You don't love your girlfriend and you know that you should.

                       You think that she's fat, but she isn't but you don't love her anyway.

So the title of this blog is from a really cool band called Minus the Bear. And i think the last time i blogged was quite awhie ago. I think  on the 29th or 30th of last month. But i've been hyper actively busy. But i'll go into that in a tad more detail in just a bit.

       So the past few weeks have been very hectic, and busy. and anyother euphamism for those words you can think of. Oh so you know the crux of this will be that i'm finished with school for the year, and i'm very very excited. I had a lot of school related stuff to tend to so i pretty much immeresed my self in all the last minute study groups and such. But in all honesty i wasn't worried. If anything i was checking to see how prepared i actaully was to what i thought i was. And i can say that i was good. School is never something i worry about, i know i'm a good student and i have a really good memory and when i have something i have it. I'm just a freak about grades so i wanted to make sure i did the best i possibly could. And i did i'm positive of that fact.

      But lets see Emma has decided to go to Santa Barbara with me this summer. And i'm glad, i honestly didn't know if she would or if it was to soon to ask her. But she brought it up, which i suppose cleared it up for me. Because sometimes i suck at reading the fairer sex when thier not being upfront and trying to be subtle. So she'll be coming in mid June. And i'll be leaving for there in late May. 

    So on friday i saw Bright Eyes live at the Granda theater. And it was a really good show, my fourth time seeing them live. But i had a very bad fever, so it sucked. But i pwered thru it for the most part. I went home after the concert and went home to pack and get what might've equated to 3 and a half hours of sleep before heading out to the cabin to get preperations started for an end of the year party i was throwing the samw night. Lot's of people were coming so i just wanted to get a look of the place before they arrived. But i was still a tad feverish. I was 105 at that point. So i took a few extra strenght tylenol thins and tried to push it out of my mind. I ended up crashing out on the couch until my phone rang a few hours later. It was people that were there to help set up, so i let them in and i just sorta hung back for a bit and tried to guage wheteer or not i should've gone to a doctor.

         At around 7 to 8ish people started to arrive in droves. And everything started to go smashingly but i felt awful i headed to the main room and laid down under the coevers for a good thirty minutes. I went out to put in periodic appearences. And Emma was there so she stayed in with me, and kept calling me an idiot for refusing to go to the doctor. But that's pretty much how i rode out the party. The next moring i made a last minute appointment, to go see a doctor who was a friend of grandfathers to check and see if the fever was all it was.

         So me and Emma headed into town to see the doctor, and he ran a quick few tests. And it seemed to be the fever was the worse. I had this sinus thing as well. So he gave me a prescription to for an antibiotic that he said would get rid of this quickly.

          Then sunday of course was mothers day and i had to go to my moms for this family dinner thing. It seemed the entire maternal side was there. It kinda sucked but what can you do. It lasted awhile, but i bought stuff for her and grandmother. And i left and headed back to the cabin. Which is where i'm at now, i suppose recuperating a bit. And it's good i bought tons and tons of supplies and books and what nots and now i'm pretty much taking it easy, which i never do so i'm kind of liking it.

          But yeah i have a concert to go to. Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie and the Postal Service. so i'll talk to you all later.

Songs you should download.

1. Final Fantasy: This Lamb sells Condos.

2. Grizzly Bear: On a Neck, On a Spit.

3. Andrew Bird: Fake Palindromes.

4. Owen: The Sad Waltzes of Peitro Crespi.

               Until Next Time.

        Tick tock, your not a clock. Your a time bomb baby, a time bomb.

                  The title of the blog is a story by the brilliant author Charles Bukowski. I love his stuff, i bought all of his novels this weekend. And i've been reading Factotum this weekend, great novel.

         So this weekend Emma and her family went to go visit her grandmother who's been ailing recently. So that left us with our first solo weekend in like about two months. So friday i was wondering what i should do for the weekend. There were a few parties going on, and other stuff of that nature. Kelly called me up and told me that Samantha this girl we both know was having a party and wanted me to come. And i was pretty much indifferent but i went anyway.

            The party was ok, typical of most parties. Lots of kegs, crappy music and people trying to hook up. Some in vain, some not so much. I saw this guy there who i hadn't seen since high school. He then proceeded to talk my ear off about his life and plans. And i think maybe he remembered us being more friendly than we were. The kid was in my Media Technology course. And he sort of i don't know always included himself in conversations and such that didn't origionally include him. And he could never really take a hint, there were quite a few girls that had to be very tough with him to show that they weren't in fact into him. So after i managed to lose him in the crowd. I saw Samantha, who's party this was. She's a very flirty girl, always was. And we hooked up once, and i was like why did i do th at immediately afterward. But to put it into perspective the girl was after me for quite some time. And we were at a party, and me and Meredith had had a particuallary bad break and when Sam started throwing herself at me i was like what the hell. And after that i pretty much could never lose her. Not that i discarded her. She knew tha ti wasn't super into her, and she kept on anyway. But yeah i took her calls whenever she called. But the girl has the tendency to get a tad obsessed. And i'm thinking as she's talking to me why am i at her party. But such is life, anyway. She's talking about how she was just thinking about how great we were toghether. And i'm like so yeah actually we were never technically together. And i let her talk for awhile andi was like yeah so i have to go, early morning. Which actually wasn't a lie, it was very much true.

