do with me. Anywho, last Friday (August 2
was the anniversary of this event. So, I started to become depressed. A few days before this "anniversary" (which was August 25), I decided to blog my feelings in a note on Facebook. I had several motives in mind for this: 1) to tell people that might be in a similar situation that they were not alone, 2) blindly thinking that if the church saw how badly I was hurt by this whole situation that it might help them to think about that before doing it to someone else, 3) to let them know that what I had said in my email to him was a complete misunderstanding and I should have given this preacher's son the benefit of the doubt and not jumped to conclusions w/out hearing his side of the event and that I am not their enemy and not out to destroy them or their church and 4) to give praise to my current church because they have been my saving grace over the last several years. They had shown me the true meaning of Godly friendship and God's love. The next day, I checked my facebook and there were a couple of vicious attacks on my wall. One was actually from this preacher's son who said thatI was delusional and to not contact his wife anymore--who was one of my Facebook friends. Another person also wrote and said that I was basically stirring up expletive. I was already upset and these comments was like offering a shot of tequila to a recovering alcoholic or telling a person with anorexia that they are fat. It just got to be too much, so I grabbed every prescription bottle in the house I could find (3 total with about 100 pills total) and took them. About 45 minutes later, my husband came home from work and called an ambulance. He wasn't due home for another 5 hours, but Sara (my daughter, who's away at college) read the Facebook comments and something I had posted, got worried and called my husband and told him what happened and he needed to get home. After 2 days in ICU and another 3 days in the hospital, I was able to come home. But it was a day too late to attend my niece's baby shower. I still cannot believe that, after all this time, I am still letting these people upset me like this. And, with me having such a great church now, I don't know why I cannot get over this and it's causing me to be so depressed. This situation is also hurting my relationship with my husband and daughter because they cannot seem to understand why I am focusing on this and not on my family.
