Hey guys. So I am doing a lot better than I was last time I was on here freaking out. Still not really happy but I am choosing to smile and take the good and focus on it. I mostly just wanted to this quiz. But here's a quick update. Kaia and I are no longer friends. We will never be friends again. I had a really good night last night. Midterms start this week. I go home on Friday. My weight is still out of control. Like bad this week. But whatever. Sorta. I just trying my damnest to be happy.

So I am going to do this for all of my shows I love.

ONE TREE HILL

Favorite character: Brooke Davis
Least favorite character: Deb Scott
Character with the best hair: Brooke Davis
Character with the best eyes: Nathan Scott
Character with the best smile: Haley James-Scott
Character I'd most want to kiss: Jake Jagielski
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Nathan Scott
Character I'd make lunch for: Jamie Scott
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Haley James-Scott
Character I'd go shopping with: Brooke Davis
Character I'd go dancing with: Brooke Davis
Character I'd take over the world with: Brooke Davis - just because she's going to change the world someday and she doesn't even know it.
Character I most want to see more of: Jake Jagielski
Favorite pairing: Brooke Davis/Lucas Scott
Least Favorite pairing: Karen Roe/Keith Scott

BEVERLY HILLS, 90210

Favorite character: Brenda Walsh
Least favorite character: Andrea Zuckerman
Character with the best hair: Kelly Taylor
Character with the best eyes: David Silver
Character with the best smile: Kelly Taylor
Character I'd most want to kiss: David Silver
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Dylan McKay
Character I'd make lunch for: Dylan McKay
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: David Silver
Character I'd go shopping with: Donna Martin
Character I'd go dancing with: David Silver
Character I'd take over the world with: Brandon Walsh
Character I most want to see more of: Brenda Walsh
Favorite pairing: Brenda Walsh/Dylan McKay
Least Favorite pairing: David Silver/Valerie Malone

GLEE

Favorite character: Kurt Hummel
Least favorite character: Terri Schuester
Character with the best hair: Rachel Berry
Character with the best eyes: Noah Puckerman
Character with the best smile: Kurt Hummel
Character I'd most want to kiss: Artie Abrams
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Noah Puckerman
Character I'd make lunch for: Quinn Fabray
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Rachel Berry
Character I'd go shopping with: Kurt Hummel
Character I'd go dancing with: Kurt Hummel
Character I'd take over the world with: Rachel Berry
Character I most want to see more of: Artie Abrams
Favorite pairing: Quinn Fabray/Noah Puckerman
Least Favorite pairing: Will Shuester/Emma Pilsbury

GILMORE GIRLS

Favorite character: Rory Gilmore
Least favorite character: Christoper Hayden
Character with the best hair: Lorelai Gilmore
Character with the best eyes: Jess Mariano
Character with the best smile: Lorelai Gilmore
Character I'd most want to kiss: Dave Rygalski
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Jess Mariano
Character I'd make lunch for: Luke Danes
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Lane Kim
Character I'd go shopping with: Rory Gilmore
Character I'd go dancing with: Lorelai Gilmore
Character I'd take over the world with: Paris Geller
Character I most want to see more of: Paris Geller
Favorite pairing: Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano
Least Favorite pairing: Rory Gilmore/Dean Forester (Season 4/5)

DAWSON'S CREEK

Favorite character: Pacey Witter
Least favorite character: Dawson Leery
Character with the best hair: Jen Lindley
Character with the best eyes: Joey Potter
Character with the best smile: Pacey Witter
Character I'd most want to kiss: Jack McPhee
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Pacey Witter
Character I'd make lunch for: Andie McPhee
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Evelyn Ryan (Grams)
Character I'd go shopping with: Jen Lindley
Character I'd go dancing with: Jen Lindley
Character I'd take over the world with: Joey Potter
Character I most want to see more of: Jack McPhee
Favorite pairing: Joey Potter/Pacey Witter
Least Favorite pairing: Dawson Leery/Joey Potter

THE O.C.

Favorite character: Seth Cohen
Least favorite character: Johnny Harper
Character with the best hair: Summer Roberts
Character with the best eyes: Summer Roberts
Character with the best smile: Ryan Atwood
Character I'd most want to kiss: Seth Cohen
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Ryan Atwood
Character I'd make lunch for: Jimmy Cooper
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Sandy Cohen
Character I'd go shopping with: Summer Roberts
Character I'd go dancing with: Sandy Cohen
Character I'd take over the world with: Ryan Atwood
Character I most want to see more of: Luke Ward
Favorite pairing: Ryan Atwood/Marissa Cooper
Least Favorite pairing: Ryan Atwood/Taylor Townsend

