Hello everyone, I must apologize in advance for this writing tonight. I'm finding myself subject to the drink tonight, as well as a strongly biased opinion. I'm hoping these two features won't be too evident in my spelling and poignancy, but we will see. These two elements have been rather absent in my pieces that I've posted before and I'm not sure how evident they will be in future works. However tonight, I decided to make the best of the mood and mindset I've currently found myself falling into. I can find no song too match this mood I'm in, so I'm settling on the melody of Long Trip Alone, not the words. I've found that I need something a bit reflective of my emotion at the time playing in the background to portray my thoughts in their purest form.

I'm sure many have noticed my recent posting of Opaque. In this brief writing, I see a glimmer or glint of hopefulness or fool heartedness that has been foreign the range of emotion for quite some time. I would have liked to know what I was smoking at the time, or maybe I was just lingering on Cloud 9 a bit too much. I was sharing drinks and thoughts with my room-mate on our porch earlier, when I looked up to see no stars in the sky tonight. This is due to location, and over lighting of course, but still helped to contribute to the sense of reality that my mind was snapped to attention to today. I could most closely relate the experience to coming back from a drug trip of sorts. Yet, I've yet to figure out how to perceive the actions taken, thoughts shared, etc.

I was sharing a conversation with a close friend of mine, and we were discussing similar issues. Unfortunately the only words I had to offer was the world will remain turning, human kind moves on and we move with it. Yet as humans often do, force a smile, take the lesson as another experience of life under their belt as we move on. I seem to be guilty of a crime of flooding myself with thoughts and feelings at this current moment, as I have been before and will surely continue in the future. Ha-ha, although with that habit I may get lucky and write a bestseller some day though. Such thoughts cause me to smile and grimace at the same time. They have brought great happiness and great sorrow at times. Although I must confess as of late, very little has been able to put a smile upon my face. I used to quite ignorantly and easily, put a smile on my face in any situation. However reality has finally taken its toll on me, as it has many other humans.

Life is a **** of a beast sometimes. Please don't misunderstand my complaint, I've a great life, with amazing friends, a loving (although sometimes slightly dysfunctional) family and the world looks as that it holds great promise for me. Yet as in a discussion I had with someone while I was busy getting forced off the road to hit a sign pole, the small things add up. I would not call this piece a gripe, complaint, regret or a lament but more of a statement of point. Life is quite harsh sometimes, and makes it quite difficult to put a genuine smile on someone's face. Especially in the absence of friends, family and other loved ones (or lack there of loll jk...).

I've been struggling with many things on my mind lately just to do the best to occupy my mind with thoughts to pass the time of years past. There was a discussion shared between myself and an old friend earlier in the noon, where upon I was told my words, caused unrest. I felt a great lament for giving even the slightest bit of uncomfort to this person, seeing as I've felt a great amount of trauma from such subjects myself. Much irony is contained in that last statement, but I do not wish to further elaborate. It all returns to the golden rule of "treat people the way you wish to be treated." This slight hitch in my summer/life may just be karma returning what I'm owed in due favor, who knows?

As normal with most things that cross my path, I've to see where life heads. So allow me to down the last sip of my drink with a toast to fate, a sometimes cruel but rewarding mistress. I raise my glass to a force that holds my and all other's future, for better or worse.

So for the first time ever, I find myself perplexed and drawn to the page in pursuit of something that I have not writ about in many a fort night. My brain over the past few hours has been a flutter of activity and thoughts that have been foreign to it, for quite some time. The experiences that have been brought upon by events that have unfolded themselves in rather curious ways, have proven to be the most unique I've ever had the pleasure of sharing with someone. Only once in a blue moon, come before what has life has presented me with tonight so shocked am I, that I find myself unable to sleep and drawn to putting my thoughts to paper at four in the early morn. My sense has been dulled tonight, I've become as opaque as glass and feel as though I closed my eyes and took a step backwards off of a cliff.

