The following was taken from a thread created by karriston, a member of Gamespot for nearly two years. I thought this was too good to pass up.

karriston

So, Microsoft have said they're going to introduce requirements for ranked matches in all 360 games. Here's a breakdown of the article:

1: Labotomy.

The first requirement entails removing part of your brain. The procedure for this is quite painless, and afterwards, you may find you're more relaxed. Some side effects include: singing into your mic, using the word "n00b", team killing and becoming an anyoing 12 year old.

Don't worry, if you can't afford the operation, you can knock yourself over the head a few times, or if you have a low IQ (preferably below 50) that's fine too.

2: Lag / latency

The second requirement refers to the quality of the host's connection. You MUST be laggy to play ranked matchs, there's no way around this one. If you have a GOOD connection however, there are ways to make your game laggy, and therefore annoy other players: Turn on your PC and run Limewire, Morpheus, Bearshare etc. This ensures that your connection will be the worst possible. If for some reason you can't access these programs, downloading the entire internet while playing Xbox Live will do fine.

3: Be between the ages of 12-15 years old or 20-30 years old, and be as annoying as possible

That's right, if you're not 12, 13, 14, 15, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29 or 30 then you can't play ranked matches. However, there's more to it than that.

If you're 12, 13, 14 or 15 then you must have a squeaky voice, sing into your mic, think saying "I like pie!!!" is funny, use the word "n00b" and think Runescape is cool.

If you're between the ages of 20-30, then you must be patronising, sing into your mic (as you can see, singing into your mic is pretty much needed to play ranked matches), call everyone under 20 "Annoying 14 year olds" and, this is vital, you must have a conversation on the phone while your mic is turned on so everyone can hear it.

If you're not any of these ages, don't fret! All you have to do is breath in some helium every now and then, and throw the word "n00b" into every sentance or two.

4: Racism

Microsoft has taken a controversial move by making this a requirement. Let's delve deeper, shall we?

You MUST harass people who don't speak english. Xbox Live is ONLY for people who speak english, and you must make it your duty to rid XBL of those who don't.

If you're American, it's extremely important to throw an insult or two into every sentance directed towards the British. These include jokes about teeth, jokes about them talking funny, jokes about tea and crumpets etc.

If you're British, you MUST make fun of Americans. This can range from calling them obese Bible Bashing idiots to calling them stoned and spoiled.

If you find out that someone is not from either Britain or America, then both Americans and British must team up to frustrate and insult that person.

5: Reputation

If, for some reason, somebody has the nerve to kill you during a ranked match, then you are required to leave them bad rep. If they don't have a mic or haven't spoken for the whole match, then you should leave some bad rep to do with communications, such as trash talking.

6: Quitting

If you don't like losing, then Microsoft has a solution for you: quit! That's right, from now on, you must quit if you're losing. This is to make sure that your team will lose the match.

7: Headset issues

From now on you have to do one of the following into your mic: Breathe, moan, cough or sneeze. You must also make sure your mic echoes.

That about wraps it up. I'll try looking for a link to the article. Meanwhile, post your thoughts on what other requirements for ranked matches you think must be introduced.