Monday, Oct 13, 2008
Okay, this is just a quick one, Don't worry the Ellen visit to London blog will be posted soon!
Gwen, you should totally do the PM thing cos I'm getting nowhere!
Basically I'm blogging cos...things aren't great with me right now.
I think this is the first time I've allowed me to think about myself and I've kinda stopped and everything ahs caught up with me.
I'm just not okay.
I'm stressed from juggling both of my jobs and my GCSE work, and my sleeping pattern has gone to shot.
I've been getting ill recently, not seriously or anything, but it's all just symptoms coming back from a few years ago.
And a few years ago it took me about 10 months to get over it. So I really don't want this thing, whatever it is, to come back full blown again.
I try to be an optimistic person and sometimes people get confused as to my I smile and laugh so much.
This one guy in my German lesson has basically been attacking me about it for a while and I've just ignored it but then today, he said something else, unrelated but even more hurtful and I've slipped down this slope that I've been down before and I have no intention of going down again.
I don't want people to worry and I'm certaintly not posting this for sympathy, I just wanted to say something somewher seeing as in the RW I can't because I'm meant to be cheerful all the time and that's what people expect of me. I've never been one for letting people down, but on here I guess I don't feel like I have to live up to expectations. And I'm thankful for that.
In the RW I don't let anyone in. Strange probably considering on here, I have no qualms about letting you in.The thing is with letting people in you give them ammo to throw back in your face. You give them information about you that they can use to their advantage and they can manipulate it.
So I decided that letting people in was a bad idea. I decided being sad was a bad idea because I've grown up being told that I should "Stop crying, as noone likes a crybaby". it's okay honestly, this means I can be there for people when they need me and not be absobred in myself.
Which as I discovered today leads down a bad road.
I know I shouldn't be thinking about myself.
Char is still recovering form Meningitis.
My RW friend Laura has just discovered that an almost old yet still ignited flame of hers could be moving away for 6 years to complete pilot training.
My dad is...no worse and no better, yet I haven't seen him in a while.
Oh yeah and thousands of people die every day because they don't have simple amenities such as food.
Yep and I'm complaining.
Anyway, this is just me venting.
And yeah, I'm gonna go now!
I love you all.
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Posted Oct 13, 2008 11:32 am PT
ooh forgot to say that i am so gonna PM Ellen and harass her.
i haven't talked to her in a while too so here's the perfect excuse.
HUGS again
i haven't talked to her in a while too so here's the perfect excuse.HUGS again
Posted Oct 13, 2008 11:33 am PT
Aww thanks Gwen!
I love how similar we are!
Apart from our very opposing views on Lindsays hair!(It had to be done!)
You and the other regulars over at the TIU thread are some of my best friends and I love you guys.
So thank you for always being there for me!
*Huge hugs*
Haha, yess Ellen harassing is fun!
I love how similar we are!
Apart from our very opposing views on Lindsays hair!
(It had to be done!)You and the other regulars over at the TIU thread are some of my best friends and I love you guys.
So thank you for always being there for me!
*Huge hugs*
Haha, yess Ellen harassing is fun!
Posted Oct 13, 2008 11:51 am PT
Lil, don't EVER feel like your problems don't matter. Because they do. You know if you ever need to talk, I'm here, or else just a text message away. You're amazing, kind, loving, caring, speshul() and a wonderful person. This guy in German, try to forget about him. Just think that in a few years you'll never see him again. And you'll always have us. Okay?
*squishy hugs*
) and a wonderful person. This guy in German, try to forget about him. Just think that in a few years you'll never see him again. And you'll always have us. Okay?*squishy hugs*
Posted Oct 13, 2008 12:19 pm PT
Lil, just because people in the RW see you as happy and cheery all the time, you can't let that stop you from doing something about your problems. I mean, I sorta know what you mean. I am the person that all of my friends come to if they have a problem, because they can trust me. Yet, they don't realise that I have my own problems. Then no matter how hard you try to hide the fact that you are happy/nothing is bothering you, it will eventually get you down. Don't let that happen. Do something about it now.
And, don't worry about me. You need to sort your stuff out first.
Also, what did I tell you before about doing too much work. Stop it. Quit. You can't keep this up. Please, for me?
One last thing. You can't keep everything to yourself. Talk to someone. Get some help. Don't bottle it up, because eventually, it will really get you down.
Love you so much! *hugs* Next time, tell me about this on MSN. Tell me you have a problem because I'm here for you, okay?
And, don't worry about me. You need to sort your stuff out first.
Also, what did I tell you before about doing too much work. Stop it. Quit. You can't keep this up. Please, for me?