JOAN OF ARCADIA

Favorite character: Adam Rove
Least favorite character: Judith Montgomery
Character with the best hair: Joan Girardi
Character with the best eyes: Adam Rove
Character with the best smile: Kevin Girardi
Character I'd most want to kiss: Adam Rove
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Kevin Girardi
Character I'd make lunch for: Grace Polk
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Joan Girardi
Character I'd go shopping with: Joan Girardi
Character I'd go dancing with: Joan Girardi
Character I'd take over the world with: Grace Polk
Character I most want to see more of: Kevin Girardi
Favorite pairing: Joan Girardi/Adam Rove
Least Favorite pairing: Luke Girardi/Glynis Figliola

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

Favorite character: Damon Salvatore
Least favorite character: Jenna Sommers
Character with the best hair: Bonnie Bennett
Character with the best eyes: Damon Salvatore
Character with the best smile: Jeremy Gilbert
Character I'd most want to kiss: Stefan Salvatore
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Damon Salvatore
Character I'd make lunch for: Jeremy Gilbert
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Elena Gilbert
Character I'd go shopping with: Bonnie Bennett
Character I'd go dancing with: Damon Salvatore
Character I'd take over the world with: Damon Salvatore
Character I most want to see more of: Jeremy Gilbert
Favorite pairing: Damon Salvatore/Elena Gilbert/Stefan Salvatore
Least Favorite pairing: Elena Gilbert/Matt Donovan

FRIENDS

Favorite character: Chandler Bing
Least favorite character: Ross Geller
Character with the best hair: Rachel Green
Character with the best eyes: Monica Geller
Character with the best smile: Phoebe Buffay
Character I'd most want to kiss: Chandler Bing
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Joey Tribbiani
Character I'd make lunch for: Chandler Bing
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Phoebe Buffay
Character I'd go shopping with: Rachel Green
Character I'd go dancing with: Monica Geller
Character I'd take over the world with: Monica Geller
Character I most want to see more of: Phoebe Buffay
Favorite pairing: Monica Geller/Chandler Bing
Least Favorite pairing:Ross Geller/Emily Waltham

GREY'S ANATOMY

Favorite character: Cristina Yang
Least favorite character: Isobel Stevens
Character with the best hair: Isobel Stevens
Character with the best eyes: Derek Shepard
Character with the best smile: Mark Sloan
Character I'd most want to kiss: Alex Karev
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Mark Sloan
Character I'd make lunch for: Callie Torres
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Lexie Grey
Character I'd go shopping with: Callie Torres
Character I'd go dancing with: Callie Torres
Character I'd take over the world with: Cristina Yang
Character I most want to see more of: Miranda Bailey
Favorite pairing: Isobel Stevens/Alex Karev
Least Favorite pairing: Denny Duquette

GOSSIP GIRL

Favorite character: Chuck Bass
Least favorite character: Serena Van der Woodsen
Character with the best hair: Serena Van der Woodsen
Character with the best eyes: Nathaniel Archibald
Character with the best smile: Nathaniel Archibald
Character I'd most want to kiss: Dan Humphrey
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Chuck Bass
Character I'd make lunch for: Eric Van der Woodsen
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Rufus Humphrey
Character I'd go shopping with: Serena Van der Woodsen
Character I'd go dancing with: Blair Waldorf
Character I'd take over the world with: Chuck Bass
Character I most want to see more of: Chuck Bass
Favorite pairing: Blair Waldorf/Chuck Bass
Least Favorite pairing: Carter Baizen/Blair Waldorf

EVERWOOD

Favorite character: Ephram Brown
Least favorite character: Nina Feeney
Character with the best hair: Amy Abbott
Character with the best eyes: Bright Abbott
Character with the best smile: Bright Abbott
Character I'd most want to kiss: Ephram Brown
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Bright Abbott
Character I'd make lunch for: Andy Brown
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Hannah Rogers
Character I'd go shopping with: Amy Abbott
Character I'd go dancing with: Harold Abbott
Character I'd take over the world with: Harold Abbott
Character I most want to see more of: Bright Abbott
Favorite pairing: Amy Abbott/Ephram Brown
Least Favorite pairing: Andy Brown/Nina Feeney

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

Favorite character: Tim Riggins
Least favorite character: J.D. McCoy
Character with the best hair: Tim Riggins
Character with the best eyes: Matt Saracen
Character with the best smile: Brian 'Smash' Williams
Character I'd most want to kiss: Matt Saracen
Character I'd most likely have sex with: Tim Riggins
Character I'd make lunch for: Landry Clarke
Character I'd go singing in the rain with: Landry Clarke
Character I'd go shopping with: Lyla Garrity
Character I'd go dancing with: Tyra Collette
Character I'd take over the world with: Tami Taylor
Character I most want to see more of: Julie Taylor
Favorite pairing: Matt Saracen/Julie Taylor
Least Favorite pairing: Tyra Collette/Tim Riggins

Do you all think I watch enough tv?