Normally I can find rationality and reason in my actions, but tonight I performed some that seemed to aspire of a single impulse being that of want alone. Fate and karma are known to have ways of dealing in inevitably strange ways. Shakespeare layer out views of the way these two forces work quite nicely in all of his plays, and it is him I turn to explain my thought right now. A higher power has ordained us with certain predetermined events in ors lives, such as the day we die. Yet man also has a force at his disposal known as free will, so that he may create his own path to these "predetermined" events. I find it quite perplexing that I just now come to focus on this idea when it has been right under my nose all of this eve. To the one I owe this experience to, I owe a great deal of gratitude, no matter what the future holds. Because as we discussed tomorrow is not here, yesterday is already over, so all we have now is the moment at hand.....

There a few things that have been plaguing my mind as of late, and have caused my train of thought to fall upon a subject that man has been dealing with since dealing with since his eyes fell upon the female form, or vice versa. I can only speak from my own experience with this word, and the feelings that others have shared with me on the subject. I am not claiming to be an expert on the subject, yet at the same time I do not claim to be ignorant of the feeling.

I guess to properly discuss this topic; I need to define exactly what it means to me. My tastes of this feeling have come in many different doses and have ranged in many different tastes, forms and doses. I'll go back to the three forms of Greek love to clarify what I mean. First comes Eros, which is a form of physical or sensual desire. Basically it is a form of lust. Most humans are guilty of having this form of love; although I'm not sure how many will readily admit it. I must confess I'm no stranger to the feeling of Eros, and have encountered it more times than a few. I would lay reason to this to just simply being human, and having desires. I would like to think that I exercise a certain level of self control, and would not give into these desires. However I've found as of late, I'm feeling less and less of these inclinations. I've found that the more thought I dedicate to what my overall thoughts on life are, Eros becomes less predominate in my thoughts. I really believe there is so much more that the human mind, and body are capable of, and por say if Eros could be drawn onto a higher plane of feelings for someone past just the physical sense of lust and mixed in with an appreciation for the person in an aesthetic sense. Eros takes on a completely new feel, and becomes a much more potent feeling.

Next comes the word of Philia. This phrase comes from Aristotle, and is used to define more platonic feelings of love. Such as that is felt between two close friends or comrades. In modern terms we commonly refer to Philia as brotherly love, and this comes in some incredibly strong forms. One such example is that of soldiers at war. I in no way shape or form support the act of war and condone what it stands for, but those feelings shall be reserved for another paper. Yet one thing that often comes from war is a feeling of comradery between the soldiers that can not be understood by those who have not shared in the experience. Soldiers in basic training are taught to overcome society instilled notions of bashfulness of sex, and are forced to become incredibly comfortable with their form. Combine this with the fact that during combat they are fighting for their lives together and are in a constant struggle for survival daily, and one comes to a sense of unity and brotherhood that is stronger that many other forms of Philia. Each soldier is forced to trust in their comrades so much so that they would sacrifice themselves for the good of their squad. There are not many more strongly standing examples of Philia in the world.

Finally comes Agape. This form most strongly resembles love as it has become known to modern day Americans. It encompasses a wide range of feelings ranging from a love for one's family to a love for one's significant other/spouse. The only type of person that needs a description of this one has never fallen into it. There are many things that people encounter in life that they believe may be this, but ends up being just a cheap substitute. Nothing feels the mind, heart, body and soul quite like agape does. The best way to describe this sensation is it puts the subjects into an almost drug educed state in its purest forms. I am speaking from very few experiences with this, but I can prove that last statement by reading anything written by an author truly in love. I often her people even go as far to say this feeling does not exist, and people are just fooling themselves for believing they are in it. To them my reply is simply well if it doesn't exist then why there is a never-ending wealth of literature on the subject. However let me stray no further from the topic, agape is a sensation that leaves it's user in a state that clouds reason at points, makes them want to be a better person for the simple sake of seeing this person they love so much. Yet anyways enough of my ranting on this subject.