          I left at 5:25 a.m. to head to the cabin.Which seemed to be the best bet for having an actual relaxing, reflective weekend. But i loved te drive up, it was still pretty early on a saturday morning so there weren't a lot of people on the road. Which is actually yhe only time i truly enjoy driving. I played about half the Bright Eyes catalog on the way up. It was oddly calming the ride up. So i got there and brought my bags up. I put my bags on the floor in the master bedroom, and then i proceeded to fall asleep. I woke up at about 1:00 p.m., the phone was ringing. I looked at the caller i.d. a number i didn't recoginze so went back to sleep for about twenty more minutes. I got up And i was really excited to jog on this trail i found for myself the last time i was here. So i soundtracked my run to Grizzly Bear, this really cool band who makes really cool, lo-fi experimental indie rock. And i got on the trail and just felt invigorated, i suppose it's all the fresh air. But i did 7 miles. Which is a mile over my max. I usually run anywhere from 4 to 6 miles. But i felt great and i could've done more but i was really hungry at that point and felt like doing nothing more than showering.

         So i showered and i put on sweats, which honestly if you knew me or had ever seen me. You would find incredibly unbeliveable. I'mn usually a very fashion forward person. But i was two an da half hours from anyone i knew. And i actaully hadn't put on sweats in a couple of years. I'm more of a wind pants guy. But nonetheless, i was in sweats. And the debate inside my head started. What exactly is it that you want to eat? And honestly i have that conversation pretty much everyday. It's rare that i already know what i want to eat.  I always manage to find a way for Emma to pick the restaraunt without making it sem as though i am. Because she's been present for a ton of these indescive food diatribes. But yeah that's about the only thing i'm not sure of on a regular basis. But I made the chioce to go into town, i need supplies and i venture to guess i'll get something food related while i'm there.

            The trip into town isn't that bad. I'm so into the song that i realize that i'm already there. I go to Walmart, which is always slow torturous death for me. But hey it's here and they have everything i need. And it's so random, but i just sort of take a look at the sheer volume of people there. But i slowly but sure ly make my way thru my list and i ger sidetracked by a few random books and magazines. I buy all of the books that look promising. One is this really cool book called You don't love me Yet. By Jonathan Lethem. And it's a really cool novel about the rock world, it's honestly worth reading i want be able to do it justice with a blurb here. But you should read up on it, and buy/rent/steal it, well everything but the last. I make my way up to the check out, and without fail i pick up a copy of one of the latest soap rags. And it's weird because since about two years ago i stopped feeling a secret shame about watchng daytime serials, now i'm pretty much like yeah well. It;s weird that i could go into a dissertation about the importance of Bukowski in the modern literary and pop culture landscape as i can about the relevance of Stefano DiMera as a machaeviallin so villian. Well, needless to say i'm an academic at heart. How i was raised, the moms is a an english professor and takes pride in the english language and it's written form, and for that matter academia as a whole. And i have no idea why i read the rags at teh counter, porabably because there there and convienant. The internet is a far better source for news about soaps. Bu teven when i have the urge to actually buy one of them i've been in line long enough to actually read all of the  pertinent info. So i pay and head by another store to pick up some odds and ends.

         I head back to the cabin and put the away. And i actaully got some hummus and other estuff at this Thai place. And it's crazy how i hated Thai food at first, but over time i've statrted to really like it. But in any case i ate Thai food and watched some past weeks episodes of Days of our Lives while i did. And i was like wow this week was lame. And i went into the office and started returning a few calls/e-mails. Emma called me to give me an update on the thing with her grandmaother and we talked for a bit. And she told me she would call me back shortly. So i put my Ipod into the dock and i cut the Good Life on. I've spoken about them before. The re the other band Tim Kasher fronts aside from Cursive. And i love both of them. I've seen both bands in concert before. And i sit down at my lap top and begin to go thru some files of stuff i've been working on. And i just sit thee for a moment, and then i get hit with a surge of creativity. And i write for three hours straight and i get a little over a hundred pages done. And that lead me to finally concluding it. I say i'll edit it and make revisons later, at that point i'm just happy it's done. Grandfather calls a little after that to tell me that the company made a major acqusistion that would add almost a fourth to the worth of the company's worth. And i was really glad, i've been privy to the fact that this deal was in the makings for awhile now. And now he was even more gung ho for my internship this summer. Which i'm sure he figures will knock out any silly notions of film altoghether. Kelly calls me and asks me how it's going out here. And i tell her honestly it;s great, i tell her about my adventures in Walmart and we go off on many diatribes about that. She tells me that she might come out tomorrow with her camera to get some shots of the cabin and the surronding area. And i tell her she's more than welcome. I read some more of Bukowski's short stories and i decide to head to the cinema. And there wasn't much in the variety of what i would call good. But never the less. I saw this movie called the Invisible. And honestly the best thing about that movei was its soundtrack. Very indie, very very, good. I owned 80% of teh stuff on the soundtrack. The movie was ok for what it was, i knew it wasn't going to be great cinema. But honestly it ws a bit misrepresented int eh trailers. But it wasn't the worse thing i ever saw.