One last thing. You can't keep everything to yourself. Talk to someone. Get some help. Don't bottle it up, because eventually, it will really get you down.
Love you so much! *hugs* Next time, tell me about this on MSN. Tell me you have a problem because I'm here for you, okay?
Posted Oct 13, 2008 12:22 pm PT
Lil, I literally know exactly how you feel. I made myself ill over the summer from stress, my old eating habits (as in not eating) came back, and I started haveing panic/anxiety attacks. And I act happy all the time in the RW.
It is difficult for me to help with words, but it will defineately get better, (As I'm sure you know), but just look forward to everything getting better, if you lose hope, everything spirals downwards. You will be okay, and I found breaking things down helps. If you ever need to talk to someone about it text or PM me, because I know exactly how it feels, and I'd like to help as much as I can. I send you the hugest hugest hugs, and all happy thoughts. And don't ever think you aren't worth anything, I mean it
Love you loads, and I really hope you get better soon.
It is difficult for me to help with words, but it will defineately get better, (As I'm sure you know), but just look forward to everything getting better, if you lose hope, everything spirals downwards. You will be okay, and I found breaking things down helps. If you ever need to talk to someone about it text or PM me, because I know exactly how it feels, and I'd like to help as much as I can. I send you the hugest hugest hugs, and all happy thoughts. And don't ever think you aren't worth anything, I mean it
Love you loads, and I really hope you get better soon.
Posted Oct 13, 2008 12:27 pm PT
Lil, I would probably exceed some unwritten limit for how many characters you can have in a comment if I started writing a comment, so I'll just have a serious talk with you next time we talk on MSN, ok?
And Gwen, my Firefox isn't working, I think the fire finally caught the fox's tail, so I am using explorer and I can't open my PM box so HA!
I miss you though
And it's not intentially I am keeping the pics from you, I have them in my phone which I have lost the cable to so I need to bluetooth it over, which only my laptop at dads's got, so yeah. I go there on Thursday. Oh, and don't be disappointed, I only have have like 50 pics! LMAO! I have vids, that's all that is interesting really
And Gwen, my Firefox isn't working, I think the fire finally caught the fox's tail, so I am using explorer and I can't open my PM box so HA!
I miss you though And it's not intentially I am keeping the pics from you, I have them in my phone which I have lost the cable to so I need to bluetooth it over, which only my laptop at dads's got, so yeah. I go there on Thursday. Oh, and don't be disappointed, I only have have like 50 pics! LMAO! I have vids, that's all that is interesting really
Posted Oct 13, 2008 1:00 pm PT
there goes the whole harassing plan Ellen. bad firefox. i've been having problems with firefox too. earlier the arrow wouldn't stop disappearing it was very annoying.
miss you hun. hugs
miss you hun. hugs
Posted Oct 13, 2008 1:06 pm PT
Don’t fret, hun. Eager as I am to read the London blog, we know you are doing your best. I might go and foot-tap Ellen
Hun, you have a lot of pressure on your shoulders. I don’t know of any girl your age that has two jobs while still studying. No doubt you are feeling sick. That’s too much stress for anyone, and not sleeping properly certainly is not helping. If you need to drop a job, don’t doubt it and drop it. Your health comes first, hun. You are always first, please don’t forget that.
I understand you perfectly. I don’t like to show my feelings either, especially when I’m not feeling good. I hate worrying others, because we all have usually enough stuff in my plate. I’m really sorry that the guy in your class got you. But I don’t think anyone expects you to be cheerful all the time. We are all entitled to have a bad day, and letting others know doesn’t imply letting them in or sharing any more than you want to, so they could never use it back. But it makes us human, which in my opinion is a good thing. It shows that we can have a bad day without needing to cry on anyone’s shoulder and get over ourselves waking up strengthened the next morning. I would very much suspect of someone who has a smile in his/her face 24/7.
You are right in that here you can relax a tad more because no one has to live up to any expectations. We have learnt to respect everyone and love each other like we are. That’s why it feels so good in here, and why I keep visiting every day
And hun, just one last thing. You have all and every right to be selfish and think about you. Of course there are people with bigger problems, both close and far. But it doesn’t mean that our problems aren’t important. So don’t feel bad about it, and remember we are all here for you.
Ginormous hugs. Love you to bits!
Hun, you have a lot of pressure on your shoulders. I don’t know of any girl your age that has two jobs while still studying. No doubt you are feeling sick. That’s too much stress for anyone, and not sleeping properly certainly is not helping. If you need to drop a job, don’t doubt it and drop it. Your health comes first, hun. You are always first, please don’t forget that.
