Nah, it's not gonna take you three hours to read this one. But Lost doesn't have any words to their theme song, so I just thought I'd use this song would tie into the subject. Sorry for scaring you like that.

Okay, everyone should be up to date on where I've been. But unless you suffer from packratitis like only someone in my family can, you've NO idea what moving involves. First off, people in my family are, by law, required to NEVER through out anything. Combine that with our amazing ability to find the world's most useless items at garage sales, and the fact that I've had twenty years in the same home to accumulate stuff...

Now when most people move, they have to lug around far too many boxes of clothes, linens, books, DVDs, and video tapes (haven't owned a working VCR in YEARS. But someday I really will transfer them all to disks, I swear.), kitchen appliances, silverware and dishes...

But I am one of those people who take it to a whole new level.

Not convinced? Okay, lemme describe just ONE category of items I had to move. One motorcycle, without motor. One motorcycle frame. Two motorcycle front forks (One with handlebars, one without). Two non-working motorcycle engines (Never HAVE worked as far as I know). One large crate various motorcycle motor parts. One box various motorcycle wiring and cables. One rusted out motorcycle tank. Two rear motorcycle wheels. (Both flat, of course). NO front motorcycle wheel. Three motorcycle helmets (One child's, one bell, one half-shell).

Get the picture?

Okay, breaking my back for no apparent issue isn't really the issue. It's all the @#$% I never knew I owned !!!

I found...

One heavy winter Navy issued coat. (Didn't serve in the navy. And most of my friends thru the years served in every branch BUT Navy.)

Three copies of Billy Jack DVD. (Okay, it's a decent movie I guess; but why the @#$% would I pay hard-earned money for it even once, much less THREE @#$% TIMES?!!!).

A lime green woman's raincoat (WHAT THE?!!! I don't think I every "crossed the street" in my taste in clothes, and if I did I'd hope my taste in accessories would be better that THAT. Did I get drunk and have a "lost weekend" at some point in the last twenty years? If so, god, I hope I don't find the pictures amongst all these boxes.)

One unopened box containing a never used computer desk.

Three copies of Terry Pratchett's Small Gods.

One carton of Winston Light Cigarettes with tax stamps dated June 1992.

One lawn chair completely unlike any I've ever owned; Isweartogod I never bought a purple polka dot lawn chair!!!

And why, in the name of all that's holy, do I now have a roll of at least a MILE of telephone wire?

I'm also the proud owner of a brand new ten by two plank of oak.(No clue why. Never had a fireplace, so I bought it because...?)

And that's not counting the trash bag of actual trash that got moved along side the trash bags of clothes.

Now getting a bunch of "free" stuff would be kinda nice. Except for the fact that I'm MISSING stuff too.

Where the HECK is my black trench coat? And I swear the kids took a box of DVDs at some point, 'cause I can't find my collections of Universal Monster DVDs. *cry* Speaking of... I can almost understand losing a whole shelf of DVDs, but how in the HECK did I loose just disk 2 of the second season of Angel? And I know full well I used to own more than two coffee mugs. And where in the world did my "work" jacket go? That thing was kinda nasty and needed to be thrown out years ago, but DANG, that dairy cooler gets cold without it.

Now granted, the garage is still full of assorted boxes and furniture that will probably go to the garbage can before it comes inside the house. But I've gone thru all seven thousand, eight hundred and fifty-two boxes, and that stuff is just plain gone.

Do me a favor. Next time you move, see if my missing stuff is among all the "new" stuff you've got. I mean, it's gotta be SOMEWHERE, right?