I am an ambidextrous left-hander with a strong sense of righteousness. I was born in a log cabin I built myself entirely from memory, using materials that were readily available to any wealthy post-modern industrialist. I like long walks on the beach, quiet picnics in a shady park, and savagely plucking the heads off of little baby duckies and chickies at my grandparents poultry farm. I like reading romantic poetry out loud to myself in the privacy of a darkened closet. I have three testicles, but one of them is temporarily missing. Some people tell me I'm masochistic, but I never permit myself the pleasure of being hurt by others.