And its these terrors, its kind of like, it feels like if somebody was gripping my, these terrors, its kind of like, it feels like as if somebody was gripping my throat, there not really tremors, they're worse then tremors they're, they're these terrors, like last night, um they're not like tremors, they're worse than tremors, they're, they're these terrors, kind of like, feels like if somebody was gripping my throat and squeezing.
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Right now is about in the darkest days for me, at home, when all hope seemed to be lost, I have terrible trouble sleeping. Every single night I feel as if someone or something is gripping my throat, squeezing away until my lungs are empty. That freaks me out. I would convulse. My heart was literally stopping. It's horrifying. These aren't simply "Night Tremors" but in fact "Night Terrors". Sometimes I see flames. And sometimes I see people that I love dying and...it's always played out in my head until it gets drowned out. I feel like dark spirits in the house are trying to stop me from sleeping AND waking waking up. But....I can't...I can't ever wake up.
I sit in my room thinking, "I'm not going to make it through this," After one month and enduring a series of hyperventilating attacks and nervous breakdowns. I stopped showering and changing my clothes, choosing instead to pace my room. I'm averaging less than three hours of sleep a night and my dreams are full-on night terrors, filled with images of flames and things burning. I describe these dreams to you to try to gain some kind of insight.
But the real breaking point came one night when the radio played "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance. The one song of sonic beacon and optimism from their latest album that helped me realize that I have to face my fears. I shouldn't hide this from you, me, and everyone we know anymore. I will go back to sleep and face the demons in my head.
We Are All Just A Black Parade
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rebelu2