It has been 12 days since my last blog... and it feels like a month. Time is flying too fast, and it doesn't help that if flies the fastest when I spend time with my girlfriend. I have felt like writing a new blog over the past couple days but really just haven't got around to it.

~ Reading ~

I finally finished a book. Cover to cover. I am quite proud of myself. Its been a long time since I've read something from beginning to end. The last book I read completely was The Gargoyle... which according to my blogs was last August. >_> I think I've become rehabilitated after being scared away from reading by all my Buddhism readings in university in early 2008. It was just too much, reading 300-400 pages a week for 3 months.

The book was Eknath Easwaran's translation of The Upanishads. The principal texts of the Hindu Vedanta tradition and partially the inspiration of Gandhi's personal philosophy (along with the Bhagavad Gita). The book includes all of Shankara's "Principal Upanishads," which are the ones that "sum up" the major points of the philosophy. It was incredibly interesting and quite intellectually stimulating.

The funny thing is, I actually was able to take something from them, more than just a read. Now, my interpretation seems to be a little different than the "accepted" ones, but the texts are written to allow interpretation. I was actually going to write a blog titled "I have found God" with the subtitle "But am still an atheist." The concept of Brahman that I pulled from the Upanishads actually makes sense to me.

How I interpret it is that Brahman is not a "God," not a supernatural theistic being with a consciousness or anything beyond the physical universe. It is merely an aspect of the universe that interconnects everything. It isn't a ruler of a supernatural realm that you go to after you die. It is merely a "connective tissue" of sorts that makes everything that exists "the same." Like how everything is derived from hydrogen, fused at various complexities.

There is no spirituality, there is no transcendental "truth." Brahman is the universe. Brahman in its purest form was the original "constituent" that existed before the big bang. However, I'm still not entirely sold on the whole idea. I still have to re-read the Principal Upanishads, some commentaries as well as other Ups. that cover other ideas. Out of all the "religious" texts I've read and all the "religions" I've read about, Vedanta makes the most sense to me... and it really doesn't strike me as a "religion."

Of course, this idea probably appears to be very much like pantheism, and one could argue that Advaita Vedanta implies some kind of spiritual/soul ideals... but my interpretation of the texts, and the ideas contained within just make sense to me in the way that they do. We are all Brahman, and return to Brahman when we die. There is no "reincarnation" in the sense that our "self" (atman) continues to "live" on after we die and we get "reborn" in a new physical body based on our karma. We just die and return to the universe (of course, the elements that once made up our bodies, could one day find themselves in the body of another).

I've always been for the idea of pantheism and that the "universe is God" but hate the use of the term "God" applied to a naturalistic idea. That implies a theistic belief... and I know I am an atheist. I do NOT believe in anything supernatural... because the supernatural cannot exist, since it contains everything that exists outside of the physical universe. Again, one could argue that what I am getting at here is just a "poor man's atheism" and a "waste of time," but I admit to being an atheist and don't believe there is anything beyond the universe or anything spiritual. I just find the concept of the universe itself being a "whole" thing that is completely interconnected (much like the Force from Star Wars) and has a direct effect on everything else (i.e. gravity's effect on everything at various levels) without anything being wholly independent.

The whole point of the Upanishads is to present this concept of Brahman and how you must realize the "Self" in everyone is Brahman and that the universe is not different and independent but "the same." The realization of this is moksha. Its hard to explain... and don't expect anyone to get it... but that's how I get it.

As a related note, I noticed how many of the ideas are very similar to Buddhism (I also believe that the Dhammapada, the principal text of Buddhism is inspired by the Upanishads), which is probably why I was able get so deeply into Buddhism, but then never was able to get over the issues with Arhatship, celibacy, monk-hood and physical renunciation. The Upanishads are part of the Vedas, which don't dissuade anyone from living a "normal" life with a family, children and sexual pleasure. With that said, I wouldn't consider myself a Hindu, because Hinduism is a monotheistic religion (all the "gods" are parts/avatars of the whole Godhead) and includes many spiritual ideas including karma and reincarnation which I just do not accept and never did... even when I considered myself a "Buddhist."

Anyways, I'm still not entirely sold and wish to spend more time figuring things out. But I am still a naturalistic atheist... but just think that the universe (very much like the Gaea theory says the Earth is a single living organism) is a single "thing" that contains no independent part that doesn't in some way interact with every other part.

As for what's next on the reading list... I've started reading William Napier's "Attila." A fictional recounting of Attila the Hun's life. Its pretty slow to start but it keeps my interest. Though, my copy of the Mahabharata that I ordered over a month ago is arriving in about a week, so I want to read Easwaran's translation of the Bhagavad Gita before I get it, so I can compare them.

~ Gaming ~

Not having as much time to game anymore (since spending time with my girlfriend is much, much more enjoyable) I haven't been able to play as many games. But after playing a little Banjo Kazooie, I really became interested in Nuts & Bolts. So I've been playing it basically every day since I wrote my last blog. Its an amazing game, one of the best of the generation. The combination of racing and platforming is genius. And the building of vehicles is just amazing.

It took me about 30 hours to finish the game (yes, I finished it) and "completed" it. I got all the singleplayer achievements and all 131 jiggies and 97 T.T. Trophies. Its amazing... basically the first game I've played this generation that I was compelled to finish and complete. And all it cost me was $10 (or $20 if Viva Pinata: TIP is "free"). The humour was absolutely fantastic. The shots at all the events of the generation (massive damage, "here are your old moves back in case this game isn't successful," etc.) was just gold. Unlike what other people think, Rare has not lost "it."

I still have to let it soak into the rest of the games I've played this generation, but as of right now, its one of the best. Among the top tier with Dead Rising, Mirror's Edge, Mass Effect and all the others I mentioned in my 2008 GOTY blog.

~ Job ~

I'm now unemployed (as of the end of May)... and it is an amazing feeling. Though, I miss the constant income and my savings are dwindling (I do still have a lot of money to carry me well into the fall) but enjoy the break from being obligated to work. I'll get a job eventually but just need to take a "break," mostly because I can.

~ Girlfriend ~

Love is not what I imagined it to be. I was expecting it to be this life-changing, transcendental feeling that inspires religious conversion... but really, it is just an amazing feeling that makes me feel more "complete" as a person. All my past experiences with "love" have been unrequited and non-reciprocated. I've never been able to experience what its like to be loved.

Come July 1st, it will be our three month anniversary. It feels like its been a couple weeks. Time has just been flying by. I feel like I've known her my entire life. We are "perfect" for each other (not literally perfect, but we are amazingly compatible and are so very agreeable). eHarmony works... and ironically, we act very much like those people in the commercials. Its pretty funny actually, since I always scorned those sites.

~~~

Anyways, that's the blog for now. My summer has been amazing and flying by like nobody's business. I do hope everything keeps moving along nicely, and hope that everyone who reads this has a great summer as well. Cheers.