        I got back to the cabin and watched lifetimes movies until about 1:00 a.m. and it's lame but if you cut them on you can't vut them off until you have some sort of resolution. Even though at their core there all teh same. I watched te very last Nightmare on Elm Street movie, the one were there making the movie about him. And it didn't suck as badly as i remembered it. I went to bed after that.

       So the next day i got up, and went to the pond. I took a swim for about 45 minutes and walked aling this weird trail that led to the woods. And i just sort of sat there for a bit. I took out the ATV for a bit, and then i came in and showered. Kelly called and said she was on he rway and that she was making a quick run by the store and asked me if i wanted anything? And i was like, green tea. So she arrived a little while later. And we took teh cart out and went exploring the acerage. She took random shots here and there and she told me about the stuff that happened at Samantha's party when i left. One of our friends Edmund got got having sex with another girl by his girlfriend and apparently she made a huge scene. And we laughed about Eddie for a bit, which is funny because he absolutely hates to be called Eddie> He's like the names Edmund, not Ed or Eddie. So needless to say we call him Ed, or Eddie all the time. Kelly has thi sfriend that goes to college in Oklahoma, so the girl tells her about this mixer at the sorority house that she lives at. And it sounds like ten types of lame, but we tell her were going anyway.So that's what i'm getting ready to do now. And yeah i'm sure o'll tell you about it the next blog. I'm sure we'll have oodles of fun, which is how Mary Jean the girl who's friends with Kelly described it.

Songs you should download.

1. The Hold Steady: Massive Nights

2. Modest Mouse: Bukowski.

3. Gwen Stefani: Early Winter, yeah i know her. But i love that song it's really cool.

4. The Good Life: Friction.

Books you should buy: Anything Bukowski has written. And tha tJonathan Lethem book i talked about earlier.

                            Until next time.

                 Take it slow, take it easy on me.

                 Shed some light, shed some light on me please.

                                                                            Feist.

                 So the title of this blog is a song title from Broken Social Scenes fantastic record You Forgot it in People. So i didn't have school today, because all of my courses are on Tuesday and Thursday. So today i've done not a lot but go for a six mile run and lunch with Emma. So at this moment i'm waiting to go to a last minute study seesion with people fromw my history course. It's lame because i don't need it. But it's related to the course si i'm doing it anyway. But until then i'll post this quiz that i co-opted from Serena, luvos_united. So here goes.

What size bed do you have? A full size one, i used to have a larger one. But it got burned up un a fire. So the new one is smaller but far better in terms of comfort and look.

Who's your second mom? Well, i don't know i'm pretty close to my best friend Jeromy's mom.

Do you have "your chair" "or your spot"on the couch in your house? Well i live alone so everything in there is mine. But i love my office/studio. I spend a lot of time in there, it has this really cool vintage office chair form the 80's it used to be in my grandfathers office, but i had it refitted and customized to fit me. But it's cool, it's red itallian leather and it's a highback chair.

Who's house do you spend the most time at?Mines or Emma's

What was your favorite cl@ss in high school.? English, Media Technology.

What are your first memories?Umm, probably of the beach house in Montecito, California.

How much did you weigh when you were born? I was born two months premature si, i believe it was around two pounds.

Did you use paper bags or a lunch box? In elementary i used this really cool vintage diecast Batman one. After that i didn't use one.

What's the last cd you bought? I buy music everyday so today, the last two were the new Arctic Minkeys record and Explosions in the Sky, the earth is not a cold dead place.

Do you play music at harmful decibel levels? Often times i do. It's pretty much the only way i listen to music.  But other times if i'm working on other stuff i have it on in  the backgroind so i can hear it, but so i don't neglect what i'm doing.

iTunes or Windows Media Player? I have both but i only use iTunes, i like it a lot better than Windows Media.

What is your #1 chararecteristic you look for in a girl? It's not one per se, but i love smart girls. Grils that are poised and confident and don't need a guy to make up thier self worth. Plus she would need to have a since of humor, i'm very sarcastic and cerebral.

