Apparently we have a new, or newly stupid, staff journalist on board. A reviewer he should never become, and perhaps he ought to give up journalism altogether. Fox News might be looking to fill a spot, they don't seem to care about accuracy or relevancy.

Wait, the rant got ahead of the backstory, silly me.

I signed in yesterday and found that Adam Buckman had posted this recommendation for the Cleaner: The Cleaner Is a Big Downer

If you don't have the patience or inclination to read it, the upshot is that because he doesn't get warm fuzzies while watching the episodes he recommends staying away from the show.

I'm in no way stating that the Cleaner is the pinnacle of TV quality -- it's fair to middling at best -- but my reasons for saying so would not be that it didn't have a heartwarming ending (this would be a big old line of smilies rolling their eyes while watching Barney and Friends, probably Adam's most favoritist show ever). I've been to the A&E boards for this show, where real addicts are participating in the discussions. While it may not appeal to Adam's simplistic view of television, it does have an audience, and dismissing them as "downers" is also a little simplistic.

So here are a few thoughts for Adam, may he rot in a journalistic circle of hell where he must rewrite the same tabloid story about Jon & Kate over and over again:

1. Please consider limiting your viewing to things you understand and can emotionally handle. Teletubbies and Pee Wee's Playhouse come to mind. I'd suggest I Love Lucy, but she cries in almost every episode, and that'd probably leave you suicidal.

2. Maybe you thought this was a safe bet for an easy piece: cable show, low rated, no fan boy response. It still doesn't excuse laziness. You made no attempt to thoughtfully review the show as a whole, and your sole comment on the two episodes (I guess) you viewed is that because people are sick beyond their addictions it's an even worse show than it was last season.

Just in case you weren't aware, drug use and alcoholism lead to a number of comorbid conditions: Hep C, various cancers, AIDS, kidney failure, etc. This is actually a valid story arc. Not that you care about the facts or verity in the script, apparently, just that it didn't make you feel good. If you want to see true idiocy in medicine, check out HawthoRNe. You'll like that. All the histrionics you could wish for, ridiculous stereotypes, and a heartwarming ending every week. Just your speed.

3. You do realize this is a CBS Studios co-production, right? Talk about biting the hand that feeds you for no good reason.

4. Next time, could you pass your assignment on to Tim Surette? He's a better writer, does his homework, can snark like no one's business... you know, he does his job and adds a little flair.

Okay, I'm breaking my usual practice of waiting anywhere from 3-9 months before bestirring myself to a new blog, but (my) needs must.

The women's rights/abuse card needs to be used only when there's truly been an injury, in my opinion. Heidi Pratt, smarting from her interview with Al Roker (and aren't she and Spencer so mature to denigrate Roker as "the weatherman"), lashed out that she "was shocked at how rude he was, and I was crying afterwards because I couldn't believe I felt personally attacked. I wanted to say to him, 'Do you feel proud of how you're talking to me right now? I'm just a young woman and you're coming at me so aggressively and meanly and mean-spirited.'" Not content with the victim card, she decided to portray him as a predator, "I really would advise women especially to be careful around him because I feel like he definitely came and attacked me and I did not appreciate that at all."

Just to be clear, this is because he pressed her on whether she was proud of her behavior on I'm a Celebrity … Get Me out of Here!, pointedly restating the question when she tried to blow it off. He also asked them if they thought they acted as Christians should (quite honestly, I'm not sure they understand what this word means. Baldwin, unlike real pastors, didn't actually do any quality Bible studies with them, he just notched another mark on his conversion bedpost). It's only fair to point out that Roker has been equally childish post-interview via Twitter, but he isn't playing the sex card -- at least as far as I can tell. You can see the full interview here: http://www.tvguide.com/News/Heidi-Pratt-Al-1006892.aspx

What I find so offensive about this, aside from "Speidi"'s very existence using up my oxygen and other valuable earth resources, is the cheapening of the words and concepts. Heidi was never in danger of assault – physical, sexual or psychological. Hurt feelings or frustration that the interview didn't go your way are not the bedrock components of abuse. Ask anyone who's been abused and they'll tell you this.

So here's my plea. No matter how angry you are or how much publicity your ego needs to consume for validation, please choose your hyperbole carefully. Do not play the "abuse" card just for the heck of it, or because your divorce attorney or publicist says it's the best way to win. Don't call your husband, wife, child's teacher or late night talk show host a pedophile unless you know it's true. Do not hand defense lawyers the "eye-roll strategy" because you've sapped the words of all horror and meaning by your frivolent usage.[/rant]

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest :-) .