All of this is culminating to my own opinion on the subject matter, which at the moment I find strangely illusive. I've fathered mixed feelings on the subject, which can prove to be a good or bad thing. I really think that a person's feelings on the subject are rarely objective, and more often than not are biased pending their own experiences on it, level of maturity and the target (if any) of their affections. So again let me stress this is simply just my opinion on love, and nothing more. There are plenty of published books on the subject of love that I'm sure contain vast amounts of knowledge on what it truly may be, however due to some events that have occurred to me I have learned that "ignorance is bliss." So not wanting to ruin what ignorance I do have on the subject I base my knowledge on my own feelings and experiences. Call this cowardice or call it intuitiveness, this is what I choose to believe and follow.

Like I mentioned earlier, Love is often easily compared to a drug. My experience with it has been short and limited, but has left an impression in my being that will be inerasable from memory. Love tends to sort of creep up on you, and many do not even realize it until it is upon them. One day you simply look at a person, and suddenly you see no wrong in them. They contain no flaws, annoyances become cute, their eyes become mirrors to the soul you could be content staring into all day. A kiss with this person lifts worries, woes, grievances out of your mind and leads to a strong focus on that moment alone in time. Often times people with find themselves just lying in bed with their partners with no physical contact and just be glad to have that person near. Not all people are subject to these sensations when in love, but hopefully people reading this will know what I speak of. My advice to all is soak in every moment you partake in that evokes feelings and emotions such as these for they are the fecal matter that constructs a form of happiness that can be replicated in no way. There is no substitute for these genuine moments in a human being's existence, and trust me genuine is something that is becoming harder and harder to come by. More and more everyday people are treating such things as sex as just a simple physical pleasure and nothing more. However the act loses so much when just reacted as a physical pleasure, and is not treated with the respect the topic deserves. If I found myself in s situation such as this, all I could believe was I was lying to myself and my partner in crime (so to say). I'm not saying stop having relations, but just to give a certain level of respect to yourself and your partners. Many people would hate reading this statement because it is proponent to premarital-sex, but I will address this in another article.

Moving on to the other side of the fence is the downside to this ever-present force of agape. Love is very commonly associated with pain. Such sensations normally stem from unrequited love, false claims of love or a fading of feelings on one partner's part. Many often abuse other people's feelings for them just to get a quick thrill from the situation, or to fill a void that the person they are receiving feelings from is not capable of filling. The abused in the situation experience any number of feelings in response to such treatment as a sense of loss, stupidity, loss of self respect, emptiness; the list goes on and on. Let me just say that very rarely does anything good come from such encounters.

So as I sit here and type this article I feel the air conditioning blowing cool air through the vent beneath my left foot. The air chills the bottom of my foot and crawls slowly up my leg. My fingers feel the plastic keys beneath them, with grooves, clicks, letters and pops in response to my keystrokes. My ears are being greeted with the gentle guitar strokes and vocals of Dierks Bentley. My nose is is greeted with the smell of recycled air that is circulating through my room as well as the faint scent of dinner from the kitchen. I write all of these things to show the level of detail which can be donated to the world surrounding a person on their journey through it. All of these faculties and sensations are subject to the up and downs of love. This is the power the force has over being's who let Love into their lives. It is something that is not to be taken lightly, and should be given the respect it deserves. I beg that all who profess their feelings to someone else be genuine, and also with the requiting of someone else's feelings. Contrary to many people's beliefs love is not a game, it is someone else's feelings and life you are messing with so it should never be taken lightly. So to any person who sees someone's love as a chance to score a one night stand I offer a heft **** you. Such people are despicable, immoral, and are the epitome of the civilized world. You are liars who do not deserve the experience which true love provides. To any who have ever been the subject of such lies, I extend my deepest and most sincere sympathy and apologies.

Allow me to close this by saying to all who have someone to hold, pull them close, and enjoy the moment. To all who are at home alone tonight, enjoy your own thoughts and company for a self love is the most potent love one can have. I used to be a strong believer in the statement that their is someone for everyone, but as with many other things reality has shattered that thought. Yet, fate has surprised people more than once, so you never know.