Do you dress for sty*e or comfort? Mostly the former but comfort on occasion.

Microwave or stove? I don't use the oven often, so i guess by default its the mcrowave.

Are you addicted to soda? When i was younger yeah, but now not so much. I'm mostly a juice and tea drinker.

When you find a favorite song do you listen to it over and over? Yeah, but i mostly fall in love with whole albums and play them a ton.

Stranded on a desert island...what one thing do you take with you? Not sure, hopefully some device to call for help.

What brand of body lotion do you use? Jergens, Vaseline.

Should country music die? I like old country but new stuff i'm not into so, maybe contemporary should.

Should the guy make the first move? Well as a guy myself, it's sort of a split thing. I;ve been the courter and the courtee, so i guess it depends on how much you want the girl.

Movie theater or Blockbuster? Bith, but i go to BlockBuster more than i go to the theater.

Do you like pump tops or flip tops? I'm pretty much indifferent there both ok with me.

Are you aftaid of heigts? No i live in a high rise. And i used to jump off trees all the time when i was a kid. So no i'm prety much cool with them.

How about clowns? Never had much use for them, so i would say i'm not that keen on them. But i love IT and that's what i think about everytime i think of clowns.

Do you have a credit/debit card? Yeah both as a matter of fact.

How much money do you have in the bank right now? Enough to never have to work and live really comfortably and will it to the next couple of generations.

What is your pin number? Something i would never divulge.

Is youth an excuse for doing stupid things? That's kind of subjective, i mean everyone does dumb stuff when thier young, so it just depends on the degree in which the stupidity is.

If you were alive in the 60's would you have been a hippie? I like the hippie movement but honestly with my family it's doubtful.

Would you have been obsessed with Elvis? Not obsessed but i still like the music of the King.

How about the Beatles? Well i'm still really into them, especially John Lennon. He has a son Sean with Yoko Ono, who's a very good singer songwriter. I've seen him live before, his two albums are really worth checking out. I think he has more talent than his brother Julian.

Have you ever considered suicide? No never i have a haelthy self image, and i try not to get super bogged down in stress, probably why  i llove to go on vacation and why i do it as much as i do.

Is life nothing but pain and hurt? To me life is beautiful and wonderous, i love mines. But i could see how poeple could get down on certain things. But it all works itself out if you give it time.

Are you cool with living together? Yeah i'm cool with it, i've never co-habitated with a woman before, because that's pretty much as close as you get without getting married. But if i found a girl i think wouldn't go insane living under a roof with me 24/7 sure why not. I'm pretty anal about certain things so she would have to be a fan of cleanliness.

Do you use a lot of abbreviations on IM? Not really, i can't remember the last time i did that.

Do blondes have more fun? I think redheads do. Actually i think hair color has little to nothing to do with ones fun quotient.

If you could live in any other country, which one would you pick? I love my family's country house/villa in London. It's brilliant, i lived there for 8 months after i graduated from high school. So probably there.

Is there too much security in everywhere these days? A lot is happening in the world now, so i don't think so. I think for the most part theres jusitfication, but it's sort of a double edged sword. You don't want it to turn into an Orwellian state.

Where were you when you heard about the World Trade Center? At school?

Can anyone get into heaven? That's completely contingent on your religion of choice.

Does your mom dress sty*ish or not? Yeah my mother is quite the fashionista.

Does brown belt and black shoes bother you? Not in the least bit.

Do you follow fashion rules, like no white after labor day? I follow basic fashion rules, but not that one.

What bank do you use? My trust and estate stuff is handled thru lawyers and Chase Manhattan. But i use Chase as well, and i have another account with Bank 1.

Are camera phones worth it? I think they are. They capture a lot of cool stuff on the fly, that you might not have gotten had you had to depend on a camera you forgot to bring.

Are there to many commercials on TV? Yes

How about the radio? I don't listen to the radio.

How many times have you moved?  Quite a few.

What can you see outside your bedroom window? At night the skyline, and otehr buildings.

Was O.J. quilty? Haven;t given it muc thought, but in any case he had a great defense.

Do you like crabmeat? No i loathe seafood.

Are you lactose intolerant? No i'm a fan of dairy products.

Was any membe of your family a Mason? My brother is one, plus some old deceased relatives on my fathers side.

Can you recite the first paragraph of the Gettysburg address.? Off the top of my head i'm drawing a blank.

If you could see one of the ancient wonders, which would you choose? I've actaully seen the Colossus of Rhodes, beautiful. I have some photos from the time i went.

Are your parents proud of you? I only have one liveing parent but my mother has told me so, soi guess yes.

Do you have a universal password: No.

How many numbers are n your phone? A little over 400.

Songs you should download.

1. Stars: The Comeback.

2.Coconut Records: Nighttiming.

3.Broken Social Scene: Canada vs. America

                                    Until next time