Most of you know by now, but for the few who don't ... I'm no longer seeing Jeremy. And for those who don't know why (most of you) a little history...

Jeremy and I have more in common than just our love for cooking, eating, talking and Joss Whedon's shows. He's also divorced with a friendly ex and a little girl (3 y.o.) who is his whole world (as she should be). Recently his ex started toying with the idea of getting a job somewhere else and leaving Tucson, and Jeremy, while not crazy about the idea, said he would move too, to stay close to his little girl.

So, a few days ago we were talking on the phone and he gave me the big serious "we need to talk", and he didn't want to do it over the phone, but in person. I started to get a little nervous because that's not usually good news. We had plans to get together for the weekend anyway so I figured we'd have our talk then and see what happens. I went over to his place Friday and no serious talky all night, nothing all day Saturday either until the afternoon when I brought it up. He seemed really uneasy about it but eventually he let it spill... apparently his ex's idea of moving was more than just idle speculation, she already has a new job lined up and they'll all be moving in about a month, and to top it off, they might be getting back together, which I suppose is good on a family front. I'm happy for his little girl and I'm proud of him for giving everything up to be near her and possibly full time parents again. I just wish things had been different. He told me he wants to keep seeing me until he moves, and much as I want to keep spending time with him, I told him I'd have to think about it, and since then I've told him no. I don't want to be a temp, if that makes sense, and he understands why not.

So, that was the end of my first foray into the world of ... I don't know what to call it... bisexual relationships? Although I wish it didn't have to end, I'm glad it did when it did instead of when we were more emotionally invested and seriously attached. It also helped that I had kind of a couple of days warning and had a chance to talk it out with a friend before hand.

We have no hard feelings on either side. The time I spent with Jeremy was wonderful, I think he was the perfect man for me to be with for the first time, and we both really enjoyed each other's company in all the other things we did too. Even though our time together was short, I will always remember it as some of the best times of my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Okay, yes, I'm weird. So?

Some of you may know I have a mild form of OCD. Not the kind leading to catatonia or severe panic attacks, just the kind that leaves me with an uncomfortable mental pressure and makes me feel like something is wrong or something bad is going to happen if I don't carry out the compulsion. So, why do I write this? Well, one of the ways my OCD expresses itself is when I'm walking on sidewalks. Either I have to avoid stepping on lines at all or, if I can't, I have to step on them in a repeatable pattern, like line, no line, no line, line etc... which is what I usually end up doing because most sidewalk squares are just the right size to make that a comfortable stride. I've been doing a lot of walking recently, just to burn off excess energy, give myself time to think and to get outside to avoid cabin fever.

Well, I have to say, the sidewalks in this neighborhood suck. I mean, I guess they are perfectly normal and functional for most people, but each piece of concrete is a different shape and size which makes it difficult for me to either avoid the lines or step on them in a regular pattern, so I usually end up walking on the shoulder of the road, or crossing the street when a dirt path is available. Tonight I was out for a longish walk and jokingly mumbled to myself "oh, you can't go down that road, all the sidewalks are broken." Which of course they're not, just difficult for me.

But that started me pondering... what other things in my life are broken or useless to me, not in and of themselves, but simply because of my skewed perception. I'm sorry to report the list is fairly long. Minor things like stories, books, shows are quite common on the list because they might be great, but they remind me of something extremely painful or a fearful situation, not because of the content of thing, but because of who introduced me to it. Interestingly, no songs, pictures/paintings or foods are on the list. I have no idea why. I already said I'm weird, right? Fortunately none of my favorites are tainted this way, but I came to those myself.

I have no idea where I was going with this, it just popped into my head while I was out tonight and I wanted to write it down. Sorry for having wasted your time.

So last night I went to help Peggy move some furniture then afterward I went back to that bar, intending to karaoke Under Your Spell, because the karaoke lady told me she could play it if I bring in a CD with the song in a special format, so I did. I got there about 11:30 and there were a couple of cops right outside the door talking to the bartender. I went to talk to the karaoke lady and just about then the music turn off and the lights came on and the bartender announced they were closing for the night. So, still no luck on recording the song. I asked the bartender what happened and she said the cops were closing them down due to noise complaints (I don't see how, the place is in a strip mall that's empty at night) and that she personally was fined $100 because she's also the manager.

As I was leaving the "Thank you" lady from a couple of blogs ago stopped me and said "I'm glad you came!" She introduced me to her friend whose name almost made me laugh due to a funny coincidence. Anyway, we hit it off right away, went to a coffee shop and talked for a few hours. Very attractive, younger than I am (27), big Whedon fan, funny, fun and comfortable to be with. We left the coffee shop about 2 and spent most of the rest of the night together, mostly just talking and laughing, until I went home shortly before 6 so my dad wouldn't worry, I hadn't planned to be out all night. We have plans to spend the weekend together for a Firefly/Serenity marathon and to cook and eat lots of unhealthy food.

So, why did the name almost make me laugh? Another friend just recently started dating someone with the same name. And the name is... Jeremy. Yes, you read that right, I met a guy. Recently I've been exploring my sexuality, just mentally, and realized the thought of being with a guy wasn't at all off putting, and was actually arousing. I'm still totally into girls, now I just have a wider selection. But the surprising thing is, until last night, I could never imagine being in a relationship with a guy, and now I'm making kinda romantic weekend plans with one. My head's still spinning a bit over all this, but I'm very happy about it.