It comes and goes most of the time. Mostly when I am awake or when I go to bed of when I wake up.. ALONE... that is how I feel ALL the time..

Yes, my daughter is staying with me for the time being, until she has her second baby, but its not that kind of alone feeling.

Its the I wish I had a man in my life feeling. I hate being alone. I hate having to do everything by my self and have no one to call if something bad happens. That scares me, the only family I have around me is my daughter and Im the one she would call if she needed someone,, I have NO ONE!!

Im not really sure what to do. I know going out to meet someone sounds good on paper, but I work week ends, Im NOT going into a bar to meet someone or church, god is NOT my pimp. and I work funny hours during the day to volenteer somewhere.. And most times I have been working six days a week.

I really do not like nor can I afford a datting service. I have tryed those and get old men that just want to try and sleep with me.

GOD!!! what am I going to do..? My older brother got married the other month, his first. he 42, I know there has to be someone out there for me. just finding and meeting them is my question..

Someday I would love to write a book about how to deal with teenagers. and make a million. or make a lot of parents happy..

Mine is 19 and having her second baby. by a different father.. OH JOY OH JOY!!... I have I have learned over the years of being a parent, that no matter what you do. how ever you try to raise your children, in the end they still do what ever they want.

I love her to pieces but I think she is making really bad choices. and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel like I have to be the one to fix things and take care of things.

thank god she does take care of her son and I know she will take care of one she is going to have next month.

I just wish things were different.

Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: I Love you I Love you I Love you...