Blogtitle reasoning. None except I'm currently looking at a completely gorgeous picture of her.

So guys. I know no one is really around anymore and this blog is completely pointless but I felt the need to blog where someone might read it. Other than the couple people who know my other blog. The blog who gets every single one of my daily (hourly) meltdowns. It's currently 1:30 in the morning and I just don't care. I can't sleep. I'm so unhappy right now. I don't even know what is wrong with me anymore. Of course there is the weight thing that I just can't seem to get under control and it's such an issue with me right now (always) and the friends thing. I feel so alone all the time. This is how I felt this time last year and I concentrated on my weight and I ended up feeling better because of that. Maybe I should do that again. But I don't have my work girls to help keep me grounded anymore. All I have is Katie and her drunken ways. Honestly, if I didn't have to worry about calories, I would probably take up drinking. I have never not drank because I was against it. It has always been a control thing, which I am trying to get over. I don't even know anymore. In a lot of ways I just wish I was at home and I could get lost in my old life again. But then again, that life doesn't exist anymore. I hate that I am this mess. I hate the fact that I am up this hour just so lost. I am lost.

I hate my tendencies to go towards this "depression" that I just can't fight anymore. I am so sick of having to fight ever god darn minute of my life to get lost in this world. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone. I just need to escape. Never in my life have I been enticed by the world of drugs and alcohol. I've never had anything against them. But for the first time in my life I'm starting to see why people use. I want to deny my reality for awhile. You know. I am just so effed up. People don't get that. Because when I am around people this part of me disappears. It's the antidote for this feeling is being around people. I escape it. But it's not the solution. I always have these thoughts in my head but when I'm around people I am so practiced at putting on my mask and pretending the girl inside of me doesn't exist. I don't know what I need. I thought I had fixed this. I thought I was past all of this. I thought this was over. I didn't think this girl who was so self-loathing was going to come back. I thought I had beat this. And here I am.

I know I sound so stupid and repeatitive when it comes to this weight thing. But it is such an issue for me. I don't know why I link it so closely with my happiness but I do. I feel so fat that I can't even function normally. But I have all these feelings that make me not care at the same time. So I eat stupid things. And binge and don't go to the gym. But then I don't eat for days. But I can't lose weight. Because I am unhealthy and it just won't go away. I want to be thin. I need to be thin. Crazy mess I tell you.

All of this comes on the heels of a night where I actually felt like myself for two seconds. On Saturday we went out for D's birthday and I felt good the entire night. There was very few moments where I did feel bad about myself or let these thoughts take control. It was a good night. Katie was a hot mess as usual, rubbing up on anything and everything. There was a girl (and by girl I mean Katie's other cousin) glaring at me all night. Or what part of the night she was there. The glare. The result of her being insecure that her boyfriend liked me first. Like that is not my problem. So no need to gossip to everyone you're with about it. But it didn't bother me too much. I am used to girls being like that. I spent some time with Miranda just dancing like fools. Which is a sure hint that I am feeling good. But the very self-conscious version of me does not pull out those moves.

I spent time talking with the C-Boys (a group of boys from a town starting with a C). Which I don't normally play back with them. Like I am not my snippy self around them normally but I was on Saturday. I typically feel awkward around them because there have been times where Katie has told them not to talk to me. Because you know, god forbid she's not the center of attention. Like uh. Alex is always going to like you more because you've screwed him while I never will. Don't worry about it. Then there was these two guys there who we met in October and have hung out with a few times since because the one is obsessed with Katie. They're older than us. 24ish I think. But whatever. But the thing is that Katie likes the other one. Their names are Dave and Adam since I feel like telling the whole story, might as well get there names out there.

Whole story. So when we met them there was three of them. Adam, Dave and Kurtis. Kurtis wasn't with them last night. But whatever. Dave was immediately drawn to Katie like everyone is. And he's been wrapped around her finger since. Most they have done is kiss. But Katie is all about Adam even though she totally knows he's off-limits and he won't go there. And before the night started last night we were still under the impression that he was dating someone. Which he's apparently not anymore. He's a good friend though and is loyal to Dave. But that doesn't stop her from throwing herself at him. Even though he spent most of the night talking to me about it. Which is what always happens. He stays with me while Dave tries his hardest. At one point Katie drug me to the bathroom last night to whine about how much she wanted him and how he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. She was about 9 drinks and some odd shots in at this point. And I said the same thing as I always do. No, you can't do that. He's not going to go there. Which makes her want him more.

