this is a poem i wrote tonight, the lines just came to me and before i knew it i couldn't stop, so this one is a little longer.

Secret By Brianne Thibert 3/3/09

I've got a secret
and i try not to keep it
it's just about night time
but still i must reap it
and its kind of vague
but eats me like a plague
its loneliness
at times turned to rage
and in the daylight
you wouldn't know how much i fight
but its a different story
several hours past twilight
when the sunlight is shining
you won't find me hiding
its even been rumored
you might see me smiling
but when the sun goes down
i start looking around
my heart beats faster
when there's less sound
and sometimes i shake
how much more can i take?
the pain in my soul
my wreched heart when it aches
you don't understand
i beg you please take my hand
why must i always
take it like a man?
sometimes i'm not that strong
i've been alone for so long
i can't express it enough
by playing all the sad songs
and i start to panic
almost bordering manic
its a smoldering fire
so don't try to fan it
sometimes i escape when i sing
but with broken wings
even a crippled swan
can't do too many things
i toss and i turn
i've been beaten and burned
can't somebody show me
what i've never learned?
sometimes i'm loud
at times stick out in a crowd
but i wear this pain
like a grim reaper's shroud
and without a doubt
i'd rather just scream and shout
how can they still not see
and dare to ask questions about
what's wrong with me
and why's it so hard to see
that if i just learn to smile
i'll be so happy
it must take less to ignore
than ask what i'm grieving for
or the reason i'm drunk
and passed out on the floor
yeah i feel pain
and i feel shame
but i don't understand
who or what i can blame
i'd like to heal
and i'd like to feel
something not full of hurt
something shockingly real
something more than a crutch
something warm to the touch
something that won't
disinigrate or get crushed
does anyone know
how it bothers me so?
its blood or its tears
either way it will flow
its like bitter cold snow
or striking one final blow
one thing i know
how to do is to go
but won't someone stay
and tell me its okay?
what is it about me
that makes them run away?
is this my destiny?
is this all that's left for me?
if they gave half a chance
they might actually see
if you look in my eyes
you might get a surprise
are you gentle enough
to strip away the disguise?
could you handle the tears
that have been hidden for years
behind endless brick walls
and rivers of beers?
i've mastered the fall
and i know how to crawl
i can push away
so i won't feel at all
i know how to fight
and what i shouldn't act like
and i know a few things
that make me feel alright
i like the mall
and i used to draw
i can be earth shakingly sexy
when i dare to stand tall
and i've wished on the stars
but still get chained to the bars
the agony written
down my legs and my arms
but i like to be charmed
and kept away from all harm
there isn't anything here
that would cause such alarm
i know there's someone out there
who sees how much i care
i've got so many amazing
things i can share
i like the river
i don't like to shiver
but i've got a pain
that gets bigger and bigger
no i don't like the dark
it is too much for my heart
i never liked it before
and i don't think i will start