The videos are on Cartoon Network Video and they were very promising. Time for some satirical comments.

Dressing Room: It looks like Nathan Keyes (Kevin) has no idea how to work a camera. I mean, come on, you worked in front of one pretending you were a super tough guy. Now at least pretend like you know how to operate one! And what did they do with Ryan Kelley's hair?! Unless that's his natural color, I would've been convinced otherwise.

Getting a Lift: How many people can fit into an elevator and still manage to not have an awkward moment? If you said one, you're way over. And there really is no point of having a camera in the elevator when security's already done it for you! What are they all excited about, anyway? A wave of fans that might possibly drown them in their own potential success?

Going to the Premiere: If that was supposed to be the girl playing Elena in the beginning, then that smile is going to be stuck in my head for a while. Also, why is the area you're walking through closed? Is it construction, defense against fans, or both, because...THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!! Anyway, what city are you in? I hope it's Online, because I could easily get there in a matter of seconds.

On the Green Carpet: Oh, you HAD to go with the alternative! Radioactive green is a terrible carpet color. And what's with all the...oh no. A little kid! So many things wrong with that. First, he knows how to work a camera better than Nathan. Second, he's wearing a shirt from the old series. Hey kid, that was 2007; get with the times. Third, since when is he allowed to hold the camera? You know how easily those things break when kids play with them! It's like giving a mule to a bad farmer!

Unicorn Theatre: I understand why they called it "Unicorn Theatre," but why go with a unicorn when you can use something more familiar to movie lovers? What's wrong with "Monkey Theatre?" Pause at 10 seconds...you'll see Humongosaur like never before! And...Ryan! Are you texting? And in the theatre, please! Some respect would be nice, thank you. Ooh, a hint. A city with double decker buses; what is...London? Wait, London?! They filmed it in London?! Do they love Ben 10 more than Legos now? What happened?

Game Time: Clearly you're all excited...but don't threaten the camera please! It's delicate. And high heels? Really? How are you supposed to ride a motorcycle in high heels? Not much else to say.

Westminster Abbey: OK, now I'm mad. You chose England over the U.S.? Why are you airing this on the American Cartoon Network website? And, of course, it's raining in the UK. It always rains over there. Why do you think the Beatles made "Good Day Sunshine"? And Ryan has a Ben 10 phone? I WANT ONE!!! Oh, nevermind, it's just a phone with the movie's skin on it. Is that a flip? I love those; they're so convenient! OK, I'm done.

Also, in case you didn't know, the girl playing Gwen's name is Galadriel. But that was a Lord of the Rings princess! Did her parents love his books that much? You never see anyone named Atticus; why should there be a Galadriel?

P.S. I have nothing against the show, but I'm practicing to replace Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert.

This time, I REALLY need supporters. I need everyone to sign this letter that I will send to Google and Cartoon Network so they can do something about it.

Dear Whomever this may concern,

If you are not already aware, there is a multitude of cartoon-based porn on the internet. By cartoon-based, I am refering to the use of popular cartoons as porn. Please, by all means, get it off the internet. If this is left unnoticed, parents could get angry for letting these things go on the internet where our kids can see them. To prevent such an event, please take action.

Now some of you may say "Gdan95, if you just ignore it, it will go away." But doesn't the thought of your favorite cartoons "getting it on" seem awkward for the child-friendly programs we see all the time? Shouldn't something be done about that? I urge you to please comment. This has to be settled now!

Me: You OK?

Gwen looks depressed

Gwen: after a long pause No.

Me: I figured.

Segue

Me: If it makes you feel better, I gave Kevin some mouthwash.

Gwen: angry If you say that name one more time...

Me: That name one more time.

Gwen glares at me

Me: What? I can't say that either?

Segue

Me: Why didn't you tell him? You could've saved yourself some "slack."

Gwen: I didn't want him rushing me.

Me: Understandable. I'll be right back.

Segue

Me: You were kind of harsh.

Kevin: somber Don't remind me.

Me: She didn't tell you because she felt you would've rushed her.

Kevin: Does she think I'm in a hurry?

Me: No, but she has enough to worry about besides your anger.

Kevin glares at me

Me: Let's think for a second: who had nothing to do with the fact that you look like this?

Kevin: Gwen?

Me: And who did?

Kevin: Ben.

Me: Exactly.

Kevin looks down

Me: What?

Kevin: Man, I feel stupid.

Me: That's called "guilt." Unfortunately, that won't be enough to convince her.

Kevin: What makes you say that?

Me: Well, the logic you used against her was given to you by someone trying to get revenge on her. So, using that logic, you made her feel worse than she already was. And your chance of keeping the relationship together: very slim.

Kevin: Man, I wanna hit something right now.

Me: Your chair?

Kevin takes chair, throws it against the wall

Me: shocked That worked.

Segue

Me: He's been kind of angry with himself.

Gwen: sarcastically Well, there's a first for everything.

Me: Come on, Gwen. My dad does stuff like this all the time. I know he's a jerk, but he doesn't mean any harm. I mean, judging him by what he says doesn't make him a jerk. He's just sour because Ben messed him up.

Gwen: It was his idea.

Me: So we can agree those were both stupid things to do.

Gwen: I guess.

Segue

Gwen: Do you think I worry too much?

Me: I worry all the time. I worry about my grades, about my future, even about my dog. It's not something you should be ashamed of.

nothing

Me: You want to hit something, don't you?

Gwen: What?

Me: "Jerk-face" threw his chair against the wall. I told him that would make him feel better.

Gwen: Now that you mention it, I do.

Me: Just talk to him. Don't try to sympathize, just listen. He'll return the favor.

Gwen: If you say so.

To be continued...