Crappy acting... checked. Awful story... checked. Lots of like GORE and BOOBS... checked. Has nothing to do with the original... checked.

Oh yes, almost forgot: vampires! Ok, checked.

If you haven't guessed it already, this is probably the design document of Bloodrayne, Uwe Boll's latest comedy.

The movie starts as some circus folk torture Rayne in public, because she's a "freak" and regenerates. Yeah, right. By watching the movie for 15 minutes longer you'll soon understand that every third person in the movie is a vampire, and the Brimstone Society consists of several hundreds of people. So... well, I guess circus people are just extremely stupid, right? They don't know that if she regenerates, she's vampire?

Yes, that explains why Rayne, even though she should fear the Sun, and even takes cover from it from time to time, can walk in broad daylight! And why another vampire, who obviously has no reason not to fear sunlight, either, can do the same thing! And why the Ultimate Bad Dude Kagan sounds so bored for half of the movie! Clowns like Mr. Boll are stupid, too.

Now, concerning the actors. Look at this picture:

You could title it "Bored" or "Give me my freaking money already".

Argh, even the story was awful. I looks like Uwe Boll doesn't understand what the word "parody" means. Because the Bloodrayne games were just that, and very good at it, too. The movie tries to bring some drama into the plot. Need I say the result is funny, but, this time, unintentionally?

At least I had a good laugh. Can't wait to see how bad the Bloodrayne western will be