follow them wisely and get what you want 
1: Kiss ass your parents and tell them you love them very much.
2: apologize to your friends for every offensive you've done to them
3: Nut kick some Chav people if your in England
4: Get your friends some gifts and you don't want anything back (you will prolly anyways)
5: If none of these works. Here's the ultimate, buy a sniper rifle and snipe the fat b*****d down and take every gift he has and castrate rudolf for food.
there ya go! follow those 5 simple tips and you'll be fine!