Late Last Night...
I was walking home from a late night out with some friends, when suddenly...

Kaboomy!!!

A big fat, ugly squirrel, popped out of the ground right in front of me. Then, in a low, hissy tone, it said:

Heh heh heh

I am an evil talking squirrel

I must consume you

I know kung fu

Heh heh heh

Poopy

And he kept saying it over and over and he wouldn't stop.

So finally I slowly tried to creep away

but he noticed and foiled my plans with a high kick in the face

Man, he does know kung fu.

The next day I was in a hospital bed with a broken nose and a twisted jaw.

Surprised, I swore I would get my revenge on the stupid f---in' talking squirrel.

So the next day when I got out of the hospital

I grabbed my baseball bat and went out to search for the talking squirrel.

I found it soon, but before I could land a blow, he kicked me in the ass and started throwing acorns

at my unconscious body.

I woke up one week later in a hospital ( since I was in a coma from the squirrel ), where I was so ticked off . I blew my head off. After another painful day in the hospital, I returned for the final push. If I couldn't do it this time, I would commit suicide. But I didn't intend on dying early, so I equipped myself with a shotgun, flamethrower, assault rifle, 3 sticks of dynamite, 2 frag grenades, and grenade launcher with 8 rpg's, my 12 inch hunters knife, a fencing sword, some mace, and a tube of tooth paste.

Well, some how the squirrel knew that I would beat the acorns out of him, since he never appeared. And I never saw him since.