Let's start off with the bad.

Most of you saw my posting a few weeks back - Silverwood trip with Steven, a friend from high school. Saddly his father Alex passed away on Sept 30th, after a long battle with a heart condition . If it wasn't bad enough that he died but Steven will be getting hit doubly hard in a few days, because his father's 60th birthday would have been in just 7 days (Oct 9th ).

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Grandma update:

First off I'd like to thank each and every one of you for your kind words and for keeping my family in your thoughts during this time. I may not always respond to your comments, but they do mean alot to me.

So a few days ago it seemed she was doing better (eating a few spoons of food, sitting up and such ). It seems she had ANOTHER stroke 2 nights ago - she had another "attack", was in pain, moaning, yelling, and once she calmed down (meds ) she was confused, face drooping, and slured speach. Thankfully she seems to have bounced back from that , as much as she's going to. But... the doctor said she could have many more "mini-strokes" several times a week until she passes .

She was MOVED, to a nursing home. The psych hospital she was at couldn't see treating her anymore. Basically they deemed her dimencia not to be a "problem" anymore, and decided it was time for her to move to a long-term place where they could just focus on the medical part - this whole complicated thing I couldn't even begin to explain. I think it was more of a case that the nurses got tired of having the family around nearly 24-7. **It was sad there. In the 2 1/2ish weeks she was there, we were basically the only visitors at all. When we'd sign in and out each day we were the only ones on the list (we were filling up the sheets ), save for 1 guy coming 1 time - when he dropped off his mom/aunt?, he didn't come back while we were there. It was like people just dropped off their family member and forgot about them. Even the nurses said that some of their patients (some there for months/years ) NEVER had family come to see them . I don't see how anyone could just "forget" about a family member, put them in the hospital and never look back .**

Anyway, she was moved yesterday just after noon.

This morning she was strong enough to get out of bed (in wheelchair ) and go into the dining room to sit with everyone for breakfast - she only had a few sips of broth - but it's something so we're glad with what she can do.

It's scary to hope this up-swing lasts, because each time she rebounds she crashes again. So it's like on one hand being happy she is getting "better" but just having to remember it won't last, that even though it means we get to keep her around just that much longer, it means it's gonna hurt worse every time she takes a turn. Or that she could be in the middle of an up-swing and having her pass in the middle of the night, so we have no way to brace ourselves - or be there for her when she goes.

Mom is heading back to Seattle either after work tonight, or first thing in the morning. Depends on when she can get tires on the car - I told her I WON'T let her drive over the pass again - especially now that it's starting to snow up in the area - with TOTALLY BALD tires - the front two are totally smooth, great for drifting not for driving, the last thing I need to worry about is her getting into an accident with either sliding off the road or blowing a tire. And with all the constructon going on, stop and go traffic, she needs to be able to stop safely.

I'm staying home this go round - have stuff that HAS to get done around here before winter sets in (covering pipes, pulling in the hoses, mow one more time, fix the fence... ), we've put it off as long as we could. Plus, I've got to get some 3D stuff done and update my website - once I find a way to get access to th program I need - if I ever hope to get a job.

++ Have to admit that I do have some bit of joy at this time (eventhough I don't think I should with all that's going on ). My cousin down in NM is sending me the Complete Adobe CS3 Suite (or it's CS4 can't remember ) the $7,000 one - technicaly it is already here, my Uncle A brought it up with him, Mom's gonna get it from him when she gets over there. He use to be a big computer repair/programmer up until recently so he's got tons of programs.

Now, if it is the one I think it is, it will not only include PhotoShop (heck just on it's own it would make me happy - imagine the graphics I could pump out with that one all the custom burshes I have for it that I haven't been able to use with my crappy version 6, were talking over 1,500 of them) but it should *fingers crossed* also include DreamWeaver - I could update my webpage on a constant basis (I currently don't have access to the program so I can't update squat - not even my phone number ), AND it should have Flash and AfterEffects I could update my demo reel, do animated logos, ALL THE STUFF I WANTED TO DO FOR MY SITE THAT I COULDN'T DO WHEN I WAS AT AIS - because DW was only in 2 labs, that were always booked for classes, so I only had 4 hours a week to work on it (while IN my portfolio class ), thus the lame site I have. Maybe if I can get back to working on stuff they makes me happy, that I LOVE to do, maybe it will help me pull myself out of this depression, so I can help mom out of hers. Have a few hours a day to just be in the moment, not always worring about everything else (if that makes any sens ), to focus on something I can control, and not on the stuff I can't ++

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Now, for those of you wondering about the SN motivators. Don't worry I haven't forgot. Now that things have calmed down, if only a little, I will try to get a couple done over the weekend - see if maybe I can get destressed and inspired (have a couple ideas already, just need to work em' out ).

Do have to admit I have missed the last two eps (well, have seen a scene here and there ) BUT, before you kill me I DID record them on my computer (to answer I believe Rocio from a few blogs ago, on this subject - on my "good" computer I have a media center thing, where I can run the TV/Cable thru the computer and can record it just like a VCR ) and will be watching them very soon - and burning each one to DVD.

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I think that's enough for ya'll to read for now, I'll let you know if something new comes up.

*big hugs*