The happy days are over...*sigh*

I mean...do anyone ever feel like killing themselves after breaking up? I'm trying to move on with life since last week, and it has been a long story...quite memorable too. I think I just can't last long relationships...after three weeks of being together all of a sudden, you can feel that somehow you weren't loved. Sometimes in a relationship, you felt like you are being played and toyed as a game when you know that the person you're dating has been dumped by at least seven people. And when he has so much experience that all the person wants is fun, you will know that you are only a part of the game. Its quite sad that somehow, the person you loved is a classmate at your school. Each and everyday, the person will go to his only friend-knit group and avoid you, it's the feeling that promotes sadness. It sometimes makes you feel that you are not doing enough, and that you should try harder. When the times you remember are the times you talked to the person and touched the person to give the best warmth you can hope to give, sometimes, it just isn't enough for the person. Personally feelings matters the most.

Its not that someone is not suitable, because that's what my friend says, it's just that sometimes you don't know how to love someone correctly. The situation where you do not know how to express your love to someone, and you caused them to be lonely, often creates a feelings...love hurts...and when the person you love starts to become a burden because you have to take care of them correctly, there is always something you never knew. Sometimes there are secrets that were not spoken out, and when you realize that this secret should have been told earlier, you could have at least promised the person one thing, and that is...to hold the person forever. It's like you shouldn't say, "I love you" when you do not mean it, needless to say, don't say it all the time.

When the person you loved feels emotional and refuses to talk to you anymore, do you feel the same and feeling as before? If someone would ask, "Do you still like the person?" if you'd get a response such as "I would have chosed her over someone else"...do you feel devastated? And especially this is a from a friend who tells you everything who asked that person, you know thre was no love. All of this was just a game, that all the person needs was just a partner to get along this sophomore year nad graduate successfully.

And what if one day you found out that the person you loved suddenly hang out with another person of the opposite sex without telling you in advance, do you feel cheated? Even so...that weekend was a quarter exam week, and the friday before, he would lie to you and say, "Sorry, I can't go out in the weekends"...but then the person you loved just...did...I knew this in advance when a friend of mine told me this when she asked him what'd he done in the weekends...don't you feel heartbroken? Surely, they've went to study together, but it's more like they've been dating each other and avoiding me to know. It's more of like he told the friend to let me know it...and that one day I couldn't do it anymore, and I couldn't talk anymore. Just before we were able to breakup, we went to watch a movie...and just before I wanted to say everything I know of, everything that the person you loved has been possibly cheating on you, this is the time that you've been played.

Sothe week later...after the exams are finished in that Friday noon, I found his cellphone on the floor. If I cared, I would have had looked inside the cellphone, and I did. It was quite heartbroken at first when I saw more than fifty msgs sent in and out with another person. I was quite ready for it...and sad too...but to think again...I always thought that the person you loved would place the phone in their purposely for you to see for yourself and tell you to breakup. Doesn't you just feel completely used?

For after the two weeks in the vacation, I was trying to forget all these things, but the day we watched our last movie...and I counted 57 days...

It was all the experiences that matter, you felt that you were just one little part of the person's life, it's useless, why do have to love someone so painful? It was sometimes about money, about the gifts, and sometimes you feel so stupid to give a something too precious on a birthday. Sometimes, it's also becuase of a friend that can ruin all apart, such as telling you everything you don't want to know, telling you heart breaking things to harm your confidence...it just...won't work...the truths all revealed at once, how can you take so much painful thing at once?

Because last week, I thought the worst tragedy that can happen in a sophomore class just happened...I know you guys are not going to believe it...but...I think I'll save it and edit it later...

I think I need to be more careful...*sigh*...right now, we're not together anymore...and it still bothers me that other people are still flirting around him...he's now in that close-knit group that won't care for anyone such as me...I think my new life is going to continue with an endless ending...

It's a little poem here...

這是一個故事
大家會想問的故事
雖然這是我造出來的事實
但是這已沒有開始
我沒想以為頑固
也或許是我的結局
因為這已是悲劇

　從前從前　有個人愛你很久

如果說
我回家看就想要阻止一切
讓你回到過去甜甜
溫馨的歡樂香味

我對你有點諷刺　也有點酸性
但事實 是我和你沒有辦法在一起
它確在這快樂社會發生產生共鳴



那感覺　或許已經很不對　我或許有努力要挽回
但是一些些　應該體貼的感覺　我沒給
　你嘟嘴　許的願望很卑微　在妥協
　是我忽略　你不過要人陪

這感覺　已經不對　我到了最後才了解
　每一頁的不忍翻閱的情節　
你好累
　你默背　為我掉過幾次淚　多憔悴
　而我心碎妳受罪　你的美　我不配

牽著你的手　一陣莫名感動
好想再問一遍

只有愛才能夠明白

如果真的我有勇氣翻閱的每一頁情節故事也已沒結尾了
但故事的最後你好像還是說了 bye.

QQ~