I sat down on the bed and pushed my foot into my shoe. It squeezed my toes, I could barely close the buckle. The top of my shoe was too shiny, I could see my face in it. I kicked it off and tried a pair of black boots instead. They were too warm, but at least they fit.

There was a knock at the door. I tiptoed downstairs even though Mama was long gone and went to get it. David was wearing a suit and tie. I thought he meant to go to the funeral with me, but all he said was, "Let's go for a walk."

I took a tiny step. My legs felt as if they had forgotten how to hold me up. David took my hand and led me down the path.

We walked quietly. The sun beat down on me though it was early, I began sweating inside my dark dress. I wrinkled my nose to make sure I didn't smell. I looked at David, but he was staring straight ahead, looking at absolutely nothing.

Somehow we found ourselves at Granddaddy's old house. I stared at it, I could almost see smoke coming out of the chimney like it used to when Granddaddy made fires for me. Tears came up through my throat and got stuck there.

"Let it out," David said.

I didn't answer. I was staring at the chimney like I could make it go again.

"C'mon. Just cause you ain't going to some stupid funeral don't mean you're not grieving."

I leaned against David and tried to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. After a while I sank down onto the dead, brown lawn. One part of me sat there trying to pull up the grass while another part of me watched me be unable to do it.

"What's wrong with me?" I said. David looked at me but I couldn't explain what I really meant, it sounded too crazy in my head. So instead I said, "I should be excited about going to Boston or upset about Granddaddy or something. But I'm not anything. I'm just still living." I pulled harder at the grass, it came out of a sudden and almost knocked me back.

David caught me by the shoulder. "I've lost too many people in my life. Trust me, the feelings'll come in time."

I looked up at him. His eyes were wide and very blue and his lips were full. I tilted my head back. My heart was beating fast and I was thinking all sorts of things I didn't have any right to think. Not with Granddaddy dead and me leaving. I tilted my head back even further anyway and watched myself kiss him.