so how did i do in school? here's how my final grades broke down.

Police Services-A
Critical Issues in Criminal Justice-A
Approaches to Literature- A
Criminal Investigations- C

i was kind of upset about the C, i didn't understand how i got that low of a grade since i had a B+ at mid terms. i guess he said that my final wasn't very strong which was stupid because he had us do it through email over the course of five days. he was pretty vague with the directions as well but oh well i guess. i still got a 3.5. GPA overall and i made the Dean's List, so i'll take that. summer has been kind of hectic with the same usual drama and crap at this house, what with dad putting his hands on me resulting in my brother and i getting taken thrown out by the cops at my father's request. i was looking for somewhere else to stay for the rest of the summer but it's not going that well. school said the policy says i can't stay there even if i pay because i'm not taking a summer course so i can either get an apartment until august which is just stupid, or i can avoid here as much as possible and try to stick it out until i go back to school. i've been really sick this past week with Bronchitis which is never fun, but i don't remember ever having it this bad. i'm a lot better today but the rest of the week i haven't been able to breathe, my inhalers weren't doing anything, i couldn't stop coughing, i'm extremely sore because i've pulled muschles in my sides, ribs, and the front of me and my back from all the coughing. i was coughing to the point of throwing up never fun. however i've had the meds in me for a few days now and i'm feeling better. i've been wanting to read latley but i either don't have the time or my eyes are sore from being sick so i just can't, but hopefully i'll get to pick the books up again soon. one of my friends was like "um, school's out for the summer, f*** the books" lol and i was like "well that was because i HAD to read, this is for enjoyment." lol i guess some people just don't understand why a person would read for fun. my brother finally got a job, he's working at Burger King, so that's good for him. Now he'll have some money and won't have to throw himself to the mercy of my "parents" and beg for money when he needs something. i usually help him out when i can, but its still good for him anyway. my sister should be here from Italy in a few weeks so i'm pretty excited about that too, i can't wait to see her. i'm still single and while sometimes its cool, it gets pretty old pretty fast. you never know though, maybe i'll meet someone soon. almost everyone i know is going to be gone this semester at school. most of my friends graduated or are gone, and my brother won't be there either, i don't know what i'm going to do i don't usally like to put myself out there that much to make new friends since they all leave anyway, and i'm not thrilled about probably getting a room mate. But maybe i'll make good friends with the roomie like my first one, or maybe i'll luck out and she'll be single and gay lol. fat chance, but i can dream anyway that's what has been going on with me lately, hope to hear from some of you all soon!

This is a poem i wrote tonight. Some of the religious language was inspired by a movie i just bought, some by songs, some from my head. Give it a shot

"Forsaken" by Brianne Thibert 4/7/09

"Holy Mary, mother of god"
please tell me what to do
sometimes i feel so alone
and where the Hell are you?
i am honest, i am good
and i try very hard
but i'm not perfect, nor a saint
i'm a sinner who's been scarred
i've been in pain, i've been in tears
in my own front yard
i've been broken and afraid
i'm just a foolish Bard
forgive me for my trespass
i've walked someplace unknown
where flames are high and evil eyes
torture my damned soul
is there no penance i can pay
to take me out of here?
The Valley of the Shadow of Death
is something to be feared
and "Hallowed be thy name" it seems
i know who you are
Lucifer, Mephistopheles
this has gone too far
cast this demon from my body
that drains purity from my soul
there's nothing left for him to take
i can no longer pay the toll
oh wretched gods, hear my cries
will you not hear from thee?
why does he come to MY temple?
why hast thou forsaken me?
i cannot vanquish this demon
for then i must take his throne
but so long as he dwells in my veins
my soul is not my own
Retribution may be hope
but for what is it i shall pay?
Redemption has become a word
sickly humorous to say
and if i should succomb to him
to possess me all the way
why do i not have even his demon strength
or will to fight another day?
he would deny the very vessle
that keeps him here on Earth
he would even deny my only
chance for a rebirth
where the hell is my Archangle
has Michael lost his wings?
where's the promised peace, serenity
am i the only one left who sings?
where's the hero for this soul
is there one strong enough for I
the one who'd rather walk through fire
than show weakness from my eyes?
i understand why you'd decline
to try to pacify
if he saw the likes of you
surely you'd be crucified
so i will bear this heavy debt
Lest it should be paid
"Thy kingdom come, thy will be done..."
Give me just this day

So things have been going ok. I went out to a st. patty's day party saturday and won a drink for my musical talent, along with a plastic green necklace with a mug on it (to put the drink in). i didn't get obliviated though. Instead of 3-4 pitchers and a few shots, i only had that one drink i won, one that friend gave me, and like a pitcher and a half of beer. I didn't really feel like having much either. The weird thing is even though that's way less than i usually have, i still felt really hung over the next morning, so i'm not sure why that is. When i was home for four hours saturday (mom was unbearable as usual and i was mad that my brother and courtney blew me off and left me there all that time to deal with her, but that's a long story, and i had like NO smokes the whole time.) I pulled out some of my old cd's and listened to some angry chick music. I used to be obsessed with this band called Kittie, so i played some of their music and got right into it, which made me feel angry sort of and pumped up, but it was good to feel something like that just like...to feel, and i don't know, its weird. So i'm all about Kittie again and that's kind of cool. It kind of brings me back to when i was like 16-17, but maybe that isn't such a bad thing. There's emotions there and stuff i'm sure i haven't dealt with, so maybe going back there might help me in some retrospective way, who knows. Anyway, i'm still getting really good grades on everything. I was a little worried about my one mid term i took monday, its the only real acutal test i had to do, the rest were like open book or take home. However, here's how my mid term grades have turned out so far:

Police Services- A
Critical Issues- A
Approaches to Literature- B
Criminal Investigations-Satisfactory

So i'm pretty proud of myself. I had hoped my grade in Literature was higher, but i still have time to bump that up. I'm aiming to keep the A's i have, i've only gotten one in college so far lol. It would be great to have a line up like that after finals, i would be estatic. So that's what i'm up to lately. I'm reading a novel right now for my Lit course which is kind of boring, called Cat's Eye. However, after the fiction section we get to start like plays and stuff, we have to read Oidepus. I'm excited about this since i love Greek Mythology. We kind of skipped over most of the Greek poems in the Poetry section, but i plan to go back and read through them sometime. I also broke my glasses the other day. The temple fell off because when i got new lenses my eye dr. put them in the vice to adjust them because they were bent, and said they weren't going to take anymore. Jake brought them to his eye place today for me to try to have them fixed, and i got them back with a note saying they were "beyond repair, the threading is shot." so i have to figure out what to do about that. Other than that things are going pretty decent. I have to see my therapist tomorrow, she's meeting me over here again. So anyway, that's what i've been doing. The weather has been beautiful which has kept me in a good mood the last few days. Someone said something about snow one day this week, but i hope that's not true. Anyway just thought i'd touch base.