It required another kick in my posterior by Edward_Nigma, and it's not much, but here goes a new blog. I've had a couple knocking around my grey matter for many months, the good news is that I don't have the time to bore you with my thoughts on casting and the site... yet (this would be the raspberry-blowing smiley if they worked). Instead, you get a short one, for once, with no apparent theme outside the ramblings of my certifiable head:

Brooke Shields – Is there anything for which she won't become the whore? The current count is Colgate (subcampaign includes her kids), Volkswagon (the stupidest ad in recent memory, and that includes the Geico ones), Coppertone (subcampaign includes her kids), Bright Beginnings formula, Tupperware, etc. Now she's hawking a medical treatment that grows eyelashes. Yep, eyelashes. If you feel your life has been ruined by stubby lashes, your world can turn around with an application. Of course, if you don't have glaucoma, the original use for the drug, the side effects may give you a little pause, you being the informed consumer that you are. Brooke, of course doesn't care whom she hurts as long as those paychecks keep coming in.

Third Tier Satellite – It may be second tier for some of you. It's that extra $15-20 per month that gives you access to things like History International, Sleuth, the rest of the Discovery channels, Fox Movies, etc. Based on FLN's version of the Emeril Live episodes, it is so not worth pushing my bill over $100/month, and REALLY not worth losing HBO. Fine Living jumbles and cuts the title cards, and their people are so unutterably stupid that sometimes they rerun cards, deleting others. If I'm paying the rate of a premium movie feed for you, then you better be running the whole episode, and not cutting it for extra commercial time. You're getting a little extra money every month from those extra fees not to go to the second or first tier; don't get greedy. Just my opinion of course. There are a lot of things I do for my editor-ships here (my DVD collection of first runs of episodes attests to that), but I draw the line here.

Cumin and Avocadoes Don't Mix – Most of you may already know this, but Cumin, a wonderful addition to any number of recipes, makes guacamole taste like sweaty feet smell. Seriously, feet that have played football or some other contact sport.

Moderator Wannabes – You can always tell when someone is gunning for the next open moderator slot here. All the snippy, condescending posts berating other users or trying to make them feel stupid have been forsworn for new, equally useless but pleasant posts offering unneeded information or not actually answering the question. The thing is, I don't think (read desperately hope) that this has any effect on the staff's decision when it comes the time for it. The most recent batch of moderators did not split their personalities to gain the position, and I'm much happier with honesty and intelligence in my moderators.

Things I Learned at My Niece's Dance Recital – The Veronica's "Untouched" is wildly inappropriate for 6-7 year-old little girls. This is especially true when you choreograph suggestive movements. Then it's wrong and awkward, because the dancers have no clue what they're representing. Luckily my niece was part of one of the cl@ssical pieces (this would be a smiley proudly smiling if I could add one). Speaking of choreography, it's not until you attend an amateur performance that you realize that the hand and arm movements are at least 50% responsible for the grace and flow of the dance. (The link has an audio player with the song on it, you have to scroll down to find it.)

Why I Wish SonicStage had Survived and iTunes Works My Last Nerve – I have iTunes set up in Quick Launch on my task bar so I don't have to close all my windows to start it. Every freaking time Apple updates the application, I have to remove the newly-defunct shortcut and replace it with the new one. One of the many reasons Mac would be a second choice for me, even though they have some huge advantages. They're incredibly labor intensive, I've been known to delay the update for as long as a month so I don't have to hassle with it. Okay, that's not a whole lot of labor... if I haven't mentioned it before, it's the little things that drive me nuts. Little things like having to reselect year and composer in the music store because iTunes is too stupid to store my preferences. SonicStage was a much more user-friendly player.

Power Ballads – One of the many sad consequences of American Idol is that the rock power ballad has been diluted to a career choice, rather than a cool addition to a real rock offering. Even Nickelback, who have arguably cornered the recent market for this, are good for a raunchy song or two. The other item is the voice. Chris Daughtry has the gravel in his throat to handle the songs. David Cook, not so much.

Get Out of My Countdown and Go Back to Disney Where You Belong! – Please, for the love of God, someone explain to me how Miley Cyrus bridged Disney mediocrity to Adult Pop. Granted, that's mediocre, too, but she's a whole new level of crapola. I'm sorry. The girl has no talent, apparently has no rhythm, and is just plain awful. I understand why the tweens reared on Disny like her, they've not been exposed to quality anything if they're in the Disney camp, but why do teens and adults like her? I remain perplexed.

Oh, the Irony – I recently nabbed myself a TOS warning, and thought some of you might get a chuckle or two at this proof that I should never reply in a thread when I'm tired. A user posted in the editors' lounge complaining that someone was using easy points to become editor of a show the user was the editor of. Based on his description, I thought I was dealing with the same user who was causing me headaches with cheap points and attempts to dip into the point-rich show level cast as much as he could. I posted a sympathetic reply that highlighted some of my experiences. When I logged in again the warning was waiting for me in my inbox, saying I'd posted stuff about an identifiable user. Incensed, I went back to my post, which I'd painstakingly reviewed before hitting the submit button, and I couldn't find anything identifiable. (wait for it) Turns out I'd skimmed the original post too quickly. He identified the guide, so everyone knew about whom he was writing. Stupid me missed that. If I'd checked, I wouldn't have been cited because the person to whom the OP referred was not the person I had in mind. Gotta love being dinged for insulting the wrong person (this would be the smiley with the big old grin).

I hope everyone had a great weekend.