WARNING!!! All references in the following blog post are entirely fictional. I dont have the energy to be recalling actual events or names...

Despite frequent visits to the alcohol rehabilitation clinic, I have still been able to play and enjoy some of the games that have been released for this winterval. Fall Out 3, Far Cry 2 and Left For Dead have all been played and enjoyed, and I was wondering where next to satisfy my craving for gaming.

I was recommended an oldy but goody by a good friend of mine, "Stealthoos" (name has been changed for legal reasons). Final Zone III: Back Orifice was released in late 2002, again for the winterval markets, and had somehow passed me by. My mate Stealthoos rated the game as awesome, and suggested I give it a go. Despite questions about graphics, gameplay, bugs, driver issues and it being operable only on Windows 98, I decided to give it a go.

After searching the bargain bin of Woolworths (which coincidentally now consists of the entire shop after going into administration and being bailed out by the UK goverment) I found a copy for the unusual price of 56p. Upon getting my copy home however, I realised a misprint on the packaging calling the disk a "DC ROM", and also that the packaging had already been opened, plus there was no manual. "Never mind", I thought "It cant be that difficult to figure out". I put the CD rom into the disk drive of my computer, and attempted to install the game.

Once Windows Vista had stopped pi$$ing me off asking me if I was the system administrator, I eventually installed the game, however during the install the Cd seemed to put my disk drive under incredible stress, making it sound like a cat being dragged over a hot tin roof by its ears. 32 minutes later, install was complete. The system asked me to automatically restart, however before i had chance to click yes my computer crashed. The disk was spat out, flung across the room, before dissolving into its base elements and vanishing into vapour.

"How odd" I thought.

I manually reset my computer sans disk and upon it loading, double clicked the desktop icon and waited for the game to load.....

To be continued in Q2 2009 kids!

One morning a couple of weeks ago I was cleaning up empty gold label cans from the previous evening that had been spread around the living room floor, when I had what would be described by some as a revelation. Or maybe it's called an epiphany.

Despite being extremely hung over and in desperate need of a wash, I had realised that the "next generation" of video gaming was happening right now. For the last 3 or 4 years now, gamers like myself have been waiting for the next generation of gaming... fancy graphics, better game play and a more deep and meaningful experience than has ever occurred before.

That day never came. We sat. We waited. Both the PS3 and the Xbox 360 brought out games that "defined" the next generation of gaming. Hurray ... Gears of War! Hurray... Metal Gear Solid 4! Hurray... Grand Theft Auto IV!! All of these games are awesome, but none define what represents next-gen gaming. Yes, the graphics are better than last-gen but none of these are a revolution.

So why do I believe that we have arrived at the next-gen? Because gaming has evolved. Most of the piss-poor efforts of the last gen are gone. Developers will gradually push both systems to the max, even if it takes 3 more years.

Gaming has EVOLVED.

It is still evolving.

What would make the worst video game ever? I recently watched the video review of Big Rig Trucks, earning a whopping 1.0 out of 10 gamespot score, and thought it was hilarious. After I had stopped laughing, I realised I could never bring myself to buy the game however. This isn't because I dont like the sound of racing big rig trucks (to be honest there are far worse ideas for a video game), more that the game was very poorly designed, buggy and virtually unplayable.

What other examples of poor game design do we have that have made a game completely unplayable?

Are there any particularly grating ideas that would put you off playing a game completely?

I would love to gather as many ideas as possible of things that make these sort of games absolutely terrible. Maybe even by combining all these ideas together, we can create something truly magnificent!!

My personal favourite video game hates are:

• Games designed "with the whole family" in mind. No they arent, they are kids games. There's no way that dad is going to be playing this til the early hours of the morning for just one more level.
• Games which have names like "Backline: Massacre Gone Wrong 2" which features a poorly drawn cartoon protagonist on the front cover, usually wearing sunglasses and holding a gun on the front, If they cant be bothered to spend more than 10 minutes designing the cover, how much effort has gone into the actual game? There were loads of these sort of games on the PS2 (always in the bargain bin section).

• Games that suck every last ounce of life out of a franchise. Namely Star Wars. I liked the films, enjoyed a couple of the games, but does anyone really care about games like Obi Wan Kenobi adventures (apart from the star wars nuts).
• Edutainment games. Nuff said.

Please excuse me now while I return to my cans of Special Brew.