Ho ho ho~
I was crumbling alone, i didn't want to let anyone know about how i was feeling. I managed to open up to Quistis (Symon), but i still couldn't tell her my full story. I couldn't open up to anyone at all. I tried to look alright, at home, at work, everywhere.
NOT that i dont' have any friends or anything, i'm not anti-social lol. Just that, i realize i couldn't talk to anyone about it. After near to a month of pacing back and forth, i finally had an answer to all my own questions.
I made a decision, and that decision will remain made.
I thought i was confused enough when i wasn't able to keep myself organized for the past month. But now, i am actually more confused than ever, even after making a decision.
And it just strike myself, i am still unable to tell anyone about things, yet... *sighs*
The unions i'm currently involved in, i'm absolutely very very sorry for being a selfish prick and didn't participate as actively. But I will work on the double now, for all the unions i'm an officer in.
I'll be honest, the unions i'm currently involved in are not 100% strong yet, and things just keep happening. Officers leaving, lack of activity, etc. All these seem to be common problems for all unions. But when i lump all the troubles together, it's going to be quite a headache. I am not sure if i can pull it off. But i'm hoping all the officers i know will all stand together, and we'll overcome anything.
A big sorry to all my friends. And a big thank you to my friends for bearing my self-centered actions. 
*kisses*
I'm back.
Comments
I hope everything turns out well.
She has helped me with my problems as well. I know you don't know me all that well, but I will be here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. Hope everything turns out ok.
I really hope you feel better soon, we are all here to support you!!
No no, don't worry Freya! I believe we can all trust our fellow officers to do a good job. We have pretty outstanding officers. That i'm sure of 
Although it is our loss for losing you, I don't think we should pull a long face over a friend's new journey into a better life!
This advice, i wish i could practice what i preach lol. Although i'm still feeling as worse as before, just with a mixture of different emotions this time. But i've really made up my mind on a lot of things, and i'll make sure i carry them all out swiftly.
I wish i could open up to my parents, but i just didn't want to worry them too much. but i did open up to my cousin, it actually does help. Thanks to her, i am able to focus a bit more now.
j/k.Chobi, as what I've said before, we're not expecting you to do what is impossible. We all have our lives outside Gamespot, and we understand if you cannot be as active as you usually do all the time. Don't pressure yourself much. As what SyMon said, we all love you.
( Btw, SyMon, just so you know, I loved Chobi first!
)
If the both of you are going to start fighting over me, don't do it here. hahaha~ No. I'm not pregnant. And you'd probably know what i'm going to say next, for a conservative young Asian lady.
I'm coming back in full force now, so be prepared... I'm already putting aside my real life problems now, and am looking ahead about it. O forums.. ere' i go~ It takes sometime to fully find ourselves. And even after that, it takes time to follow the decisions we made, But here we are with u and we will not leave you alone, less in times of bad weather ... Just rememberGanbatte kudasai!!!
Well... it's probably well now. I don't find any holes or anything on myself.
SymonDezyn
*BIG BIG HUGS!!!!* xoxoxoxoxo