The Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, was a recurring character played by Phil Hartman on Saturday Night Live. He had been a caveman who fell into a glacial crevasse during the Ice Age, preserving his body well enough that some scientists who discovered...
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The Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, was a recurring character played by Phil Hartman on Saturday Night Live. He had been a caveman who fell into a glacial crevasse during the Ice Age, preserving his body well enough that some scientists who discovered him in 1988 thawed him out. He subsequently attended law school.

Cirroc was a defense and personal injury lawyer, and in a later skit a politician running for President on the platform of eliminating the capital gains tax. The running gag was that Cirroc would speak in a highly articulate and smoothly self-assured manner to a jury or an audience about how things in the modern world "frighten and confuse" him. He would then list several things that confound him about modern life or the natural world such as, "When I see a solar eclipse, like the one I went to last year in Hawaii, I think 'Oh no! Is the moon eating the sun?' I don't know. Because I'm a caveman -- that's the way I think." This pronouncement would seem out of keeping with someone who had, for example, just ended a brisk cell phone conversation. He would always finish a disquisition, however, by asserting in a burst of righteousness that nevertheless "There is one thing I DO know..." which is that his client is either innocent, or that he is entitled to several million dollars or more in both compensatory and punitive damages for an injury. The jury or counsel is invariably swayed by Cirroc's argument, except every time the Judge announces the verdict in his favor, Cirroc is distracted by some other event like watching a Knicks game on his portable TV, or by a cell phone call, and the verdict has to be repeated. The role was a satire of cynical lawyers and politicians who disingenuously present themselves as folksy and homespun in order to sway a jury or impress a constituency into identifying with them.

One episode was performed completely in Spanish. Another classic episode revolved around odd references to Cirroc having once dated the sister of his modern American wife, with intense speculation on the genetic features of Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer's children.

Like many Saturday Night Live sketches, "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer" was presented as a parody of a television show. During the opening and closing of the "show", the announcer would list some of the "show's" highly unusual sponsors such as "Big Fat Bean" ("Why eat a lot of little beans when you can eat one big bean?"); "Gas Plus" ("Actually gives you gas!"); "Dog Assassin" ("When you can't bear to put him to sleep, maybe it's time to call Dog Assassin"); "Cubic Yard of Earthworms" ("What you do with it is your business"); "Wilson Ear Drill" ("We don't recommend that you use an ear drill, but if you insist, why not get the best!") and the popular Happy Fun Ball ("still legal in 16 states - it's legal, it's fun, it's Happy Fun Ball!").