I understand you perfectly. I don’t like to show my feelings either, especially when I’m not feeling good. I hate worrying others, because we all have usually enough stuff in my plate. I’m really sorry that the guy in your class got you. But I don’t think anyone expects you to be cheerful all the time. We are all entitled to have a bad day, and letting others know doesn’t imply letting them in or sharing any more than you want to, so they could never use it back. But it makes us human, which in my opinion is a good thing. It shows that we can have a bad day without needing to cry on anyone’s shoulder and get over ourselves waking up strengthened the next morning. I would very much suspect of someone who has a smile in his/her face 24/7.
You are right in that here you can relax a tad more because no one has to live up to any expectations. We have learnt to respect everyone and love each other like we are. That’s why it feels so good in here, and why I keep visiting every day
And hun, just one last thing. You have all and every right to be selfish and think about you. Of course there are people with bigger problems, both close and far. But it doesn’t mean that our problems aren’t important. So don’t feel bad about it, and remember we are all here for you.
Ginormous hugs. Love you to bits!
Posted Oct 13, 2008 1:59 pm PT
i never let people in - its really bad because it causes me to bottle EVERYTHING up and then when i get tipped off the edge and can no longer bottle it up i tell my feelings and thoughts for about the last month to this one friend who says it doesnt bother her but i know it does! - so yh don't bottle things up!! gah GCSE's boo - i start my applied ICT GCSE exam after the october half term and i have my mocks at the end of november :S:S:S:S:S - luckily my parents said they will give me money until after my gcse's but then i have to get a job hope you feel better soon x
hope you feel better soon x
Posted Oct 13, 2008 2:25 pm PT
Hugs Lil! It's okay to complain once in a while, everyone needs to. You're a really wonderful person, trying to think of other people. I get how you don't want to worry anyone by being happy all the time. But you still have to take care of yourself! Remember that while you might be the person everyone turns to, you need someone to turn to too (that's sort of a tongue twister, isn't it?). So, I hope you can find that person in your RW. But if you don't, know that we all love you and we're all here for you. *hugs*
Posted Oct 13, 2008 9:10 pm PT
Lil, my dear, we've already kinda talked about this so I'll just say I agree with Lottie. We're all here for you and what's the good in having us if you can't lean on us from time to time?
I love you Lillypad. You wanna talk just say the word, yeah? *hugs*
I love you Lillypad. You wanna talk just say the word, yeah? *hugs*
Posted Oct 14, 2008 12:28 am PT
I know how you feel hun....I don't let anyone in in RL, as you said you tend to end more hurt if you do...But, although I tend to do exactly what you just wrote, I know that we miss a really good thing doing that...
Just remember that you have all the rights to complain, it's your life, you have to live it, and part of that is complaining about it...
If you need anything jsut let me know ok??
HUGE HUGS!! Love you!
Just remember that you have all the rights to complain, it's your life, you have to live it, and part of that is complaining about it...
If you need anything jsut let me know ok??
HUGE HUGS!! Love you!
Posted Oct 14, 2008 12:43 am PT
Lani: Thank you for talking to me about this the other night, and for treating me with respect. The rest of the wendy bunch, don't think I talked to Lani and not you cos I trust her or love her more, that is not the case at all seriously, you are way off, cos I love you all a ridiculous amount.
I just knew that you guys would worry and I didn't want that, I didn't want you all to worry, I love you too much for you to go through that for me.
Lani gave me advice without telling me what to do and I needed that freedom to choose for myself.
Which I have done.
So thank you Leila, I know everyone else would've been equally as amazing as you were.
I will always come to you if I have a problem, always.
That "you" means EVERYONE!
Hugs
Loves!
I just knew that you guys would worry and I didn't want that, I didn't want you all to worry, I love you too much for you to go through that for me.
Lani gave me advice without telling me what to do and I needed that freedom to choose for myself.
Which I have done.
So thank you Leila, I know everyone else would've been equally as amazing as you were.
I will always come to you if I have a problem, always.
That "you" means EVERYONE!
Hugs
Loves!
Posted Oct 14, 2008 9:20 am PT
Hayley:That means so much thank you. I am so happy that we have grown closer over the TIU thread, along with BM,JJ&Gwen.
LONG AND CURLY WILL ALWAYS WIN BTW!
I'm really sorry about what happened to you over the summer, but it has shocked me into doing something about my work situation, as you can see from the comment I left above, I did quit one of them.
You are amazing!
Thank you so much for texting me every Thursday! I can't tell you how much I look forward to those texts after second lesson!
And thank you for everything you've said.
*Huge hugs*
Love You
LONG AND CURLY WILL ALWAYS WIN BTW!
