So I picked up Mass Effect for the PC. I've now played in on both PC and the 360. I've had several thoughts on it so far. On the PC, the graphics can be noticeably better. This is not surprising. For controls, I feel like they did more damage than good. They somehow made the Mako more difficult to pilot - which I didn't think was possible. On the other hand, they made combat with the Mako much easier. The inclusion of a true zoom targeting feature means you really can lay down long distance fire. I also find the controls for the character more difficult. This may only be a problem with using a keyboard but there seems to be no way to configure the buttons so that one can easily get to the rush key. Also, it's easy to forget what to press for using health packs and grenades. They aren't often important enough to remember.
They advertised fixing load times by spreading them out over the gameplay. This has an annoying effect that when a scene isn't always entirely loaded, you can get some noticeable slowdown on frame rate during combat. I prefer longer load times. I kind of saw this coming though. People always complain about load times and really, there's nothing that can be done about this. The data has to load at some point or another.
Overall, I think they took a great game made for console and used poor judgement when moving it to PC. The result is still a great game - but still with many issues. I wonder if this is the first sign of EA's influence on Bioware. If so, I weep, because this fulfills the pattern. EA takes over a great company and pushes them into failure. I get the impression they're doing the same with Dragon Age - what with all the costly downloadable content at opening and the feelings of incompleteness it inspired in players. It's sad because Bioware has been one of the bastions of well-made western style rpgs. To me, it's as bad as when EA took over Origin.
not about GS. Facebook wants to charge me a dollar to send my friend a stupid emblem of a cake with candles in it. You heard me, they want to charge me real money for sending a friend an emblem, which I have on my own machine, an 8-bit emblem of a cake with candles on it! This is the absolute most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. I have my friend's email address. I have the stupid emblem on my own computer. I could simply email this to my friend. They think I am willing to pay for something that was available to me for free fifteen years ago. I gotta say, facebook is absolutely the stupidest website I have ever been associated with. I am also perfectly willing to drop it and am doing so now.
I've been wondering. You see, when I was young, well, very young, I used to think about what life would be like "one day". I spent my time waiting for that time. I would putz around because I knew I was waiting for something other than the current place. I would think about what would come.
Well, at almost twenty-nine, this doesn't seem to concern me anymore. However, I stop now and consider. I ask myself, "is this the life I had been waiting for?" I can't honestly say yes. The life I was waiting for was an imaginary one. It existed only as an idealization born out of long nights watching hero-flicks and not really understanding what would matter to me more as my life went on. So I can't honestly claim I am living the life that I envisioned.
On the other hand, at the time I had no idea what life had in store for me. I had ideas of playing a part in major projects from my home town of Houston, TX. At the time, I didn't realize there was little reason to stay in Houston. I couldn't see the very large world that Houston was placed in. When I left, my family had moved to New Orleans and I was in for an education.
Amongst the many things I learned was that I was an ass. I wasn't very kind to people and those that stuck with me seemed to all have an intense desire to bring punishment on themselves. While I would like to believe I have learned from the changes in my life, I often wonder if that basic desire to control my entire external world persisted, yet I just got better at it. Anyhow, today I am happy if my house feels like home.
Still yet, I wonder what I thought of my future life at the time. I can't honestly say I know. I believe that if by some magical power, I met myself from twelve years ago, I would not recognize the person there. That person had never ventured outside of his comfort zone. That person had never felt defeat. That person had only seen the very slim world in which he was incredibly successful.
The person who is writing this blog has felt real pain. The person writing this blog and found himself failing without any excuse. This person has also gone hungry (though not for poverty), has felt love tear him apart and has found someone with whom he can spend the rest of his life. The person writing this blog has brought his own father to tears and made up after that. To me, the existence I had before I left Houston is one of absolute privilege and comfort. Today, I can't imagine that life.
Today, I look at my hand and I see the myriad and intermixed lines born of years of use. I see myself in the mirror and I see someone who has been overweight and lost that weight. I see a weariness in the eyes but an excited glimmer too. I look down and I see feet filled with toes broken time and again. Veins show where bruises have been painfully bought. Twenty-nine is very young, yet I see what I hope has been embedded in my soul.
Since I came here to Germany, I have often felt as a child. I look out to a world I don't fully understand and I can't truly interact with. It is frustrating and humbling. Noting how we, as Americans, treat foreigners in our country, I am continuously amazed with how much patience I have seen from people with me here in Germany. There are, in fact, many Germans who feel ashamed when they hear of others who are not willing to deal with me when they learn I don't speak German. I would not expect the same for foreigners visiting the US.
It hurts because I know my job so well. I know very well I am not here to learn German. I've been brought here from the US to be imminently productive in my field. A post-doctoral position is intended as a mechanism to improve the efficiency of scientific research and people fulfilling such positions are expected to give their fullest to their field. While here, my job is to be the most impressive physicist I can possibly be. This does not include endearing myself to German culture.
While I desire to take courses in German, I know that I could not possibly give such courses the attention they deserve. I wonder what it is I have become. Perhaps this is a sign of old age and stubbornness. On the other hand, perhaps I am realizing just how much I am embedded into the rat race I walked into. What I do know is that everyday I am fighting for the life my wife and I one day want to have - and this seems entirely opposite of the idea that it is time I live the life I was always waiting for...