Thank god she was drunk because she would have been mad at me the next morning because Adam was kind of in my business that night. Not like in a "I want you" way. But just let's have some fun. Which was attempting to convince me to dance. (Unsuccessful) But she would have had a fit. Like on New Years when Alex was sitting on a pool table with him arm on my waist talking about my tights. It was the end of the world. So the fact that guy she likes was talking to me most of the night would have been the end of the world and she would have inserted herself and made me feel worthless. But she was so trashed, she never even noticed.

Her drinking is kind of out of control right now. I don't know how to tell her to slow down. Because I am just boring old Lo. The girl who doesn't know how to have fun. It's complicated. But I feel like I have to say something. One of these days I'll try.

The slow version of Everytime We Touch by Cascada just came on my iPod. I hate that this song still makes me think of you and still makes me sad.

I'm too chicken to this quiz on facebook, so here tv.com friends, you get to see more of my honesty I'm too scared to share with my physical world.

Do you have the guts take this survey?
Explained above.
Would you do meth if it was legalized?
No. I think. It would never be legalized, it's freakin' insane.
Abortion: for or against it?
Against. Personally. But I accept that abortion will take place and that there should be a safe outlet for women to have them done. I just wish they were used less often. Or not all. But that's idealistic, naive world.
Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
Not at all.
Do you believe in the death penalty?
No. It's kind of a cop out. First of all, I believe no one needs to die. Second of all, it's a far more of a punishment to suffer in prison for years than it is to not exist anymore.
Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
No. People already use it enough and it doesn't get you in any trouble as is. So why does it need to be legalized, so everyone would use it? No thanks.
Are you for or against premarital sex?
Go freakin' crazy kids. Sex is not about marriage. I don't even think it needs to be about love. There is being too young to be having sex. But waiting til marriage. C'mon. If you choose to believe in that, I definitely respect that. But personally, waiting for marriage is an outdated concept to me.
Do you believe in God?
No. And you all know that.
Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
YES! Oh my god. Close-mindness makes me so angry. Love is love. Simple as that. No one is asking you to marry someone of the same sex, people just want to be able to marry the person they love. Who cares about gender.
Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the country?
I'm Canadian so I have no real concept of this.
A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?
If she has the support to keep it and she wants to, she should. If she doesn't have a way of supporting it or doesn't feel as if she would be able to do a good job, there are amazing adoption options that give babies to families that so desperately want a child.
Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
I'm Albertan, it is eighteen. I think it's a good age. Honestly. If you're old enough to be trusted to vote and go to war you should be able to drink. The age being higher only increases illegal drinking. People are going to drink no matter what.
Should the war in Iraq be called off?
Yes.
Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
Yes.
Do you believe in spanking children?
No. I wasn't really spanked and I grew up fine. That's how I judge things. Like I know a lot of it's my personality. But I was raised in a home where I was treated as adult and was respected.
Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Canadian. But you know what. I would.
Who do you think would be a better president: McCain or Obama?
In all honesty, neither. McCain was too old and too conservative. And I think that Obama made too many promises and was too naive during his campaign. He can't do what he wants. I wish he could. I really do. But it has been a slower digression to that. So Obama is my pick between them obviously. But I think that Obama isn't going to be to fullfill the hopes and dreams of people and it might lead to a negative backlash.
Do you think Obama will be killed?
No. For two reasons. Why are we killing Obama? What has ever done? And no one deserves to die.
Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves ?
I try to believe in rehabilation but I don't know. Maybe. But at the same time I think people deserve to live their lives. But kids should be safe. It's difficult.
Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
You guys won't. That's why I love you all.

Title. In reference of my mad raving that has been going on lately about Nick Jonas. You guys all will hate me if I start in on that. So I am controlling myself. Sort of. So if you all don't know by now I love Nick Jonas. Yes, that curly haired 17 year old from the Jonas Brothers. Judge me all you'd like. I love him. Anyways, he kicked off his solo tour last week. And I'm that much more in love with him. Which should be impossible. But it's the truth.

So I haven't blogged in 800 years. Aka more than a month, less than two. Closer to a month that anything. Things have gone down in that month. Kat got a boyfriend. (They broke up today) She pulled the whole I am going to change for a guy thing. And now it's the END of the world that they broke up. I wasn't talking to Kaia much. We are good now. Henry and I are back to being us. Which is nice. My father kicked me out of his place in the city so now I am living in rez at school. I just finally met my roommate today. It's kind of awkward and I feel really weird about myself right now. We are nothing alike. So I don't know. It won't be an issue but I just don't like it that much. Hopefully I'll get more comfortable. It's weird though. Katie makes me angry 90% of the time lately. She's always drunk and she's totally using me. And when we go out she spends so much time telling people to not talk to me that it makes me so mad. Like eff off. And I gained a crap load of weight. So I am actually generally unhappy right now. Anyways, I'm off.

Hope everything is good in everyone's worlds.