I'm really sorry about what happened to you over the summer, but it has shocked me into doing something about my work situation, as you can see from the comment I left above, I did quit one of them.
You are amazing!
Thank you so much for texting me every Thursday! I can't tell you how much I look forward to those texts after second lesson!
And thank you for everything you've said.
*Huge hugs*
Love You
Posted Oct 14, 2008 9:23 am PT
BM:Your comments always blow me away!
Foot tapping Ellen is always a good idea, if for nothing other than to see her reaction!
I am speechless at how similar we all are with letting people in in the real world. Yet how close we can become on here with people we've never met.
It feels so good knowing I'm not alone.
Basically, after an incident in German yesterday I went home, I felt like crap and I was so angry, I was literally shaking.
Anyway, I go back to school today and I recieve remarks like "Oi oi, crazy, we heard what happened yesterday!" and "Stay away form Lil, she's insane and will bite your head off". This is what happens when a normally lucid girl loses it one time, however when some kid with anger issues breaks down and it's okay.
Something's not right there.
I have a lot to be thankful for though.
My best RW friend Fran rang me last night and basically after I went home and said boy in German asked why, she went mental at him and shouted at the other guy who contributed toward the breakdown.
It's nice to know that someone has your back when your not there to defend yourself.
Reading everyone's comments have left me gobsmacked and I know that I can come on here and rant and rave about anything in the whole world and you won't judge me, and that means so much to me.
I always have such a blast on the TIU thread with you guys as I said in Hayleys comment.
I couldn't live without you.
Thank you so much BM for being the best Internet sister ever!
Love you!
*Huge Hugs*
Foot tapping Ellen is always a good idea, if for nothing other than to see her reaction!
I am speechless at how similar we all are with letting people in in the real world. Yet how close we can become on here with people we've never met.
It feels so good knowing I'm not alone.
Basically, after an incident in German yesterday I went home, I felt like crap and I was so angry, I was literally shaking.
Anyway, I go back to school today and I recieve remarks like "Oi oi, crazy, we heard what happened yesterday!" and "Stay away form Lil, she's insane and will bite your head off". This is what happens when a normally lucid girl loses it one time, however when some kid with anger issues breaks down and it's okay.
Something's not right there.
I have a lot to be thankful for though.
My best RW friend Fran rang me last night and basically after I went home and said boy in German asked why, she went mental at him and shouted at the other guy who contributed toward the breakdown.
It's nice to know that someone has your back when your not there to defend yourself.
Reading everyone's comments have left me gobsmacked and I know that I can come on here and rant and rave about anything in the whole world and you won't judge me, and that means so much to me.
I always have such a blast on the TIU thread with you guys as I said in Hayleys comment.
I couldn't live without you.
Thank you so much BM for being the best Internet sister ever!
Love you!
*Huge Hugs*
Posted Oct 14, 2008 9:31 am PT
Curly: Thanks for the comment, especially as we don't know each other well, thank you for caring!
GCSEs suck, there is no other way to describe them!
Wow, your parents are so generous, lucky thing!
Thanks again.
GCSEs suck, there is no other way to describe them!
Wow, your parents are so generous, lucky thing!
Thanks again.
Posted Oct 14, 2008 9:33 am PT
JJ: Thanks so so mcuh for the comment, I know how much trouble you're going through at work right now and I wish I could fix that for you cos you deserve to have a boss that appreciates you in all your amazingness!
I have my fingers crossed for Monday!
I guess letting people in in the RW is a big problem for all of us. But my reasoning is, whatever I miss out in in the RW I make up for on here.Thank you for being so understanding, I know that I can get through this with you guys by my side...in spirit anyways!
Thank you for being on the TIU thread so much, you guys never fail to cheer me up after a long day!
Love You,
Huge hugs!
I have my fingers crossed for Monday!
I guess letting people in in the RW is a big problem for all of us. But my reasoning is, whatever I miss out in in the RW I make up for on here.Thank you for being so understanding, I know that I can get through this with you guys by my side...in spirit anyways!
Thank you for being on the TIU thread so much, you guys never fail to cheer me up after a long day!
Love You,
Huge hugs!
Posted Oct 14, 2008 9:36 am PT
Lil, Your pronlems DO matter, don't think they don't,ever! Ugg, if we lived by each other, i swear i'd beat up the people annoying you and rob aq bank for you so you'd quit work. Love you Lil-Lil!!
Love you Lil-Lil!!
Posted Oct 14, 2008 8:15 pm PT
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gwenpiper24
i don't have really have a solution to offer you hun because i still feel like that most of the time but i'm a PM away if needed, alright.
HUGE ENORMOUS GIGANTIC HUGS!!