So this one is going to be a more personal post. Like many mothers, I left the professional world to be a stay at home mom. I don't regret it for one second, but I do really miss working. I actually don't miss the most recent job I had, but I do miss working in television programming and research. I am lucky I know. It may not have lasted for long, but I can honestly say I had my dream job - or at least was on a direct path to it. And now I am home, I always wonder about "what might have been." If I had put my career first, I would have made different decisions. After a devastating lay off, I would probably have moved to L.A. rather than Texas. Of course, that also means I wouldn't have married my husband and had my two wonderful children. But would I have been in development by now? Could I have been one of those people I love to read about in trade publications? Would I have been able to tell Ben Silverman what a schmuck I think he is? I had a good thing going. I was making connections. Even as an intern, my bosses saw my passion and began letting me have input in syndicator meetings. I even got to program some local time - just a few OTOs (one time only specials), but it was such a great experience. A few syndicators I met even asked for my resume and kept in touch with me. Once I was working, I volunteered to go in on weekends and pull the ratings. They had to toss me out of the office at night. And I was astounded by the fact that hardly anyone I worked with actually had a passion for television. I'd try to talk about shows I loved, even ones on our own network, and no one had any input. That's what's wrong with television today. Those in charge don't love television. They just do their jobs. They may as well be accountants or bankers or anything else. That's why I worked to get the editorship for Brandon Tartikoff here on this site. He truly LOVED television. He talks in his autobiography about deciding he wanted to work in TV at the age of 7! He wasn't a legacy; he created one... his parents weren't in the business. It was purely his passion that got him there. He was a programming genius. I suppose Les Moonves is about as close as we have come since, but he still can't rival Brandon. And now I am sad. My husband suggested I start a blog to have an outlet for my love of TV, a way to get it all out (and probably leave him alone about it!). He thought it would be good for me, but the more I think about it, the more I keep wondering. And all the more I am confused by who I am. I can never go back. I could always go back to local TV. I am in a Top 10 market, and know a few people. Yet, local isn't where the good stuff takes place. I can never pick up and move to L.A. or NYC. I have made my decision. I do live in a beautiful house, and have great friends, and a wonderful family. I am blessed with what I have, so much so that I feel guilty for those thoughts about TV. I took some acting classes, and was even signed by an agent a couple of years ago, but the truth is that I am so much more interested in what is happening on the business side than in front of the camera. I resigned from the agency last week. I have another agent interested in my children. We'll just have to see if they enjoy it. They do shoot Barney just down the road from us. I am seriously thinking about grad school when my kids are in school. There are a couple of great Television Masters Programs around here. One in particular I was talking to back at my "prime." It's a competitive program though. They told me I wouldn't have a problem getting in back then, but how about now? We'll see. And what would I tell them my goals are? My kids will always be #1 now. I just want to be around the industry. I guess I have time to think that one through. My youngest is well under a year old. For now, I just have to wait for the fall to see the latest crop of programs. Summer is always boring for me. I love September - new shows! Oh wait, there's nothing exciting in the works this year as far as I can tell. Argh!