Now, as we try to get through each day, we are plagued by questions. These flurries of inquisition range from the absolutely absurd to the sternly serious.
"What are you up to today?"
"Are you watching this?"
"Do you feel all right?"
"How did she get a guy like him?"
"Why do you keep making that weird noise?"
"Does this look infected?"
"Can you pass me that last slice of pepperoni?"
...ad infinitum
Though each question generally varies from its predecessor, I always find one word common to each reply that I give. Allow me to demonstrate.
"I'm definitely up for anything."
"If you change the channel, I will definitely kill you."
"Well, I'm definitely not feeling fantastic since you showed up."
"God definitely works in mysterious ways."
"If I'm annoying you, then I shall definitely continue doing it."
"You should definitely see a doctor."
"Definitely not; I've had my eye on that for a while."
"Definitely" is such an awesome word. It really helps to succinctly answer any questions that you may confront throughout the day. However, friendly internet people, allow me to explain its one fault. You see, "definitely" is also great as a response on message boards.
"Wasn't that the best episode of Arrested Development you've ever seen?"
"Yes, it definitely rocked."
Unfortunately, I usually have to cringe when I see it written out. It seems that people are stupid. Of course, that idiocy is just a generalization and does not apply to everyone, but it probably applies to you. Chances are, you are one of the many who cannot spell this word correctly, no matter how obvious that spelling may be. No, it is not "definately," "definetely," or any of your other wacky spellings. People, sound it out: def-in-ite-ly.
Yes, the English language can be tricky, what with its silent Ks and I-Before-Es, but when you misspell a word that can be written phonetically, that just equals sadness. I must point out that a person's inability to spell is not always reflective of his overall intelligence, but because I'm close-minded I will always correlate misspellings with stupidity. So, now is your chance to reform and become a better person. Holophonor believes in you, and that has to be worth something in this crazy world.
Oh, and don't even get me started on "your" versus "you're," or I'll be writing here all day, taking brief breaks to yank out my hair.
Fine, for being a good sport you can have ONE picture, but don't you come around here begging for more, you bum.
It's best to not ask...